Mar 30 evening
I was invited to a Catholic baptism. I had attended my sister's Christian baptism before and tot that the process will be the same.
I went and because it was Virgil night, the baptism will only take place thereafter. I reached there early at 8.30 pm to avoid a rush. When I sat there, I read the agenda and for a moment I really regret going as the session is very long with many bible readings and songs. I wonder how can I last through the night. And I cannot even leave early as the baptism is the last process.
So, I tot that that the only way for me to get thru this is via meditation. I ignored the others, sat in cross leg position and start to do breathing meditation. I was in meditation mode, very easily since the energy in the Catholic church is good. Once I have done nearly half an hour meditation, I was able to join their singing procession. They were signing prayers of thankfulness to Father and Jesus. I have always been thankful for Father for guiding me all these while. So, I was able to sing with my heart. Little did I realised that the whole procession lasted 3 and half hour.
And I felt that this is a new Life for me too..I am now ready to call myself Joy. That's is my true name and it comes from within. Amen
A tot came to me, on Sadhguru's youtube. Someone asked if yoga is against religion. On the contrary, yoga enable us to make our religion an experience than just a belief.
I have experienced God's energy in a church, in a buddhist temple and in a Indian devi ceremony..Amen
Saturday, March 30, 2013
New beginning
Mar 30
Woke up and tot 2 days to ending. Then a tot came. It already ended and u now in new beginning.
Father, did one cycle of Surya kriya, good too. It really brings one to an immediate meditative mode.
Shakti and Shambavi went in deep. Towards the end I was singing. It has been a long while since I sang.
Just got back from a Buddhist temple. While I was praying. A giggle came out. Father, thank u. Little tots today.
Just now a friend shared about her depression and I was surprised. I was quite calm about it. Did a quick reading and saw that she has Seven of Hearts as Ruling card and age 45 was her major deaths year. She has 3 sets of Nines in her year card.
Woke up and tot 2 days to ending. Then a tot came. It already ended and u now in new beginning.
Father, did one cycle of Surya kriya, good too. It really brings one to an immediate meditative mode.
Shakti and Shambavi went in deep. Towards the end I was singing. It has been a long while since I sang.
Just got back from a Buddhist temple. While I was praying. A giggle came out. Father, thank u. Little tots today.
Just now a friend shared about her depression and I was surprised. I was quite calm about it. Did a quick reading and saw that she has Seven of Hearts as Ruling card and age 45 was her major deaths year. She has 3 sets of Nines in her year card.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Growth is only possible if we don't accept the status quo
Mar 29 eve 1
Osho
Man has infinite possibilities. If we believe that what we are is all there is, then there is no possibility to grow. Growth is possible only if we do not take what we are to be our ultimate potential.
The West has never considered its external conditions to be the ultimate state of perfection; hence the West has succeeded in changing these conditions to a great extent. They did not accept external circumstances as they existed and hence they have totally changed it.
But the East has undertaken a deeper experiment. The East does not accept the inner state of man as it is. He is worthy of transformation; he should transform himself. He can attain to his inner being, only if he changes. If he can transforms, only then can be attain to the state where he can be peaceful, content and blissful.
Soul
I have always focused on inner.
I went on my journey as I can't accept that its our unconscious that rules us. I can't believe that I am meant to suffer. I know we are meant to be happy. I want to control my own destiny.
Suddenly remember what Sadhguru said about yoga. Yoga is the tool for you to make your own destiny.
Osho
Man has infinite possibilities. If we believe that what we are is all there is, then there is no possibility to grow. Growth is possible only if we do not take what we are to be our ultimate potential.
The West has never considered its external conditions to be the ultimate state of perfection; hence the West has succeeded in changing these conditions to a great extent. They did not accept external circumstances as they existed and hence they have totally changed it.
But the East has undertaken a deeper experiment. The East does not accept the inner state of man as it is. He is worthy of transformation; he should transform himself. He can attain to his inner being, only if he changes. If he can transforms, only then can be attain to the state where he can be peaceful, content and blissful.
Soul
I have always focused on inner.
I went on my journey as I can't accept that its our unconscious that rules us. I can't believe that I am meant to suffer. I know we are meant to be happy. I want to control my own destiny.
Suddenly remember what Sadhguru said about yoga. Yoga is the tool for you to make your own destiny.
Dancing with the nature..grass and trees
Mar 29 even
I came back from cafe and went for a walk in the park. Feels good. Was dancing in the park with nature. The trees spoke to me and the grass are so lovely and green. So alive!
Since the park was quiet, I can laugh whenever I want to.
Released the excess energy.
It's ironic, I tot I m not good in physical activity but now I know I must do physical activity to release energy.
Youtube compilation
Sadhguru
U seeking a rship as a source of happiness. That means your happiness is not on self start.
If u r happy by ur own nature, then rship is for u to express your happiness. U r not seeking joy from others. Then rship will become wonderful. U need not worried about fulfilling expectation of others. Cos if you are joyful by yourself, they will want to be with you.
Soul
Yea. Same msg. Just be whole on my own.
Sadhguru
Becoming prayerful. U occupy a minor place in ur own life, something or someone is greater than you. Then u r in upasana. Prayer is a quality. Prayer is not an act.
