Learning to express my feeling/desires

Jan 4
Father, what a great session. I cried loads in the end followed by loads of laughter. I cannot remember the last time I cried in my own practices. What a release! I don't know what the answer from Z but it doesn't matter. Main thing I do my part. I played to win, but if I lose I m fine too.

Life is a game. Just played, if we lose, we only lost our pride, which is not a real loss.

I also realised I never dare to ask for what I truly want cos I afraid I be hurt and disappointed. Fear of negative outcome stop me from asking. I always envious of people who can ask for what they want. I normally gives people what they ask. I don't like to say no, don't like to hurt people. At times, I had to say no, I be angry at them for asking outrageous things and make the bad guy to say no.

Just checked msg, Z had read it but no response. I will wait and ask again every week. I have put a weekly reminder in my outlook. I m also going to do kapalvriksha daily.
My wishes.
1. Marry Z and have a healthy baby.
2. Famous author
3. Philanthropist.

Jan 4 Eve
As I was meditating, a tot came to me, just 'play" and keep on asking Z for what I want. I then immediately send another "want" msg to Z. I also did a list of things I wanted.
A tot occurred to me, Z is also the type to throw tantrum. He too wanted to be treated like a baby. One is supposed forgive and forget and draw him out slowly.
Suddenly it occurred to me, that I was surrounded by tantrums bosses that I handled well. So, can use the same skill to handle Z. All these while, I tot he was the same as me, a mature adult. I don't need 'strokes' and I tot he doesn't need it. But he really needed it. No wonder, he doesn't feel he is loved.

He likes to fulfil obligation, take care of his family. So, he too wanted to be taken care.

Actually, what about me? I don't need to be taken care, so I don't take care of People. But I show my love by empathy and by faithfulness and commitment.