Accept my role (2)

Mar 22
This mornin when doing suria namaskara, halfway head is shaking and then I was laughing.
I tot that I already forget to plan and worry abt my work, so as for my spiritual devt, also need not worry abt it. Whatever has to happen will happen.
Again this mornin tot of Befriender. Earlier I tot all d calls is desperate suicidal. Looks like only 20 percent is suicidal.

Yday my irritation wit M died down, after I gave him d counselling that his mind is running riot. His wife is emotional and he is mindnal. Of which he says he is grounded. I told him nope cos being grounded means being in touch ur being, and feeling is involved. He is not grounded, it just that he is not emotional.
I guess I reacted earlier when he keep on calling me master n wanted my input was that I don't wan to be counsellor.

Over here, I also don't wan to be a counsellor but somehow I am forced to it.

Pehaps like my advice to J, I shld be grateful that I have the strength to be a counsellor instead of feeling resentful that I have to counsel people. I guess this resentment was hidden. I tot God doesn't love me, I have to help myself and he send Others to be helped by me. Isn't that unfair?

And this people need loads of attention n time. After giving them right advice, still don't wan to take. I m already so skilled that I can give right advice in d early stage so as to cut the time required and they can leave me and I am free. But instead they don't take heed and yet still approach me, taking my time, making me even more resentful.
Not only u need my help, u also need my time. Whenever God give me input, I will normally act on it asap. Yea, I got low tolerance level.

I know what I wil do in my 2 days off. Goin to visit my siblings and friends, enjoy myself and also
1. Learn destiny card
2. Be a counsellor at Befriender (at least this have time. I am not ready to be a Coach yet cos still feeling resentment)
3. Write abt my experience in my journey. Gather all d books that make an impact on me.
4. Promote Isha.

CEO and CFO's thingy abt me shldn't be on 3 days. At first I was moved but now m focused. I m only taking 3 days on my slack period. Will do up the calendar.

P becoming a brahmachari. Frankly I knew he wasn't happy in his world, he experienced happiness in ashram, so I can understand. But a waste to the world, he is a good kind man.

Osho
If you consent to drop ur choices and preferences and understand Krishna in his totality, you will find, by and by, that ur inner contradictions and conflicts habe diminished and disappeared and that all your fragments have come together into an integrated whole.
Then you will attain to what is yoga or unity.

Soul
That's what I need.

Krishna
He is in good and he is in bad too.
His peace is limitless, yet he takes his stand in battlefield
His love is infinite, yet he will not hesitate to kill if it becomes necessary.
He loves God tremendously, yet he loves the world in the same measure.
Neither can he abandon the world for God nor can he abandon God for the world. He is committed to the whole. He is whole.

Soul
Exactly my tot. Between food & comfort vs spirituality. I wan to have both. Both equally important. I cannot give up one for the other.

Now I realised why S and M was send to my life. My conflict was due to mind. Once I see how their mind played them, I dropped mine. Now I accept whatever in front of me. Coincidentally 52 days of conflicting values has finished.

Jus now CEO imply that I am on ECD's side. At first I tot that was not right, then it subside and I watch my breathe n things become fine again.


52 days card
6 of diamond
This powerful stabilising influence is present, there will be some sort of settling of accounts. It can manifest in payment of money or other forms of "value".
The 6 of diamonds will also encourage u to make compromises where money is concerned and to take full responsibility for all ur debts and actions that involve exchange of value.

Soul
I interpret as me finally accepting that I do have a coaching/counselling role.
I accept that my income will be reduced as I go on 3 days week.
I will also be going to Befriender.
I will pay for my course in destiny card.

Juus now did shoonya cos I need it. I felt my irritation arise. Surprisingly when I did it, I was laughing throughout. I tot while my surface is irritated but my Being is not. The key is to bring out the Being. To manifest the Unmanifested.

Osho
Life is both happiness and sorrow is a fact.
We all don't want to reduce our happiness into pain and suffering. Since we don't want to part with happiness, we cling to it and it is clinging that turns it into suffering.
We very much desire to be rid of pain and suffering, and for this very reason, our suffering deepens. But if we accept suffering and stay with it for a while, it will be transformed into happiness.

The feeling of suffering stems from its being unfamiliar, but it will not take you long to become familiar wit it. The same case with happiness. Familiarity changes everything.
You can only understand Krishna when u accept both happiness and misery together and at the same level. Not before.

And do u know the state you will be in when u say an unconditional yes to both, when u know pain as the precursor of pleasure and pleasure as the precursor of pain, when u receive them both without being agitated in any way, with equal equnamity, when u refuse to interpreting and labelling things.

The person who accept things without judging, without naming there, immediately enters the state of bliss.
Bliss means u wil not interpret suffering that make it really suffering
Bliss means u will not interpret happiness in a way that makes u cling to it and to deisre it more and more.
Now things are as they are; what is, is.
Now u r not going to be affected by either, because now u know that things come and go but u remain the same.
Pain and pleasure, happiness and sorrow, are like clouds moving in the sky but the sky remains untouched, the same. And that which remains the same, untrammeled and unchanging, is ur consciousness. This is Krishna-consciousness.

Soul - that's what I tot during shoonya. When I said surface of d pool is stirred but me inside pool is stil calmed.
This is what I experienced since last Friday.