Meditation is a homecoming. It is going inside yourself. It is not going anywhere.
Soul
Yes. I agree. I felt at home.
Sadhguru
How u eat is important. Once u r a human, everything u must do consciously. So, u must eat consciously. Eating only what is good for u.
Best is 40% life food, in raw condition.
Soul
First time I can write about food. Today is the fourth day without looking for poultry.
So far, just on fish and load of vegetable.
Sadhguru
Ur desires is unlimited. Thru the vehicle body, u will remain unfulfilled as body is limited.
Caroline Myss
Mystic see light and having 'blindness to adjust to the light. His interior adjust to the frequency of light.
Why do u think so many mystic rename themselves? They want an interior life to emerge. They want that energy self. They will go for a different spelling of their name. They will be renamed.
They will be given a name that bypass their ego and was meant to address your soul. The reason is they are calling forth the speed at which their spirit can function over the fear that limit and manages the function on their body.
Soul
So, yea me too. I m Joy. Time to use my new Soul name, Joy.
Caroline Myss
Before u embark on the path of healer, u must see if u got faith. As a healer, u have to be a vessel of faith, u cannot be a vessel of doubt
Faith is the matter, not the skill.
Soul
My cosmic lesson card is Seven of Spades, Faith card.
I came back from cafe and went for a walk in the park. Feels good. Was dancing in the park with nature. The trees spoke to me and the grass are so lovely and green. So alive!
Since the park was quiet, I can laugh whenever I want to.
Released the excess energy.
It's ironic, I tot I m not good in physical activity but now I know I must do physical activity to release energy.
Youtube compilation
Sadhguru
U seeking a rship as a source of happiness. That means your happiness is not on self start.
If u r happy by ur own nature, then rship is for u to express your happiness. U r not seeking joy from others. Then rship will become wonderful. U need not worried about fulfilling expectation of others. Cos if you are joyful by yourself, they will want to be with you.
Soul
Yea. Same msg. Just be whole on my own.
Sadhguru
Becoming prayerful. U occupy a minor place in ur own life, something or someone is greater than you. Then u r in upasana. Prayer is a quality. Prayer is not an act.
Meditation is a homecoming. It is going inside yourself. It is not going anywhere.
Soul
Yes. I agree. I felt at home.
Sadhguru
How u eat is important. Once u r a human, everything u must do consciously. So, u must eat consciously. Eating only what is good for u.
Best is 40% life food, in raw condition.
Soul
First time I can write about food. Today is the fourth day without looking for poultry.
So far, just on fish and load of vegetable.
Sadhguru
Ur desires is unlimited. Thru the vehicle body, u will remain unfulfilled as body is limited.
Caroline Myss
Mystic see light and having 'blindness to adjust to the light. His interior adjust to the frequency of light.
Why do u think so many mystic rename themselves? They want an interior life to emerge. They want that energy self. They will go for a different spelling of their name. They will be renamed.
They will be given a name that bypass their ego and was meant to address your soul. The reason is they are calling forth the speed at which their spirit can function over the fear that limit and manages the function on their body.
Soul
So, yea me too. I m Joy. Time to use my new Soul name, Joy.
Caroline Myss
Before u embark on the path of healer, u must see if u got faith. As a healer, u have to be a vessel of faith, u cannot be a vessel of doubt
Faith is the matter, not the skill.
Soul
My cosmic lesson card is Seven of Spades, Faith card.
Surya kriya - 5 cycles...amazing
Mar 29
Father, woke up to do 5 cycles of Surya kriya. It was intense, I fell into deep meditation straight off. Breathing meditation was fine. There were little tots.
Shakti and Shambavi was explosive. I sat for a long while, head shaking vigorously, laughing, dancing as if I m in Samyama program. Really explosive.
Count down 2 days. Tots of sadness comes in. But I remind myself of the new beginning. For the past few days, I have changed my diet and I know this will stay. I just know meat is not good for me. I have my fill of good food, time to let go. Just like letting go of Z.
Got my Osho card today
Going with the flow
Don't remain stagnant. Move and move like water. Water has no ego idea.
Be available to the current of life, with never a tot of saying "I don't like that" or "I prefer to go the other way"
Every moment in life, we have a choice whether to enter life's water and float or try to swim upstream.
When this card appears, u r able to float now, trusting that life will support you in ur relaxation and take u exactly where it wants u to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more, everything is happening exactly as it should.
Father, woke up to do 5 cycles of Surya kriya. It was intense, I fell into deep meditation straight off. Breathing meditation was fine. There were little tots.
Shakti and Shambavi was explosive. I sat for a long while, head shaking vigorously, laughing, dancing as if I m in Samyama program. Really explosive.
Count down 2 days. Tots of sadness comes in. But I remind myself of the new beginning. For the past few days, I have changed my diet and I know this will stay. I just know meat is not good for me. I have my fill of good food, time to let go. Just like letting go of Z.
Got my Osho card today
Going with the flow
Don't remain stagnant. Move and move like water. Water has no ego idea.
Be available to the current of life, with never a tot of saying "I don't like that" or "I prefer to go the other way"
Every moment in life, we have a choice whether to enter life's water and float or try to swim upstream.
