Z is getting married to someone else

Jan 7 Aft
Z responded with his marriage date on 14 July.
I was sad and I told him that he went behind my back and made plans without me.

Then mind went on spiral negative and tot of him with his wife of heart cards and him having four of spades from April onwards. Getting even sadder, then I stop myself. Why I always imagined good future for others, why can't I imagined I met my own dream partner next month?  Then a tot came, he may have his Queen of Hearts in neptune this March but I also have queen of spades in neptune in June this year. So, why don't I imagined myself fulfilling my dreams and be happy instead of imagining sad things about Z and be sad.
Amazingly elbow pain is gone. I can vouch that from today onwards I will be happy regardless of externals. I will be a friend to myself, lift myself up instead of pulling myself down.

Four of diamonds
A solid sense of what we values. We gotten clear what we want and then we get it.

Soul
I m feeling better now. Glad I cried some on the way back. From now on, expressed myself. Otherwise pain will come.

Deb Shapiro
Movement is essential, especially going with the flow and allowing change to happen. Life is movement, so the more stuck u are, the more lifeless u may become. However, most important is finding your heart, and expressing it, sharing your love, and in this way becoming your own best friend.

Soul
There was an outrageous tot that Z just want to run and created the marriage date.
I still love him and hope for a miracle. But I won't make myself sad. I cannot yet visualise myself with a new partner but I can visualised myself happily alone.

No regrets in sending him the message. I must expressed my heart.
I finally told him that I was open to having a child with him. And I m sad he wasn't open with me. Ah ah, finally all is out. Whatever needed to be said is done. I have expressed all in my heart. My wishes, my sacrifice, my sadness that he was not true and open with me.

Father, this is a big breakthru for me. I have wondered what other development that I can have. Alas I finally found the root cause of my RA. Hiding my heart.
Not sure about self mastery but I know I can cure my RA.

Deb Shapiro
Numbness is due to damaged nerves or distorted messages from the brain and implies a withdrawal of feelings from a particular area.
This may be feelings is too intense to deal with, or too strong to release, and suggests that not feeling anything or a lack of participation.

Is there someone or something u don't want to feel?
What part are u pushing away?
Are those feelings u have withdrawn from inside yourself?
What needs to happen for u to be able to accept that part of u, to bring it back to life.

Soul
No wonder, my fingers were numb for the past few months, especially between mid Sept till mid Dec, I was suppresing my feelings on z.

No wonder, I was pushing away my heart. Now I knew why such pain in the heart area during meltdown in Dhynalinga.