Unnecessarily rowing...

Jan 17 Eve
Father, just now try to swim breast stroke. But I couldn't, my body panic whenever I m supposed to be still and let the water takes me. I tried a few times but to no avail. I can feel the fear in my heart. I m still afraid to let the moment be, still stressing myself.

I wanted to cry but there are people in the pool so I cannot.
In the end, I just let my body choose and it chooses free style.

Went back to hotel room, shower and did my practices. Shoonya and Samyama was so peaceful. Thanks for the tools.

Its been a week since my last msg to Z whereby I open my blog.  There is no response from him. A Tot came, just let it flow away, like a dream.

7thunders.
Cosmic Lesson card is someone who is setting an example that u would benefit by following them. Like Saturn but he won't be criticising. They are more inspirational.

Soul
Z is a determined person focused on achieving his goals irrespective of personal price. He taught me money is for spending.

I m determined to have a life that allows me to focus on my spiritual path. I drop career and money for a 3 days work.

7thunders
In the deck of cards, we tend to look at the deck in front of us, to the right and above. So, we tend to attract to those we can see.

Soul
I m Queen of diamonds and I attract Jack of Diamonds (Z) and king of Diamonds (J). My Ruling is Ace of Diamonds and I attract Two of Diamonds (S).

Just had dinner with M, another Seven of Spades like Z, he too had two sons like Z. He too is busy earning money for his family. His family not with him. He always on the road. He exercise to release his energy. He has changed, bit like given up.  I wonder whether Z be like that when he is 48.

Mmm, keep on receiving emails. Feeling bit harassed as if I have to be accountable. Anyway, today my fear is on high mode. So, stay low.

Osho
The divine cannot be outside you. The divine is as much hidden with the seeker as in outer where he is seeking. Nothing will be gained by going Kailash or Kaaba, Girnar or to Jerusalem, because the one u r searching for, that ray of consciousness, resides within u. Find it there.

The only thing that stops you from moving towards devotion is the fear that u will lose control and no longer remain ur own master.  If u want the divine to be ur master, u cannot remain the master urself. U must get off the throne.  Get down and bow in front of the throne and u will find that his boundless radiance, his infinite light, his grace has filled you from all sides.

Ramakrishna used to say, "you are unnecessarily rowing. Unfurl ur sails, put down your oars. His winds are blowing. He will take ur boat to the other shore.

Stop relying on urself. Walk with his feet, see with his eyes, live according to him. Let ur heart beat with his heart

Soul
This is exactly the same msg I received two days ago in the swimming pool.