When this card appears, u r able to float now, trusting that life will support you in ur relaxation and take u exactly where it wants u to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more, everything is happening exactly as it should.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Desire is the third knot
Mar 28 eve
Silence reduce somewhat. I noticed it reduce whenever I lose awareness of myself. I can get back to silence by doing Samyama.
Father, just now meeting with management didn't go well. The boss keep on asserting she knows best. But alas cannot drive the business. As my tots were churning negatively, I bring back my awareness and see beyond the critic and work for the best. With the change of my perception, the initial resistance dissolve. I m going to learn the next operational phase. My FM agreed with me too.
Osho
The first knot was the mind. The second knot was the life-current, the life for life.
The third knot is desiring. Have u ever known a moment when u had no desire? If u can even for one moment come to a desireless state, in that very moment, you become godly.
Desire means: "I am not interested in what already is, I am interested in what I desire there should be".
Desire means u r not interested in what is available. Your interest in what should be available. But when it become available, u will not be interested in it anymore, because now it has become the present and your interest always lies in the future.
Desires always reaches out into the future and goes on missing the present. And yet whatever actually exists is here and now.
Soul
I can relate to that. But desire is living or is it not?
Osho
The more the desires, the more the knots, the deeper the desires, the more complicated the knots.
We are just a collection of unfulfilled desires, because no desire is ever fulfilled. We exist as demands - thousand of different beggars exist within us. And each and every desire demands a different kind of satisfaction. Nothing is ever achieved.
The one who goes on demanding will go on wandering on the outer journey, in the outer world. Only the one who ceases to demand enters the inner depth.
Soul
Good Food was my salvation. I have always said the day I turn vegetarian voluntarily, that's the day I get enlightened.
Today is third day without meat. I was at dinner with friends. I just ate vege, took potato from the chicken curry and mutton gravy. Ignored the meat.
I was surprised at myself. There were no fuss, no shame or loss of pride. I can do it even with mostly veg food.
Silence reduce somewhat. I noticed it reduce whenever I lose awareness of myself. I can get back to silence by doing Samyama.
Father, just now meeting with management didn't go well. The boss keep on asserting she knows best. But alas cannot drive the business. As my tots were churning negatively, I bring back my awareness and see beyond the critic and work for the best. With the change of my perception, the initial resistance dissolve. I m going to learn the next operational phase. My FM agreed with me too.
Osho
The first knot was the mind. The second knot was the life-current, the life for life.
The third knot is desiring. Have u ever known a moment when u had no desire? If u can even for one moment come to a desireless state, in that very moment, you become godly.
Desire means: "I am not interested in what already is, I am interested in what I desire there should be".
Desire means u r not interested in what is available. Your interest in what should be available. But when it become available, u will not be interested in it anymore, because now it has become the present and your interest always lies in the future.
Desires always reaches out into the future and goes on missing the present. And yet whatever actually exists is here and now.
Soul
I can relate to that. But desire is living or is it not?
Osho
The more the desires, the more the knots, the deeper the desires, the more complicated the knots.
We are just a collection of unfulfilled desires, because no desire is ever fulfilled. We exist as demands - thousand of different beggars exist within us. And each and every desire demands a different kind of satisfaction. Nothing is ever achieved.
The one who goes on demanding will go on wandering on the outer journey, in the outer world. Only the one who ceases to demand enters the inner depth.
Soul
Good Food was my salvation. I have always said the day I turn vegetarian voluntarily, that's the day I get enlightened.
Today is third day without meat. I was at dinner with friends. I just ate vege, took potato from the chicken curry and mutton gravy. Ignored the meat.
I was surprised at myself. There were no fuss, no shame or loss of pride. I can do it even with mostly veg food.
Silence is still on...what was dark is now light
Mar 28 aft
Father, thank u. The silence is still on.
Father, thanks for everything.
Lunar in Scorpio
Children born with this eclipse need special guidance in discovering their boundaries. Whatever limits are set, must always be enforced.
Soul
My parents never gave me any boundaries. I was quite wild, curious and playing with everything. But the incident stopped me, brought in my controls.
Father, I used to lament about the incident that happen. But in hindsight, without the incident, I can really become wild, without any boundary. Father, for the first time, what was viewed as dark is now light.
Lunar in Scorpio
It is important for u to recognise the good within yourself because this eclipse rules the energy of destruction, and until you see the spark of good within you, u will continue on a self destructive path. U don't see your own value until someone else reflects it. U are here to learn ur value as a human being, to society and to others.
Soul
I m seeing it now. Yesterday, helped K and today opened up As. And without getting myself entangled.
Sharing is not entangling.
Lunar in Scorpio
In order to let go of the obstruction and not experience physical problems from holding back what needs to be released, u must learn that u cannot control everything around you.
Soul
Control helped to give me parameters and now it's time for release.
Father, thank u. The silence is still on.
Father, thanks for everything.
Lunar in Scorpio
Children born with this eclipse need special guidance in discovering their boundaries. Whatever limits are set, must always be enforced.
Soul
My parents never gave me any boundaries. I was quite wild, curious and playing with everything. But the incident stopped me, brought in my controls.
Father, I used to lament about the incident that happen. But in hindsight, without the incident, I can really become wild, without any boundary. Father, for the first time, what was viewed as dark is now light.
