Cosmic Reward (60) - Positive Tots

May 30 Aft
Father, I am not feeling good. Why? Is it Z? But he has been responsive these days and I would say we are going fine. What am I disturbed about? Is it about no work?

It could be both. With Z, we seems to be going on fine. But I cannot even called him my boyfriend. What can I call him? My companion? Then it would raise more question. Father, for the first time I want commitment. Worry is coming up on how I handle this once we go all the way. Aiyah, maybe its just the same lah.

Aiyah, a week before menses, I am feeling edgy. Also wanting him a lot. Missing our time.

1. The Issue
Totality
Whenever u r not total, wherever u r in the head, thinking, brooding, clever - u r not total. Slowly, slowly slip out of those moments.

Taking one step through life at a time, giving each step ur complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all that u do.

Soul
Msg is just to focus on me opening the final door to Z. Let's not ponder what's going to happen next.
Also, work wise, I can't do much this week as everything is pending. Aiyah, maybe its good so I can focus on Z.

2. Internal Influence that u r unable to see
Patience
We have forgotten to wait, we want everything in a hurry.
There are times when the only thing to do is to wait. This card remind us that now is a time when all that is required is to be simply alert, patient, waiting.

Soul
True. I haven't even pass the final door and here I am projecting what happen next.
I must remember that Z is like me, doesn't want to be rushed. And there is actually nothing to rush. There is no declaration to be made.
Yea, I want him asap. Can't wait for this Thursday.

3. External Influence of which u r aware
Ice-olation
We are miserable because we r too much in the self. To be in the self means to become an island, to draw a boundary line around u. The self isolates and it makes u frozen.
Hence people have become like ice cube. They don't have love - love is warmth and they are afraid of love. If warmth comes to them, they will start melting and the boundaries will disappear. In love, the boundaries disappear, in joy also the boundaries disappear because joy is not cold.

Soul
Father, the ice door is finally opening. I used to be alone so as to avoid loss.
I know my joy is inclusive. When I am joyful, I feel abundance and I want him to be with me, partaking in my joy. When I am joyful, I enjoy giving him pleasure, giving him warmth and contentment.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Beyond Illusion
Do not look outside for what is real, look within. When we focus on the externals, we too often caught up in judgements - this is good, this is bad, I want this, I don't want this. These judgements keep us trapped in our illusions, our old habits and patterns.

Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There u can relax into ur own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.

Soul
Yea, stop comparing my rship with Z with other people's rship. Let's not tie it to the past.
I know we r good, infact great. We have both turn out so well. Just lets focus on opening the final door.

5. Resolution
The Creator
The mystic, creates himself. He doesn't work with objects, he works with the subject. He works on himself, his own being. He is the real creator, because he makes himself into a masterpiece.
U r carrying a masterpiece hidden within u but u r standing in the way. Just move aside, then the masterpiece will be revealed.
The King of Fire tells us that anything that we undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enhancement to ur own life and to the lives of others.

Soul
Open my last door to Z.
And like Z, I too am a self-made woman. I love him for his courage, his preserverance, his humour.