Bodymind - my fat arms (2)

Jan 3
Yday, couldn't sleep again. This time, I switched on the air cond and switched off the salt lamp and closed the blinds. With darkness and cool air, I promptly slept.

Wake up at 4.30 am to do my asanas, it was fine. I m glad I now changed my routine on shower. Shakti and Shambhavi was good. Wish I had more time to spend on quiet time. Feels good, without tots and care. Life goes on.

Deb Shapiro
Weak or tired arms imply an inability to let feelings or energy flow outward. There may be a sense of being unable to take control or make decisions, an inability to grasp hold of life or a timidity of expressing real feelings. It may also show an inability to express ur needs.

Do u feel it is wrong to reach out for what u want or need, whether emotionally or physically.

Soul
Could be. I recalled there is a timid part of me. In order not to lose approval, I suppressed my anger.
I also suppressed my needs with Z. Well, I did express, but it was ignored. Father, tots came. I hold on for the past one year, but he had already moved on. Let me moved too.

Deb Shapiro
Stiff or painful arms indicate resistance to activity or expression.

Ur elbows enable u to open arms to embrace ur world. Elbows give grace to ur movement but they can also be used as a weapon,.as when u elbow someone out of the way.

The elbows enable u to respond with energy and vigor but can also express conflict about what u r doing.
1. Do u feel capable or competent enough?
2. Are u asserting urself too much?
3. Are u becoming too inflexible in ur attitude
4. Are u fearful of expressing ur heart energy.
5. Is there a fear of opening to the future, embracing that which is ahead of u?

Soul
Not so sure but maybe fear of future. Me, who seems fearless, is actually fearful.

 Cos I fell down when I was a child and the elbow bones are wrongly joined, so now with RA, it swell and harden.

Father, when it was I who broke it off. I wasn't as bothered as I was angry. Now he broke it off saying that he will be financially ok but he wants to marry someone else, his original plan.  it hurts me. I m bothered. I m angry at myself for hoping he will change.
But if I m objective, I would say part of me knew he didn't change. Aiyah, let go. Like my advice to S. Whatever I think, won't change the situation. Instead of focusing on pleasure, remember the pain too, keep things in perspective. celebrate the end of my cosmic lesson.

Mmm, when I was meditating, suddenly recalled Nine of Diamonds is my second karma card, he owes me. And the new head is Nine of Diamonds. I always wonder why I don't meet them, I only met my first karma in destiny, Three of Diamonds and in ruling, Two of Diamonds.

Deb Shapiro
Swollen feet means u r holding on to fearful or frustrated feeling about ur direction or the weight of emotional burden is too much to bear.