Lunar in Scorpio
It is important for u to recognise the good within yourself because this eclipse rules the energy of destruction, and until you see the spark of good within you, u will continue on a self destructive path. U don't see your own value until someone else reflects it. U are here to learn ur value as a human being, to society and to others.
Soul
I m seeing it now. Yesterday, helped K and today opened up As. And without getting myself entangled.
Sharing is not entangling.
Lunar in Scorpio
In order to let go of the obstruction and not experience physical problems from holding back what needs to be released, u must learn that u cannot control everything around you.
Soul
Control helped to give me parameters and now it's time for release.
Mind going into silence
Mar 28
Today woke up at 4.30 am without the alarm. I know it's time but why no alarm. Then I tot maybe I accidentally switched it off yesterday. True enough, it was off. Get up 4.40 am to shower. At first mind says do 1 cycle surya kriya but I ignored it, ok to be late.
Did 3 cycles of Surya Kriya.
Driving to work. Very little chatters in the mind. I m still savouring it. Because the mind is quiet, I was able to observe my surrounding. I feel light. I feel contented. Just being. Then I saw the trees. They too are just being. Come rain or shine, they r just being. Father, it feels nice. Just being.
Not sure also if this could be due to 2 days of veg. But maybe not. I think it's because of overcoming the duality of facing Z. Both loving him and releasing him.
I can't stop loving him and yet I can't hold on to him. Both are fine with me.
This week Osho Internal influence card
Inner voice
The Inner Voice speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart. It is like an oracle that only speaks the truth. If it had a face, it be alert and watchful, and able to accept both the dark and the light, symbolised by 2 hands holding the crystal. The crystal itself represents the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.
Then u live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself. Your whole life becomes a prayer without any words or better to say, a prayerfulness, a grace, a beauty which does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world.
Soul
That's exactly how I feel. I have got this card before. But I have never experienced the grace. Never tot it can happen. It is now truly happening. I m savouring the silence. Savouring the lightness. This is true grace. Just being. As I m typing this tears brimming. Just feel so grateful for the grace. Thanks to Father who sent Sadhguru and Osho. Thanks to C who intro me to 7thunder and Jan Spiller. And most of all thanks to Z for being the Tool for me to experience this grace. Amen. Suddenly remember, thanks to me for the courage and perseverance to undertake the journey.
I m just looking at my surrounding. Feeling the trees, seeing the people in cafe. Just being. Yea, being in the Now! Being present now! I can't stop smiling and the waiters in cafe looking at me curiously..smiling at me too!
A song is humming in my mind now. Then silence. Father, it is singing again. As I was driving to office, I started to giggle and laugh non stop.
Four of Diamonds
A solid sense of values. When we knows exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly.
Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated and u may have a good foundation upon which u can begin building a financial future.
Osho
Maturity
The distinction between the grasses and the blossoms is the same as between u not knowing u r Buddha, and the moment u know u r Buddha Buddha is completely blossomed, fully open. This is a spiritual spring.
This figure stands alone, silent and yet alert. The inner being is filled with flowers - that carry the quality of springtime and regenerate wherever he goes. This inner flowering and the wholeness that he feels affords the possibility of unlimited movement. Within and without it makes no difference as his joy and maturity cannot be diminished by externals. He has come to a time of centeredness and expansiveness - the white glow around the figure is his protection and his light. All of life's experiences have brought him to this time of perfection. When u draw this card, know well this moment carries a gift - for hard work well done. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are outcome of what has already been experienced within.
Soul
Amen. Both 7thunder and Osho had the same msg.
Today woke up at 4.30 am without the alarm. I know it's time but why no alarm. Then I tot maybe I accidentally switched it off yesterday. True enough, it was off. Get up 4.40 am to shower. At first mind says do 1 cycle surya kriya but I ignored it, ok to be late.
Did 3 cycles of Surya Kriya.
Driving to work. Very little chatters in the mind. I m still savouring it. Because the mind is quiet, I was able to observe my surrounding. I feel light. I feel contented. Just being. Then I saw the trees. They too are just being. Come rain or shine, they r just being. Father, it feels nice. Just being.
Not sure also if this could be due to 2 days of veg. But maybe not. I think it's because of overcoming the duality of facing Z. Both loving him and releasing him.
I can't stop loving him and yet I can't hold on to him. Both are fine with me.
This week Osho Internal influence card
Inner voice
The Inner Voice speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart. It is like an oracle that only speaks the truth. If it had a face, it be alert and watchful, and able to accept both the dark and the light, symbolised by 2 hands holding the crystal. The crystal itself represents the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.
Then u live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself. Your whole life becomes a prayer without any words or better to say, a prayerfulness, a grace, a beauty which does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world.
Soul
That's exactly how I feel. I have got this card before. But I have never experienced the grace. Never tot it can happen. It is now truly happening. I m savouring the silence. Savouring the lightness. This is true grace. Just being. As I m typing this tears brimming. Just feel so grateful for the grace. Thanks to Father who sent Sadhguru and Osho. Thanks to C who intro me to 7thunder and Jan Spiller. And most of all thanks to Z for being the Tool for me to experience this grace. Amen. Suddenly remember, thanks to me for the courage and perseverance to undertake the journey.
