Indulgence is being a 'baby' - waiting for saviour

May 30

Father, I woke up 4.05 am with little resistance. I did suria and it was quite effortless. Then I proceed to shakti and shambavi with little tots. But I doze off in the finale.

I dreamed I was in Japan and want to buy some food but no foreign currency. I took a bus without any foreign currency, which was funny. Then I realised I was in the wrong direction, which was common to me. I step down from bus and I woke up from dream. I must have slept for half an hour.

Diamond Heart
You have the tools, u have the information, u have the understanding. Do u then set about doing it with complete commitment and diligence?
You have had sixty five insights about ur patterns. But five minutes after ur sixty six insight, u r doing the same thing. U r waiting for ur sixty seven insight.
When u do ur meditation, u do it half-way. U know u could do it well, but u don't do ur best.

Indulgence can be indulgence in anything. U could be indulging in ur laziness, indulging in ur depression, ur fear, ur paranoia, indulging in being busy, indulging in attacking urself or other people and etc.

Any attitude, feeling or unconscious tendency of ur personality can be used as an indulgence. That is one of the qualities of the personality; to keep on indulging. Even when u know its really ur personality, u picked it up along the way and it serves no good purpose, u continue doing it.
U know, for instance, that ur fear has no foundation in reality, but the next time a situation presents itself, u act according to that fear, u followed the same pattern.

U have come here to work on urself. At least, u tell urself u r here to work on urself, to free urself. But how can u free urself when u keep indulging urself. Freeing urself is not easy. It may be the most desirable undertaking in the world, but its also the most difficult. It requires a lot of sustained continual work.

Indulgence is going along with a tendency or an attitude that u know is detrimental to ur freedom, ur health or ur development. The result is that u don't take responsibility for urself. U don't take ur life in ur own hands. Implied in this is that u r waiting for a savior. A savior could be any number of things: an insight, a blessing, a person or the attitude that things will change in time. Time becomes a savior. But that belief is an indulgence and u will know it's an indulgence just by looking around at some of the people who are in their seventies and eighties. The patterns don't dissolve; they calcify.

Indulgence amounts to u not taking responsibility for the regulation of ur own system. U expect somebody else, or time or God or whatever, to do it for u. It is the same attitude as the infant who does not know how to regulate itself and depends on something external.
Indulgence has to do with being taken care of and the expectation of pleasure. The origin of indulgence is that state when mother did things for u and made u feel better. So when u r indulging urself, it's a way of trying to be close to mother.

The work of freeing urself needs a lot of dedication, a lot of determination. It needs ur best effort. If u r not doing ur best, u r indulging. If u r indulging, ur personality has the upper hand.


Soul
My mother; she let's us do whatever we want, no censure, no constraint, no resistance.