Cosmic Lesson (71) - wavering of ending (3)

Jun 12

Father, did my walk. Lovely walk and I just focus on my breathe. So little tots of Z. Yday when I did the desolation meditation, there was just a bit of sadness and thereafter its just dancing.
Father, I had no regrets. I have done my part.
I don't know why but somehow there is a confidence that he will come back to me once he settled down. In terms of self, he is on the low side, so he need to safeguard it. I need not worry about him, he be fine.

(June 22 - Guess this is partly due to me seeing his next year card - Five of Clubs in Pluto and Queen of Diamonds in Result. Anyway, not sure if he can handle his Pluto. For me this year, handling Nine of Heart in Pluto is not easy.)

When I was doing the walk, I wanted to msg Z how to use the desolation meditation to free himself. Then I tot why don't I share during sathsang instead. Yea, just let him go. No more personal contact until I recovered.

(June 22 - Did the sharing in sathsang and guided all of them into the visual meditation. I can see that they can be

The Science of Mind
Personality is what one does with his individuality, we should turn within (as have all those great soul who have blessed the world with their presence)n we should turn within and FIND GOD.
The INFINITE is personal to every soul who believes in the INFINITE.


Jun 12 Eve
Father, today sathsang is great. I am glad to help.
Saw Z and he deliberately touched my hand. Looks like he is still on to me. I just treat him as other meditator. Then he tried to catch my attention by saying I wear white watch, which I just ignored.
Then during dinner, I try to sit far away from him. Later, K brought me to sit besides him and I was then facing Z. I can see Z's face changed a bit. He just continue to eat and didn't talk much.
Father, I miss our talk. I wanted to call him but tot how, 2 rounds of discussion and the last time he didn't want to be 'openly' on with me. If I call him again, would be third time. I think it should be him calling me instead.
A tot came but he think he is unlovable. Aiyah, I already told him I want him. How many times does I need to repeat??
Such irony, me who is afraid to open up to declare now face someone who needs it constantly.
Father, forget it. Perhaps its just me getting attached to him, maybe he doesn't want me as much as I do. He has repeatedly told me its fine if I run away.
I recalled he shy off when I asked him if he liked me enough to compromise. He asked what is the compromise he has to make.