I m just looking at my surrounding. Feeling the trees, seeing the people in cafe. Just being. Yea, being in the Now! Being present now! I can't stop smiling and the waiters in cafe looking at me curiously..smiling at me too!
A song is humming in my mind now. Then silence. Father, it is singing again. As I was driving to office, I started to giggle and laugh non stop.
Four of Diamonds
A solid sense of values. When we knows exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly.
Satisfaction and prosperity are indicated and u may have a good foundation upon which u can begin building a financial future.
Osho
Maturity
The distinction between the grasses and the blossoms is the same as between u not knowing u r Buddha, and the moment u know u r Buddha Buddha is completely blossomed, fully open. This is a spiritual spring.
This figure stands alone, silent and yet alert. The inner being is filled with flowers - that carry the quality of springtime and regenerate wherever he goes. This inner flowering and the wholeness that he feels affords the possibility of unlimited movement. Within and without it makes no difference as his joy and maturity cannot be diminished by externals. He has come to a time of centeredness and expansiveness - the white glow around the figure is his protection and his light. All of life's experiences have brought him to this time of perfection. When u draw this card, know well this moment carries a gift - for hard work well done. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are outcome of what has already been experienced within.
Soul
Amen. Both 7thunder and Osho had the same msg.
Mind is going into silent mode..
Mar 27 eve
Shoonya was ok but Samyama was good. Was laughing at the end. Good plough back too.
On 5 cycles of Surya kriya, I will do that on my off days.
Two days has passes and I have gone without meat. But just now had some prawn eggs. Looks like that be my focus for next 3 months, change of diet. I m surprised at myself, not much fuss.
Father, I m bit unused to the silence in my mind. Very little chatters. I feel light in my mind. Now I feel just contented.
Suddenly saw Z in Facebook. The mind trying to create drama and I just ignore. I didn't get hooked. I m not going to be entangled.
Osho
Mind has no existence, it only appears to exist, it is only a form. When consciousness is disturbed, mind is created - it is only a form. A dream in the night has no existence but has a form.
U go see a film; a film has no existence in reality but has form on the screen, it only appears to exist. But even an intelligent person cries and laughs at a film, although they know perfectly well that nothing exists on the screen.
But the form creates an illusion - the illusion of existence. And for a moment, when we are overwhelmed by the form and forget the self, then the form becomes very real.
If u can remember, try watching a film and continuously remember yourself - then tears will be impossible. Tears are only possible if you forget yourself as the watcher, when u become so identified that u forget that u have come to see the film - then only the film u r watching exists and u r not.
When the thing u r watching becomes everything and the one who is watching is forgotten then u cry, the mind can become sad, the mind can become happy; everything can happen in the mind, although there is nothing real on the screen.
Soul
No wonder Sadhguru asked us to practice Samyama while watching television.
Osho
Mind is form. But the watcher inside, the knower within, has forgotten his own existence. That is all. Only this much forgetfulness and the film becomes everything, then the knot is formed. It is formed and it become stronger. And for many lives, we have been sitting in the cinema called the mind. The knot has continued to become more and more entangled, making the form thicker and thicker.
Soul
Alas, thanks to Samyama I can see it. Also thanks to Surya Kriya.
Osho
The mind is an expansion of dreaming. The one who is entangled in the mind can never attain to his real self, because the only way to become entangled is through forgetting yourself. U cannot know the self and retain the mind at the same time.
If u remember the self, mind disappears. With the awareness of self, with the awakening of the watcher, all images start fading away, becoming only name and form for you. No substance left in them, they lose their hold.
Soul
Exactly.
Osho
The mind is the first knot. If we awaken our awareness to this knot, it will open. To open any knot, is to bring in the watcher, the awareness; witnessing is the device to undo any knot.
Soul
A great explanation for Samyama.
Osho
We want to disentangle the mind, using the mind - that is the mistake!
The mind is an entanglement, hence the mind cannot unknot itself. Doing it is like a dog chasing its own tail.
Soul
A real gem here.
Shoonya was ok but Samyama was good. Was laughing at the end. Good plough back too.
On 5 cycles of Surya kriya, I will do that on my off days.
Two days has passes and I have gone without meat. But just now had some prawn eggs. Looks like that be my focus for next 3 months, change of diet. I m surprised at myself, not much fuss.
Father, I m bit unused to the silence in my mind. Very little chatters. I feel light in my mind. Now I feel just contented.
Suddenly saw Z in Facebook. The mind trying to create drama and I just ignore. I didn't get hooked. I m not going to be entangled.
Osho
Mind has no existence, it only appears to exist, it is only a form. When consciousness is disturbed, mind is created - it is only a form. A dream in the night has no existence but has a form.
U go see a film; a film has no existence in reality but has form on the screen, it only appears to exist. But even an intelligent person cries and laughs at a film, although they know perfectly well that nothing exists on the screen.
But the form creates an illusion - the illusion of existence. And for a moment, when we are overwhelmed by the form and forget the self, then the form becomes very real.
If u can remember, try watching a film and continuously remember yourself - then tears will be impossible. Tears are only possible if you forget yourself as the watcher, when u become so identified that u forget that u have come to see the film - then only the film u r watching exists and u r not.
