Z and I both self-sabotage

Jun 3

I am glad I joined my sister for the weekend. The ride wasn't too bad and we have a nice time together as family.

Tot of Z. I recalled I was so reactive last Thursday.

We had a good chat but I don't why he keep on wants to discuss how much I love him. To me, is a loss of pride and it further trigger my unlovability factor. I was so affected that I deleted all our chats and I changed his contact profile. I was so affected that I wanted to reject him totally.

On Saturday morning I woke up and tot I don't want to spend the day moping about Z. I might as well visit my sister.

I tot part of it was I know I can't leave him. So, I tot its best that I push him to make me leave him. Self-sabotage.

His dream is Eight of Heart. On the surface, he doesn't need anyone and he has many conquest and admirers but none that he wants.

My dream is Queen of Spade, Self-Mastery. On the surface I seems to be totally in charge but I am not. I wanted Self-Mastery to overcome my need to be loved.

I called him but he put his phone away.