Cosmic Reward (60) - Positive Tots

May 29

Father, today I had a positive tot about Z. I now know its not easy for him to let go of me. He himself said we had one or two years to go. I used to think that he was being a selfish person for keeping me so long and yet don't want to give me commitment. But now I had another view. He wants to keep me so long because he doesn't want to let me go. He cannot let go of me easily, just like I can't let go of him.
So, it is mutual.
These days when I msg him, his replies are nearly immediate. He told me that when he respond to someone, that's means "there is something".

Evening
Been eating so much since Korea and put on some weight. The mind is saying that Z would find me fat. And here he is slimming down due to his weekly run. But I said never mind, he won't. Anyway, next week, I will be on light meal.

Did my Isha Kriya for second time. Again I was laughing loads. Its like a private sathsang with Sadhguru. It will be good to do this from Friday to Sunday.

Just read my Saturn Card
Seven of Club in Saturn
Personal challenge is the negative aspect of mind, which are worry, doubt and pessimism.

Soul
Yea, I need to somewhat overcome with Z. Him being unreachable and fixed plan has created worry, doubt and pessimism in me.

Today woke up 4 am, drove 2 hours outstation, spend nearly full day and yet come back home still fine. Amazing energy, never happen before.

Expect a Miracle
Mantra
Miracles are my constant potential and I now open myself to their manifesting.

We must be in a state of expectation when the "transcendent event" happened. We make ourselves available to the miracles of possibility, but also conscientiously set out to be facilitators of that change. We set our will to do something and then held to the notion that a miracle was on the way, thus becoming conductors of a great transformation

Soul
Incredible. Same msg as Osho card of Accidental Enlightenment.

Expect a Miracle
By ur willingness to receive love into ur life, u r opening the door for everyone involved and connected to u to experience a higher level of love. The willingness is up to u.

Soul
Alas I now know that it is not just me who cannot let go of us. He too cannot let go of us.
My first breakthru was knowing there is nothing to lose in my relationship with Z. Z won't let go.