When the thing u r watching becomes everything and the one who is watching is forgotten then u cry, the mind can become sad, the mind can become happy; everything can happen in the mind, although there is nothing real on the screen.
Soul
No wonder Sadhguru asked us to practice Samyama while watching television.
Osho
Mind is form. But the watcher inside, the knower within, has forgotten his own existence. That is all. Only this much forgetfulness and the film becomes everything, then the knot is formed. It is formed and it become stronger. And for many lives, we have been sitting in the cinema called the mind. The knot has continued to become more and more entangled, making the form thicker and thicker.
Soul
Alas, thanks to Samyama I can see it. Also thanks to Surya Kriya.
Osho
The mind is an expansion of dreaming. The one who is entangled in the mind can never attain to his real self, because the only way to become entangled is through forgetting yourself. U cannot know the self and retain the mind at the same time.
If u remember the self, mind disappears. With the awareness of self, with the awakening of the watcher, all images start fading away, becoming only name and form for you. No substance left in them, they lose their hold.
Soul
Exactly.
Osho
The mind is the first knot. If we awaken our awareness to this knot, it will open. To open any knot, is to bring in the watcher, the awareness; witnessing is the device to undo any knot.
Soul
A great explanation for Samyama.
Osho
We want to disentangle the mind, using the mind - that is the mistake!
The mind is an entanglement, hence the mind cannot unknot itself. Doing it is like a dog chasing its own tail.
Soul
A real gem here.
Food is my ego..without good food...I lose myself
Mar 27 eve 1
Osho
In the past it could never have been conceived that mental disease would become so common. When u educate people, give them capacity to think, culture, civilisation give them so much knowledge, then the mind develops more and the knots become more complex. As the mind grows, it's capacity to project increases.
These capacities can increase to such an extent that u become dissatisfied with ur mind and you begin to look for other help for it.
The lust for life holds that anything is better than death. One is prepared to live under any circumstances. But if a person has too great a drive to survive, then the inner journey becomes impossible. He will be attached to the body, to the mind, to his life-current and the attachment will be so strong that he won't be able to let go. He will hold on to everything so tightly that nothing can slip out of his grasp - for fear that he may become lost.
During meditation, a moment comes when one experience death, to die within. But people with such strong drive is fearful.
Soul
Now I know why I resisted especially on the food. To me, to be without good food is the loss of me. I had to hold on at all costs. I had lust for good food.
That's why my greatest fear of meeting Sadhguru is that he will ask me to be vegetarian. I know it's funny to others but I m totally identified to good food. That's why I cried loads when I had to drink kanji during Samyama course. I cried cos to drink it felt abhorring to me, to drink it means losing myself.
And when I finally met him face to face...no such 'request' and instead he just laugh at me..
Alas, I m now finally loosen my identity to food.
Osho
In the past it could never have been conceived that mental disease would become so common. When u educate people, give them capacity to think, culture, civilisation give them so much knowledge, then the mind develops more and the knots become more complex. As the mind grows, it's capacity to project increases.
These capacities can increase to such an extent that u become dissatisfied with ur mind and you begin to look for other help for it.
The lust for life holds that anything is better than death. One is prepared to live under any circumstances. But if a person has too great a drive to survive, then the inner journey becomes impossible. He will be attached to the body, to the mind, to his life-current and the attachment will be so strong that he won't be able to let go. He will hold on to everything so tightly that nothing can slip out of his grasp - for fear that he may become lost.
During meditation, a moment comes when one experience death, to die within. But people with such strong drive is fearful.
Soul
Now I know why I resisted especially on the food. To me, to be without good food is the loss of me. I had to hold on at all costs. I had lust for good food.
That's why my greatest fear of meeting Sadhguru is that he will ask me to be vegetarian. I know it's funny to others but I m totally identified to good food. That's why I cried loads when I had to drink kanji during Samyama course. I cried cos to drink it felt abhorring to me, to drink it means losing myself.
And when I finally met him face to face...no such 'request' and instead he just laugh at me..
Alas, I m now finally loosen my identity to food.
A new beginning - learning to love myself
Mar 27
Wake up 4,30 am to do my practices. Had a dream but can't remember. Was bit groggy and good that now I shower first.
Asanas were fine. I now find myself able to bend further. Doing surya kriya helps to improve on my hata yoga asana.
Shakti was fine despite a bad flu. Shambavi was good, lovely Suka kriya despite a blocked nose.
I saw some what'sapp msg with funny images and mind try to distract me that it could be Z. I ignored it and then say I still love Z and its goodbye. Tots settled. Now I will focus on new beginning whenever the sadness of ending arose.
I also realised that I now can have loving tots for myself. Previously I can only have loving tot for either A or Z. So, a great improvement. Maybe I have learned my Seven of Hearts lesson. Loving another unconditionally and hence can love myself too.
Today I tot I m glad for my sensitivity. There is no need to suppress it. It is not a weakness, its my strength if I use it properly.
Father, what a change. A new beginning. Father, I want to change my diet and reduce weight to 60k, a 3 kg drop. I have never been this heavy. Last few months of non stop comfort eating has taken its toll on me.
When I spoke to my ex boss J on my cholesterol level. She said just take the pill, what's life without meat. I don't agree with her. If we don't listen to our body's sign to stop, what can we listen to. I already eating RA pills which lower my immunity level. I don't need to add cholesterol pill. I will listen for my own good.
