One day at a time

Jan 12
Had a good night sleep after watching leela. Little tots of Z and I m glad.

Woke up with a sadness, I asked when will this end? When can I move on?  Did my practices, a quiet calm settled in me.

Went for my swim, bit flustered. I then asked how to go on, the future look bleak. I cried a bit in the pool (first time) and swim one step at a time, feeling calmer. Then I knew how to go on with my life, "one day at a time". I felt better.

Swam for another round, sadness came again, I had tots of Z celebrate with his future wife. This is unfair, I waited 2 years for him but alas its not me. Then I stop, my tots are mine to create. Why don't I focus on my heart, instead of sad tots over Z.

I breathe in then I asked my heart, how? Suddenly a muffle came and I tot my heart cried again, but it was actually singing. I cried again, this time with gladness cos my heart is singing, we can go on, then I started to laugh, one day at a time.

I swam again and suddenly recalled the tot that I always stop my growth. I was afraid that more growth means less chance for me to be loved and comforted.
I knew I stop my growth career wise but I knew that final cut with the new company and going on 3 days weeks is correct.
I also stop my spiritual growth n tot of Kailash came. Yes, go all the way, with that I swam rigorously. Feeling better.

Then tot perhaps to cancel March trip to Australia and focus on Kailash. But never mind, I have money.

Came back, wanting some porridge to comfort myself. Family was waiting for me for dim sum breakfast. Yes, one day at a time.