Cosmic Reward - I am fine even in ending

Jun 8 Eve

I cried on the way home. He didn't turn up for the event and that means its the end. He is a gentleman and he wants to give me a breather to forget him. He may even stay away from this sunday event to help me further. Then it would be one month for me to heal. By then I reached my 44, a new year for me.

(Jun 12 - drama in my mind. He had something urgent and couldn't turn up. He wanted to call me but afraid I would scold him and so didn't)

Such irony, I entered into the rship because I want him and now I am leaving also because I want him.

I miss him but we cannot go back now. While there are regrets cos I miss him but I know its for the best cos the sadness is accumulating. And the sadness turns to repressed anger which turns to fat. This is the first time in 3 years that my weight/bulge increased so much. The suppressed sadness caused the child to counter in terms of food.

(Jun 12 - skin irritation has stopped and body is toning down again)

Father, I am fine. When I did my shoonya this evening, I was laughing loads. My joy remain intact eventhough external doesn't look good. But joy comes only when I goes inward.