Father, now browsing thru north node in Taurus. One key point stand out is that I need to honour the expressed needs of myself and others. Valuing myself.
Father, from my Mom, I have learned that my needs are not important cos strong people can bear their unfulfilled needs, we must always help the others first. I used to dislike this and tot that's is a suffering policy. But I have taken it up internally. While the outer part of me resisted by displaying a dare devil attitude but inner me is greatly affected.
In reality I m an extremely caring person but I hide it. So, inside I create turmoil for myself. Worst still is that I m sensitive and pick up others energy level.
Thank God for giving me meditation tools.
Father, I must learn to give myself first and then I can give to others. I must first ask for what I want instead of suppressing it. It's true I got many blessing but that does not mean I cannot have more. I also need to change life is fair, win some lose some.
I will emulate Z mode of win win. Need to overcome my negative mode.
I already have this via South node in Scorpio
Self discipline
Choosing constructive change
Releasing whatever causes stagnation and low energy
Eliminating non useful possessions
Enjoying things without having to own them
Accepting support from others
Enjoying high risk situation that makes one feel alive
Awareness of others psychology
Openness to partnering, supporting and merging
Seven of Diamonds
Test our faith in the abundance of universe. By realising and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom
Soul
Yes.
Even receiving Seven, I m happy. I now can express the higher aspect.
Just now on the drive to work, I felt a sense of sweetness, a contentment. I suddenly exploded into giggles and laugh all the way.
Wake up 4,30 am to do my practices. Had a dream but can't remember. Was bit groggy and good that now I shower first.
Asanas were fine. I now find myself able to bend further. Doing surya kriya helps to improve on my hata yoga asana.
Shakti was fine despite a bad flu. Shambavi was good, lovely Suka kriya despite a blocked nose.
I saw some what'sapp msg with funny images and mind try to distract me that it could be Z. I ignored it and then say I still love Z and its goodbye. Tots settled. Now I will focus on new beginning whenever the sadness of ending arose.
I also realised that I now can have loving tots for myself. Previously I can only have loving tot for either A or Z. So, a great improvement. Maybe I have learned my Seven of Hearts lesson. Loving another unconditionally and hence can love myself too.
Today I tot I m glad for my sensitivity. There is no need to suppress it. It is not a weakness, its my strength if I use it properly.
Father, what a change. A new beginning. Father, I want to change my diet and reduce weight to 60k, a 3 kg drop. I have never been this heavy. Last few months of non stop comfort eating has taken its toll on me.
When I spoke to my ex boss J on my cholesterol level. She said just take the pill, what's life without meat. I don't agree with her. If we don't listen to our body's sign to stop, what can we listen to. I already eating RA pills which lower my immunity level. I don't need to add cholesterol pill. I will listen for my own good.
Father, now browsing thru north node in Taurus. One key point stand out is that I need to honour the expressed needs of myself and others. Valuing myself.
Father, from my Mom, I have learned that my needs are not important cos strong people can bear their unfulfilled needs, we must always help the others first. I used to dislike this and tot that's is a suffering policy. But I have taken it up internally. While the outer part of me resisted by displaying a dare devil attitude but inner me is greatly affected.
In reality I m an extremely caring person but I hide it. So, inside I create turmoil for myself. Worst still is that I m sensitive and pick up others energy level.
Thank God for giving me meditation tools.
Father, I must learn to give myself first and then I can give to others. I must first ask for what I want instead of suppressing it. It's true I got many blessing but that does not mean I cannot have more. I also need to change life is fair, win some lose some.
I will emulate Z mode of win win. Need to overcome my negative mode.
I already have this via South node in Scorpio
Self discipline
Choosing constructive change
Releasing whatever causes stagnation and low energy
Eliminating non useful possessions
Enjoying things without having to own them
Accepting support from others
Enjoying high risk situation that makes one feel alive
Awareness of others psychology
Openness to partnering, supporting and merging
Seven of Diamonds
Test our faith in the abundance of universe. By realising and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom
Soul
Yes.
Even receiving Seven, I m happy. I now can express the higher aspect.
Just now on the drive to work, I felt a sense of sweetness, a contentment. I suddenly exploded into giggles and laugh all the way.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
My mind is harmonious...humming songs
Mar 26 eve
There is humming of songs in my mind. This normally happens only during practices. It never happens while I m awake. I felt freed.
It has been a difficult 3 months and alas I m freed.
I m starting to experience Samyama while not in practice.
Sadhguru - Leela (playfulness)
All these there are required to be in Leela
Loving heart
Joyful mind
Vibrant body
Krishna - face extreme situations but he went through life like a dance, joyfully and blissfully. Even when he was to die, he die with a smile.
He always present his best, either emotionally or physically. If u have care and concern of life around you, you always do your best.
He goes thru the maximum drama but untouched. First establish yoga and then act. Action will then be not entangled.
Devotion is deep intelligence. When u are a true devotee, u are overwhelmed with sweet emotion. When u r sweet, everything around you will give its best to you. So, devotion is not vs intelligence. Devotion is deep intelligence.
Playfulness is the key not to entangle with actions. Just Leela through your life. That's all that matters.
