Integration leads to Decision

Mar 24
Did meditation this mornin, lots of tots, not focused. Finished by 6.30 am and I continued and then I went in deep for 10 min.

Yday shambavi at IE final day was invogarating. Was feeling so energised.
Father, am accepting responsibility for my role as guiding people on their right path.

Osho
You may think that Krishna imposed his will on Arjuna and almost forced him to fight. You may say that Arjuna is trying his best to escape, but Krishna, through is intelligent arguments, goads him to fight. But u are wrong to think so. The truth is, all the time Krishna is trying to liberate Arjuna, to lead him to freedom. That is why he explains to him at length what he can be, what his potentiality is, what his intrinsic nature is. He exposes real Arjuna to Arjuna, he unfolds real Arjuna.
And if, after listening to the whole of Gita, Arjuna has refused to fight and escaped. Krishna was not going to tell him "Don't go". There was no one to prevent him from escaping.

Soul
Tot of me and my guiding role. But unlike Krishna, I would be resentful that after all my effort still don't wan to change. Or perhaps I am judging myself that I am not good enough to guide people.
Perhaps this is jus fear of failure.

Osho
Krishna does not create Arjuna, he only uncovers him, only uncovers his self nature. He makes him see what he is. Krishna"s chisel cuts away the unnecessary and ugly parts of his personality and restores him to his pristine being and beauty.

Osho
You have to be clear and decisive about your basic role in life. Indecisiveness splits one into fragments and fragmentation leads to confusion and conflict, to grief and disintegration.

The bigger the decision, the greater the integration. And if one comes to a total decision in life, he has a will of his own, he becomes one, he attains to a togetherness, to yoga, to unio mystica.

Soul
Yea, I accepted my role as a Guide. I already got the order for 7thunder and I wld start on Befriender (still pending since I only have 1 day off).
I admit I m still unsure how things will unfold but I am no longer fearful.

Osho
Keep chiseling from the rock, with the hammer of doubt, the foreign elements that have entered ur nature, until u eliminate the last of them and nothing remains to be eliminated. Then the state of trust will appear in full splendour.

But remember if u continue to use the hammer of doubt even after the statue has manifested, u will injure the statue, u will hurt ur being.
Trust is the ultimate product of doubt, and insanity is the ultimate result of indecision. An indecisive person will end up insane; he will disintegrate and perish.

Soul
I understand. This is for me and J.
Father, again U come to my help. When I first read this Osho, it was jus more philosophy. I didn't relate it to me.
Now that I am facing a crossroad and finally decided to follow my Destiny. You came and Krishna does reflect me accept that I haven't mature.

Evening
D shared wit me a cd about being a healer. For her, she wan to be a teacher n also to take up psychology.
I used to want that. But later interest waned cos I know psychology not the answer cos still under mind control. Of cos, now that I m on spiritual path, I no longer keen.
She also says that her friend, our new colleague is a tarot card reader. So I can share wit her, that's good.
God will bring me what I need.
CD put his resignation after yday heavy attack by CEO. He has been on his case recently.

CEO year card is Ace of spade - represent death and new beginning. Her 52 days card is six of diamond - payback or balancing period. Coincidentally CD resign n its a hit on her, payback time.
GM could have use this period to show card, but she didn't.

Me, went to the dinner event. Loads of beauties, this time I am comfortable, no sense of insecurities. Guess is a turnaround.
Today CEO raise her voice, I ignored her tone and continue wit my view.