Samyama - definitely got something

Mar 8
A colleague saw me today and she said in her depression, she is looking towards her spiritual path. She felt I am the only one in this office that she can share her tot. She said that she can sense my aura has changed. She says I have a clean aura.

Father, did my Osho card today. Didn't know I rec my answer in d same day.
Towards d evening, my friend called up to ask for d isha meditation programme. Asking loads of question n then I told her I wil give her d link on testimonial.
Suddenly I have the courage to ask her, why she need other people testimonial, why she can't use me or perhaps she can't see changes in me. She was bit shy but replied that its true, she can only see minimal change in me. (Apr 8 - I just found out that she was keen on the programme cos she says I look younger and preetier)

This was exactly the question I asked God and d same question I asked d fellow meditator V and J last friday. I said they have momentous change in their behaviour/appearance n me, no change. V surprised me and said that but it was I who has all d experience during meditation.

I shrugged it off and tot yea, I reached my high or drunk wit joy during meditation but no major change happen in my life. (Of cos, I forgot abt me letting go of my career, me quitting my job, was counter-offered and negotiated a 3 days work week. Me going to do what I enjoy and not live to work full time)

I was surprised that my ego wasn't dented and instead I said noted n agree wit her minimal external change in me. But the main change is internal. I gave her d example, I am still scoring 100% outside, but inside I need only to use much lesser energy to get the same score. I used to be unable to sleep during sunday and now I can sleep at ease. No longer dread sunday becos cannot sleep.

When I was driving, I suddenly realised yep, for me, truly inner engineering, now my inner matched d outer.
I m happy go lucky on surface, and inside, m also joyful.
I felt such thankfulness for Father and Sadhguru, tears came and followed by laughter.
My changes are subtle externally. I laugh more and I dance more. I am jus contented 24 by 7. I feel joyful without any reason too.
But it is my internal that is changed.
Amen.

Jus saw Sadhguru's poem, which aptly described how I felt.
Sadhguru's poem
Oh how shall I tell u
my predicament
I am empty but full.

There is subtle change in me - jus laughing, crying, dancing and singing. But how would others know expression of my feeling is something that I am unable to do. How could anyone know cos these are normal expression by everyone.
I hav been forever under self-control that I couldn't even move wit music, this also partly explain why I got RA. I have been crippling myself internally and hence external physical crippling is d result.

How can I share that while there is little outward change, I felt so different inwardly. Inwardly, there is a new Me. I am joy. Amen.