Bodymind - my fat arms

Jan 2
Father, I slept very late yday, tossing and turning. Partly cos I have been sleeping late since I didn't work for past 5 days and I had a late afternoon nap.  But I think its more to do with Z. For the previous 2.nights, I had flu pills and slept like a log before 10 am. Now without pills, full tots came in. I also woke up twice during the night, something that doesn't happen normally.
So, change alarm to 5.30 am instead and skip hata. Meditation was fine. I m real glad I changed my shower session to before instead of after practices.
One thing I noticed is my hair looks good after practices.

Had some tots of Z while I was driving but I waived it off. No point clinging to the past.

Ur body speaks ur mind
Arms
Arms are for action and expression. They enable u to hug or push away, to touch or caress, to show love or anger, to express ur needs, to open ur heart or close off in defense.

Arms manifest all ur inner desired and longings.
Are u doing what u want to do?
Are u doing something u should not be doing?
Are u extending urself too far or holding yourself back.?


Soul
When I read the questions, the last one seems to click. Me holding back on my writing, holding back on my feelings, holding back on isha, holding back on kailash.

Holding back on telling Z that I don't mind if we r blessed with a baby. But I can't say cos I most likely cannot conceived at my age and my preference is still no baby.  But Z comes with a baby package which I have accepted.  But it too late, he had moved on. A tot came, it is not.

Body speaks ur mind
Arms are also weapons. U can use them to attack, deny, reject or repel. U can push away or u can pull closer. U can hold and embrace. Is there something or someone u need to let go?