Settling down with Z

May 27 (new Car)

Today, I got my new car. I like it, its lovely to sit and drive. It also got blue tooth and great sound system.

Father, I know Z is pondering about us. He knows we are compatible but again its the children issue. I would say I don't want children but for him I will consider a daughter as it really makes him happy and he is real good father. But I don't know if I can conceive as I am already 45 and on RA pills.

Recently he is on unreachable mode again. He told me he is real tired. Father, I just realised this, he can't have his phone with him cos he cannot stop working. Whereas for me, no issue.

Diamond Heart - Book 1
Where does trust come from?
U allow urself to be open. Usually, when u feel u don't know what's next, u want to do something right away. But u don't have to do anything; u just need to be there. When something happens, u r there for it. Ultimately, trusting is really trusting ur essence. The more u know urself, and the more u see the rightness of ur own process as it unfolds, the more u will trust it.

U will tend to trust in certain areas and not in others. When we have more fear, we tend not to trust. We stick to our walls more. But when u find out over and over again, that it is fear, more than anything else, that makes u hang onto ur walls, u will tend to let go of more of the walls. The more free from fear u become, the more willing u r to let go of those walls.

Soul
I am settling down with Z. I am still not sure which way it turns out but I know I want him. I know we r good for each other. I admit the fear of him going off is still there but at least I knew its because of his need for children.
I think his business will be coming in as his long range this year is about relationship as he wants to get marry by next year. I no longer take it personally and also I can't fault him for suppressing his feeling for me for his dream of having children as he is really good with them. Children makes him happy and he makes them happy too. I have asked about adoption but he says he wants his own.

Diamond Heart - Book 1
Part of the process of development and growth is learning to trust the attitude of allowing. The final development is not trying to have ur essence in a particular state, but allowing whatever is there to happen. So, the final development of allowing everything to happen is nothing but the final dissolution of the personality, because the walls are the personality.
The process of development is a continuous unfolding, every intricate, very vulnerable. It goes up and down, in and out, side ways, all directions, all ways. That allowing quality is the very freedom u seek.

The perspective of allowing is so big that it can see the walls and allow them to be there. It is so big that it transcends even the issue of whether there are walls or not. Either way, u allow. Allowing has no restriction. It is the greatest freedom.

In the beginning, u r focused on removing the wall to remove the personality. However, the final wall that needs to be removed is the belief that there are walls, that there is a personality to be dissolved. Then u r free. When u understand that walls and openness are the same thing, then even freedom loses its meaning.

The moment u say, "There is something that needs to be removed," there's already a predisposition, already a direction. It is a restriction; you are saying,"I want it this way and not that way.". Who does that but the personality?