Suffering is blessing in disguise

Mar 19

Food is the only avenue that I allow myself to be luxurious.
Food is the only avenue that I display my Queen attributes.
Not only food, but also house work. Since I was young, I never wan to do housework, even washing my school shoes is a chore. I will always cry. When I grow up, I earn money so can have maid cos I don't wan to do house chore. Doing house chore makes me sad.
Tot of my sis in law, always acting like a queen when she has no money.
I guess m a hidden queen.
I always able to select quality goods eventhough I don't have prior personal experience. Somehow I am able to determine the value of each goods and almost always pick the best.
When I read Destiny card of Queen of Diamond - loving finer things and at times spending beyond their means.
I tot this isn't me. Now I know its becos of my control that I can't allow myself to enjoy finer things, except for food.


Yday I did sharing at IE program, what happening to me is truly inner engineering. Outside is d same but inside is so different now. Did my suria namaskara effortlessly and I was laughing during the 10 cycles.

Only when I shared wit a colleague and fellow meditator abt my experience of my boss, whereby I can't seem to hear her 'anger' tone, somehow I am not affected. What I heard is jus words. They both said that I was in d state whereby outside situation doesn't affect me anymore.

Alas, I shared at IE abt finally realising and experience inner engineering cos my inner has change. Its true, no change in outer yet. But inside is completely different. My ego jus now was saying boss will scold me for disclosing her bday. I jus ignored it and says will see. If she was to get angry, I wld counter and says that she shld be happy and shld not be negative over her own bday celebration.

The Power of Now
As far as the still unconscious majority of the population is concerned, only a critical limit-situation has the potential to crack the hard shell of the ego and force them into surrender and so into the awakened state.

A limit-situation arises through some disaster, drastic upheaval, deep loss, or suffering, your whole world is shattered and doesnt make sense anymore. It is an encounter with death, be it physical or psychological.
The egoic mind, the creator of this world collapses. Out of the ashes of the old world, a new world can then come into being.

There is no guarantee, of course, that even a limit-situation will do it, but the potential is always there. Some people's resistance to what is, even intensifies in such a situation, and so it becomes a descent into hell.
In others, there may only be partial surrender, but even that will give them a certain depth and serenity that were not there before.
It is not the limit-situation that makes room for the miracle of grace but the act of surrender.

Soul
I told J that I take charge and change my life situation, not becos I am courageous but is becos my tolerance level of suffering is low and also my understanding of suffering and lesson. I don't need to have more lessons of the same nature.

The Power of Now
Your first chance is to surrender each moment to the reality of that moment. Knowing that what is cannot be undone - because it already is - you say yes to what is or accept what isn't.
Then you do what u have to do, whatever the situation requires. If you abide in this state of acceptance, you create no more negativity, no more suffering, no more unhappiness. You then live in a state of non-resistance, a state of grace and lightness, free of struggle.

Whenever you are unable to do so, either becos you are not generating enough conscious presence to prevent some habitual or unconscious resistance or because the conditions is so extreme as to be absolutely unacceptable to u - then you are creating some form of pain, suffering.
It may look as if the situation is creating the suffering, but ultimately this is not so - your resistance is.

Now here is your second chance at surrender. If you cannot accept what is outside, then accept what is inside.
If you cannot accept the external condition, accept the internal condition.
This means; Do not resist the pain. Allow it to be there. Surrender to the grief, despair, fear, loneliness or whatever form the suffering takes.
Embrace it.
When there is no way out, there is still always a way through. So don't turn away from the pain. Feel it fully.
Then see how the miracle of surrender transmutes deep suffering into deep peace.
This is your crucifixion. Let it become your resurrection and ascension.

Give your attention to the feeling, not to the person, event or situation that seems to have caused it. Don't let the mind use the pain to create a victim identity for yourself out of it.
Feeling sorry for yourself and telling others your story will keep you stuck in suffering.
Since it is impossible to get away from the feeling, the only possibility of change is to move into it, otherwise nothing will change.
Refrain from labelling it.
At first when u go into the feeling, be intensely alert. At first, it may seem like a dark and terrifying place, but when the urge to turn away from it comes, observe it but don't act on it.
just keep putting your attention on the pain, grief, fear, the dread, loneliness, whatever it is.
Stay alert, stay present - present wit ur whole Being, wit every cell of ur body.
As u do so, u r bringing light into this darkness. This is the flame of ur consciousness.

Soul
I think D is moving into victim mode. By right she shld jus jump in.

The Power of Now

Full attention is full acceptance. By giving full attention, you use the power of the Now, which is the power of ur presence.
Presence removes time. Without time, no suffering, no negativity can survive

The acceptance of suffering is a journey into death.
Feeling deep pain, allowing it to be, taking your attention into it, is to enter death consciously.
When u have died this death, u realise there is no death - there is nothing to fear.

Soul
Many years back, in 1999 to 200I, I was in this period of darkness and I allow myself to feel d pain.


Mar 19 evenin
Reinstatement of value.
Having good food reaffirm my high value.

Good food - equates to my value
Value tasks - equates to my value

(Apr 9 - today tot that i judged myself by my valuation. And I got my valuation by personal things that is near to me, eg good food (high value); challenging job (high value); rich and smart husband (high value)...So I seek my value in others. That means I feel myself lacking. Or perhaps, I should ask myself why do I need to value/put a price on me. I should be priceless...and I need not seek external thing to define me...
I am now wondering..what about my spiritual journey...is this on value too?
Am I feeling not valuable enough and I am seeking something more to enhance my valuation???)

Sadhguru
Unless there is a strong feeling of insufficiency, u will not seek anything big; you will not seek anything wit great intensity.

When u walk on spiritual path, ur biggest enemy is the huge sense of doubt that will periodically arise. "Am I wasting my time?" "Am I missing out on life?"

If some kind of confirmation has happened to you in some way, you just have to intensify and keep steadily on the focus.
See how many moments in a day are ur mind, body, energy and emotion focused towards your spiritual well-being? You must make an account of it and see how to improve it on daily basis.

We don't count in years, we count in moments. We wan to know in a day's time for how many moments all of u is focused in one direction.