Indecision

Mar 18

Father, why did I hesitate to recommend to D on IE. I guess I didn't wan to share cos D can be quite dominating and wld wan to 'take over' and claimed to be teacher. Jus confirmed when she said d Master said she is meant for greater thing and she said that she loves to train her staff and now she thinks she is a Life Coach.

Knowing her, she wld wan to give her 2 cents worth of Isha pgm.

Father, m so judgemental. I guess I know a rship wit her can turn into something similar to PA. No lah, PA is different case. While D is fixated n dominant, she is more open.

Am I like that? Yday my staff again called me on d same issue. This time I jus didn't wan to help. I told her that she doesn't wan to resolve d situation. She doesn't wan to change and this scenarios she has faced many times. And she is still making the same decision now, so why wan to chk wit me.

Aiyoh, like Sadhguru I too realised almost all people don't wan to change. They may complain n rant and rave but ultimately they don't wan to change. It is so difficult to teach people to live well.

Mmm, then how can I be a Life Coach, I doesn't seem that interested in helping people. To me, loads of efforts n little return. Can see from my ex-staffs. Most of them still have not change. Its true they gather the knowledge for me but they don't apply. They said they are fearful and don't have the courage to change.

Tot of me, do I have courage? Not really, I change cos I don't wan to live wit current situation, I have enough suffering and I wan an alternative. So, I guess bottom line is that almost all have not suffer enough n they wan to prolong it.
If they wan to prolong, then why ask for help?

Suddenly tot of Befriender's Helpline. Perhaps this are the people who have enough suffering and they wan to be helped.
Ironic, helping out at Befriender came to me many years back, which I delayed n now perhaps its time to go back.
I admit I may not have the attribute to be a Life Coach, I get impatient and I don't want to waste my time. True I may get paid but is not worth my energy. Cos counselling is giving a part of myself and when it is not received, I felt that I am not good enough, I felt that they rejected my advices cos I am not powerful enough, that I am not a shining example.
Mmm, perhaps instead of Life Coach, I jus focus on being a headhunter on part time.
Mmm, so many choices. Don't know what I want or perhaps don't know which will gives me the best returns. Aiyah, let's things be lah.

Tot that I cannot be a Life Coach cos I don't wan to impose. Everyone finds their own path. I, myself also don't wan to be dictated. I am not authoritative like D and PA. I am not so sure as them. I am not as 'confident' as them.

Osho
1. The Issue
Trust - now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord! And it is this quality of absolute trust, wit no reservations or secret safety nets, that the Knight of Water demands from us.
This card gives a hint here, that a soft, welcoming, yummy pink, rose petal, juicy awaits us at the other end.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Intensity.
You have not to be a follower, an imitator. You have to be an original individual.
Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry has found the sunrise.
Now is the Only Moment there is.
Some will feel uplifted and refreshed by ur presence, others may feel threatened or annoyed. But the opinions of others matter little.

Soul - I asked if I m on d right track by goin on 3 days week n whether I m truly transformed.
I am now not sure of what I will do during the 2 days off. While I know my Top 5 passion is still intact. Am I wasting my time and money?
Only thing keepin me on track is RA. At the very least, jus take off cos I wil be less stressed. But this also not a good reason as I am no longer stressed at work. So, what wld be my reason to take off?
How to tell people, how to justify.

My 52 days cards of 3 of Heart is really right - undecisive of my heart's desire cos there are many choices. This card is not abt choices in partner but choices in my passion.
Looks like the answer is just to trust n proceed ahead ahead even if I don't know what will come or if anything will come.

3. External influence of which u r aware.
Exhaustion
A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness remains soft.
This card is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural (man-made) routines for ourselves and by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our door.
Life isn't a business to be managed, its a mystery to be lived.
It's time to tear up the time-card, break out of the factory, and take a little trip into the unchartered. Your 'work' can flow more smoothly from a relaxed state of mind.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Integration.
The politics is within u, between the 2 parts of the mind.
We are the union of eagle and swan; male and female, fire and water, life and death.
The card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life and mystical union, otherwise known as alchemy.

Soul - this card is basically says to proceed to start a new life. I guess the conflict is becos m listening to both, balancing both. When u only listen to one, is easier but not complete.
Tot of J, always listening to both, in d end, no decision, no action. He can live wit it.
For me, I will jus act on it eventhough m not sure cos I don't wan to be undecisive n leave things hanging.

5. The resolution
Schizophrenia
The whole effort of Zen is how to drop the divided mind of man, how to become undivided, integrated, centered, crystallised.
The way u are, u cannot say that u r. You don't have a being. You are a marketplace - many voices.
If u wan to say "yes", immediately "no" is there.
You cannot utter a simple "yes" with totality. In this way, happiness is not possible, unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.
The only way out of this dilemma is to let go of both hands at once. You can't work ur way out of this by solving it, making lists of pros and cons, or in any way working it out wit ur mind.
Better to follow ur heart, if u can find it.
If you can't find it, just jump - your heart will start beating so fast that there will be no mistake about where it is.

Soul - my heart says go for 3 days week.
My mind says no, what will u do, how u jusity, what can u make out of it, why so stupid, so rash, havin spare time - u need to utilise it? How can u account for it. What are u going to make out of it? What can u achieve?

Well, I will proceed for 3 days week even if there is no outcome.

Today 5 of club, signal for a change in ur life. You will likely feel a dissatisfaction with things as they are and want to progress into new areas. Be open to new plans, new ideas, new places to go.