Cosmic Reward - beginning of recovery (1)

Jun 13

Yday sathsang was great as I just do my own thing. This time I didn't look at timing. I just proceed. I like the new place.
The only hiccup was M, I asked him to switch on music at 6 pm and he did it at 5.50 pm without consulting me. Then the music ended 3 min before the 6.20 pm. So, there were moments of silent. I just proceed at 6.18 pm instead. I will call him tonight that this is not logistic and he didn't follow instruction. Not the first time, it happen few times during intro session. I was angry but I had let it go. This time I cannot.

(Jun 22 - a few days later I spoke to him and he understand.)

Amazingly I was ok with the veg food at the restaurant.

When I was about to sleep, I felt such longing for him. Then I just fall to sleep.

When I did my practice, I had some tots of him during shakti that I ignore. I miss him and seeing make want him so. But of course, he won't know cos I didn't show it. Father, part of me know he will be back to me. Only thing is I don't know when.

The Science of Mind
Suffering is man-made, through ignorance. It will continue until man learns how to make it negative in his experience. Someday we shall decide that we have had enough suffering.

There is no devil, no hell, no torment, no damnation outside of one's own state of tot, no punishment outside of that self-inflicted, through ignorance; and no salvation outside of conscious co-operation with the Infinite. Heaven and Hell are state of consciousness.

The aim of evolution is to produce a man who, at the objective point of his own self-determination, may completely manifest the inner life of the Spirit. Even the Spirit does not seek to control us, It let us alone to discover ourselves. The most precious thing a man possesses is his own individuality.

As we enter into the One, the One enters into us and becomes us and is us. This is Mystical Marriage, the union of the soul of man with the Soul of God and the Unity of all Life.

The highest mental practice is to listen to this Inner Voice and to declare Its Presence. The greater a man's consciousness of this Indwelling I AM, the more fully he will live. This will never lead to illusion, but will always lead to Reality.


Jun 13 Eve
Father, looks like its off. But part of me had a feeling he be back because he wants me too. Now not the right timing.

C just called me and shared on her issue with her husband. This time I didn't go into her victim mode. I told her only she can help herself. She is in the marriage and she can decide if she want to suffer or not. Decision made and now is only the journey. Tot about me and Z. I have made my decision to end. I have already informed P and boss. I was surprised I could tell boss. So, I can now decide to walk in pain or in neutral mode when we separate.
I have kept the Expect in Miracle book as it brings back memories of him. Now I need to heal.

I recalled I didn't really connect
"You can heal ur life by Louise Hays" a year ago cos I am not sure if I could heal. But now I want to be healed.

You can heal ur life by Louise Hays
Affirmation; "Love is everywhere, and I am loving and lovable.