Cosmic Reward (63) - I am having positive tots

un 2 Aft

My mind did work a bit on the fact Z didn't respond to my msg. Its 2 msg now.
I just breathe in I am not my mind. We just talked the other day and I know I was in his mind. He even told me that. Anyway, will stay neutral. He is just busy and he is now in outstation. Just let him be.

This week I was bit worry about having to pay for monthly maid. Just found my apt loan only have 700 plus dollar to settle. That's means I am commitment free. Z said since I don't know how to multiply my money, I should not spend unnecessarily. He even said I should exclude employee contribution as it is a bonus.

I had an alternative tot just now. Instead of feeling 'bad' whenever the mind tells me I am unlovable and Z rejects me. Why don't I just treat it neutral or see it as a happy problem instead.

All these years I have avoided romantic relationship because I didn't want to face my pain body. I avoided it or sabotage myself.
Why don't I just accept the pain body feelings to be there but do not react to it? Otherwise I be on avoiding mode and that doesn't help me in my Top 5.

Just now feeling bit uneasy cos I don't have work to prepare. Bad feeling came in. Then I stop myself, why don't I feel happy I don't have that much work and got hours to spare at office.

(June 16 - nowadays I can spend at least half an hour to 1 hour doing my blog during office hour. I no longer felt guilty or felt lower valued. I just enjoy my freedom. I am sitting here writing and leg swinging automatically. Thats means I am happy.)

Karma - not enough love, not enough money, not enough work or etc.

I also learned something yesterday from my nieces and nephews. I asked them which comes first;
1. U like to play and so u continue to play and become good through practice; or
2. U are naturally good and u then continue to play and u like it.

All of them say liking comes first. When u like, u enjoy, u do more and u become good.