Cosmic Reward - benefits from ending (6)

Jun 19

Father, knowing that I too unable to open up to my writing, just like Z cannot open up our rship.
Somehow, my anger against Z is gone. I perceived that he didn't like me enough to overcome his fear.
Now I too didn't like my writing enough to overcome my fear.
I am not confident of myself, just like Z is not confident of himself.
And I can understand why he deflate me in the end, just like I deflate my writing/my dream.

Open, loving rship is Z's dream. Self mastery/sharing is my dream.
Father, I just know one thing. I cannot let my fear of unhappiness drives me.

Just like I leave Z, my writing would leave me too. So, just like Z can't achieve his dream, I too cannot.

Father, I felt such calm. Such certainty that Z and I has ended and there is no hope of reconciliation in the short term.

Father, guide me on how to open up my writing.

Late morning
Tot of Z. He said he can be open with me if I am not from Isha. How can he decide where he meet the gal?

Then a tot came to me, u too question yourself why ur writing has to come from ur insights based on personal experience. Why can't u write some fiction so u don't have to open up ur self?? Why my skill has to open me up. I am private and I don't even like to have facebook and now I have to open up my all.

Father, now I know reason for the break up. Now I knew why the result is Jack of Club - writing. Now I knew why he is my Cosmic Lesson, Pluto and Cosmic Reward.
Now whenever I question or judge his behaviour on deciding not to be open on us, the next tot will come back to me and my writing.