Once u know urself; ur roles in life change, along with ur capacities

Jul 13

Today I woke up in the hotel when alarm rang at 5.15 am. I was so comfortably sleeping. The bed is nice and cosy and total blackout. Then I put it to 6.15 am but still I didn't want wake up. In the end I woke up 7.53 am.

Diamond Heart - Book 3
The ego ideal is a compensation for a certain loss. Goals are also a compensation, an attempt to fill a certain hole.
Society is primarily structured around these compensations. Everybody has goals and ideals and plans, and they are all compensations for the absence of the essential self. Everyone is living his life as a compensation.

That is why in time, when u become more in tune with urself and know urself better, the roles u perform in ur life, along with ur capacities, become different. Ultimately, ur gift to the world is being who u r. It is both ur gift and ur fulfillment. U can then exercise ur capacities and abilities, attaining pleasure, joy and fulfillment in ur life.

Soul
First tot my writing is my fulfillment. I need to write, I need to express. When it is shared, it becomes my gift.

Developing people for me is out of necessity rather than want to. Doing work is because of the money. I don't mind working but I don't want it to intrude on my leisure hours in having coffee and writing.

Diamond Heart - book 3
At the beginning, from the perspective of the superego, u want to become better. But what is "better"? Basically, u believe that to become "better" means actualising ur ego ideal. U just take the Work and fit it with ego ideal. After a while, u see this motivation, u might not use the Work for superego reason. The clearer it becomes, the more u really see u cannot try to become who u r. At some point u give up trying to become who u r, when u give up trying to be who u r, u just are.

But u have to get to the point that u really understand this completely before u can let go of trying. When u r convinced of the futility of what u r trying to do on all levels, then u let go. This will means ultimate surrender.

Soul
I am taking a more chill it approach to my practices. If I don't do it, I won't. I no longer want to trained myself, force myself just to attain.