Jan 12 Eve
Just back from Pe's house. She was tired but knew I had something to tell her. I told her how Z broke up with me via msg and he is getting married. Pe said that was cruel. Z is a coward for not meeting up.
However, she recalled one of her past experience and said Z could be cruel to be kind. Perhaps he wanted to break up with me long time ago but couldn't. This time he had to do the final cut.
In fact, she thinks Z is calling a blough on his marriage. He is most likely haven't found the gal, but wanted to break up with me first.
She said I don't look like a heart broken gal. I told her I m not expressive. I had been sad and crying for past 2 weeks.
Today feeling slightly better after release of sadness. One day at a time.
I can now see Z as giving me advance notice. Just finished watching the last portion of 2nd leela dvd. Still feeling ok. I m also glad I don't feel judged by Pe over Z. We can now be vulnerable with each other, less judgments. She and I came a long way..since more than 10 years ago.
I told Pe that I tot of Kailash, she said I could be running away. I didn't reject but I don't think so, cos Kailash came before my trip to India. But, possible. Anyway, will see if there is any more msg coming. I forgot to share with her that I m not gathering new knowledge in Ashram. I m just deepening my practices, gaining further commitment.
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