Cosmic Reward - ending is destined (3)

Jun 10

Father, did my practice. It was fine. This morning woke up with a neck tightness, probably slept wrongly yday.
Tot of Z's offer. He wants me, period. He is even willing to do whatever I want just to have me. He even went to the extent of saying he call me five times a day if that's what I want. When I said no, he said we cool off first and when I am ok, we can start again.

When I ended the phone call, I cried. I want him still but I just couldn't agree to his on proposal. I can't lie to him and it is his dream to have children. And he wanted me to be a housewife. Firstly my dream doesn't include children and secondly I cannot be housewife.

I know him but he doesn't know me. Tot of sending my INTP personality to him so he knows. But on second tot, why prolong?
Actually I was even willing to compromise at one child. But there is no way I become a housewife. I won't be happy.

He explained to me why he needs children. He said he doesn't have other interest, he doesn't fool around, he stayed at home so he need children. His view of marriage is traditional, just like I tot.

He even told me sex for him is a form of expression of his feelings. True, that is also stated in his ESTJ profile.
Aiyah, stop it. It is over. Father, I didn't expect him to feel for me too. I didn't expect him to give me the 'On option".

Aiyah, I just recalled that I knew what his plan is - marriage and children, even before I went into the no commitment rship. I tot I just go in and come out. I didn't knew I will face or be offered the On option.
Actually part of me is also afraid of being offered as I would reject. I knew it since our first date when he asked me if I tot about having children. I knew we be short term. But what I didn't realise is I want the On option but no children.

Father, it just occur to me that I too wanted the non-commitment option cos I knew I cannot take his On option because I didn't plan to have children.
I want a Hybrid option, On but marriage yet.

To me, I wanted to get to know him better. We are good for each other. We r both quite fixated on what we want. We just need to compromise lah.

I just msg him;
I didn't know our feelings are mutual, so wasn't prepared yday. Is there a Fourth option that we can compromise on?

I guess for me, I already knew I had to compromise. But he too need to compromise. We r both strong headed. Perhaps that's why we meet each other, so we can bend bit and compromise and in the process grow up.

What I want. I want an open rship. I want us to be a couple. We get to know each other more out in public, not just in bed. We can meet each other family. We can decide if we want to get married after 1 year if we r still on by then.
If and when we do get married. I only want one child and I want to work, I won't be a housewife. I need a maid cos I don't do housework and I want time off to do my writing and etc.
I want to have time alone with my husband, we grow and play together. I expect husband to spend more time with me, rather than with our child.

It also work for him cos he doesn't plan to get married like 2 years later.

I am happy with myself. For the first time I wasn't feeling negative about romantic rship, thinking its dead end.
He gave 3 options. I now counter offered with my option, but can discuss. I now can stand my ground and ask for what I want.
Hey, I have transferred the confidence from work to rship.
Nothing to lose, we can talk it out. We r both smart to know we want this to work and will find a way.
If not can still walk away, but at least we tried and there is no regret.

Three of Hearts
Creativity in affection.
We wanting to learn about love throu experimentation
We will not be making any hard and fast rship commitments until later

This is a card of self-expression, we r talking more, expressing our feelings and meeting new people.