Sadness is coming out again

Jan 9 Eve

Did evening Shoonya and Samyama. I cried during Samyama. Z should have told me during our call before my trip to Ashram. At least, I can release my sadness there. Didn't have to get my hopes up and then smashed to pieces by his marriage date.
Later, I calmed down and peace settled in me. I said moved on and visualised a new boyfriend and I doing our practices, going to spiritual places, he takes care of me during our kailash trip. We shared our readings, enjoyed our love making. He had a double storey house, with a guru pooja room and I went there for practices. This is a follow up from my wish in yesterday Kapalvriksha meditation.

Now watching television, saw the big bikes. Suddenly tot of Z and his wish to have fun. Instead, he now get married and settled into family life. Aiyah, maybe it is just me reminiscent him. His dream is family with children. My dream is self mastery via yoga practices and self contemplation.

I m glad I have V and S concerned about me. This Saturday meeting J. He normally able to comfort me.

Deb Shapiro
The stress response system begins in the limbic systems in the brain that deals with emotions and feelings. This area also monitors the nervous system, the digestion, heart rate, blood pressure and respiration. The red alert causes the release of adrenaline, cortisol, and other hormones that affect these systems. The hormones shut down the digestive system (to conserve energy), increase the heart rate (to increase energy), suppress the sensation of feeling (so u can be hurt and still keep fighting or running) and increase the rate of breathing.

Soul
No wonder I can sense my heart beat.

Deb Shapiro
The greatest lesson u can learn from being stressed is that u can work with ur stress response and develop a higher level of adaptability by changing ur perception of urself.   U can change ur beliefs! A greater belief in urself, ur capability and a greater sense of humour so u don't take everything - including urself.

Soul
In my case, my stress is in romantic rship. I must have a greater belief in my lovability and in my heart.
Yea, I m a lovely person and there is no more sexual hang up from the past. Z had helped me in that.
 This setback with Z is painful, but I have found my heart and I m in new beginning.