Soul
Suddenly tot its ending. Then a tot came, its new beginning. Yea, I can focus on the sadness of ending or celebrate new beginning. I choose the latter. Yes to New Beginnings! To a new found me!
There is humming of songs in my mind. This normally happens only during practices. It never happens while I m awake. I felt freed.
It has been a difficult 3 months and alas I m freed.
I m starting to experience Samyama while not in practice.
Sadhguru - Leela (playfulness)
All these there are required to be in Leela
Loving heart
Joyful mind
Vibrant body
Krishna - face extreme situations but he went through life like a dance, joyfully and blissfully. Even when he was to die, he die with a smile.
He always present his best, either emotionally or physically. If u have care and concern of life around you, you always do your best.
He goes thru the maximum drama but untouched. First establish yoga and then act. Action will then be not entangled.
Devotion is deep intelligence. When u are a true devotee, u are overwhelmed with sweet emotion. When u r sweet, everything around you will give its best to you. So, devotion is not vs intelligence. Devotion is deep intelligence.
Playfulness is the key not to entangle with actions. Just Leela through your life. That's all that matters.
Soul
Suddenly tot its ending. Then a tot came, its new beginning. Yea, I can focus on the sadness of ending or celebrate new beginning. I choose the latter. Yes to New Beginnings! To a new found me!
Being complete myself before I can join other
Mar 26 aft 3
Father, now updating my blog and saw this.
North node in Taurus
To have their dream of soul mate come true, they need first to experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right partner.
Soul
When I read it 2 days ago, I feel hopeful. But now, I feel glad that this is my karma. Without this karma, perhaps I wouldn't have gone on the inner journey.
Today I feel whole inside. I feel my heart brimming. I know I m whole. I can feel tears at the corner, feeling fulfilled. Amen
Father, now updating my blog and saw this.
North node in Taurus
To have their dream of soul mate come true, they need first to experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then will they attract the right partner.
Soul
When I read it 2 days ago, I feel hopeful. But now, I feel glad that this is my karma. Without this karma, perhaps I wouldn't have gone on the inner journey.
Today I feel whole inside. I feel my heart brimming. I know I m whole. I can feel tears at the corner, feeling fulfilled. Amen
Accepting both sides (good and bad) is the key to coming home
Mar 26 aft 2
Father, everything is coming together.
Every issues stem from the mind.
My current Osho book is talking about the mind. I receive The Mind card in the Osho rship cards which I resisted. The next day, my weekly card gives me:
1. The Issue
The Master
Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and it is not an idea. The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is mind and disidentify from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now u can do and act only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills u, gives you contentment, make your life a work of art.
Once your awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of your own destiny.
Soul
Alas, I got it.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Inner Voice
If u have found your truth within yourself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you.
Then u live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself.
If the Inner Voice had a face, it would look alert, watchful and able to accept both the dark and light, symbolised by the two hands holding the crystal. The crystal itself represent the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.
Soul
Finally I can relate to this. I burst out into laughter when I realised I can do both, loving Z and leaving Z.
3. External influence of which u are aware
The outsider
Be a woman, stand on your own feet. The only way to connect to existence is to go inwards, because there at the centre, u r still connected. U have been disconnected from ur mother. That disconnection was necessary to make u an individual in ur own right. But u r not disconnected from the universe. Your connection from the universe is consciousness. U cannot see it, so u have to go deep down with great awareness, watchful, witnessing, and u will find the connection. The Buddha is the connector.
Soul
I used to see this as my curse. I was separated from my Mom when I was 2 years old and then had a brother (nine of hearts) who acted like my parents, always criticising me. Giving me the Do's and Don't as our parents doesn't like to 'parent' us as they believe in free will.
I grow up with neighbours and friends families and that's why I learned the need for validation from others. My existence depends on others. Making others happy. When they are happy, they give me good food.
But today, for the first time I see this as my birthright. It was meant to happen. To throw me into the darkness so that I undertake the inner journey to find the Light within me. For the first time I accepted my fate. I accepted myself. Tears suddenly came. I feel a sense of love for myself. I feel proud of myself for taking this journey. I finally love myself. I love both my weakness and strength, my darkness and light. My suffering is the thing that prod me into my journey. The continuous break up with Z had open me up for the past few months. I have come home. I finally come home. Amen.
Father, everything is coming together.
Every issues stem from the mind.
My current Osho book is talking about the mind. I receive The Mind card in the Osho rship cards which I resisted. The next day, my weekly card gives me:
1. The Issue
The Master
Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and it is not an idea. The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is mind and disidentify from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now u can do and act only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills u, gives you contentment, make your life a work of art.
Once your awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of your own destiny.
Soul
Alas, I got it.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Inner Voice
If u have found your truth within yourself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you.
Then u live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself.
If the Inner Voice had a face, it would look alert, watchful and able to accept both the dark and light, symbolised by the two hands holding the crystal. The crystal itself represent the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.
Soul
Finally I can relate to this. I burst out into laughter when I realised I can do both, loving Z and leaving Z.
3. External influence of which u are aware
The outsider
Be a woman, stand on your own feet. The only way to connect to existence is to go inwards, because there at the centre, u r still connected. U have been disconnected from ur mother. That disconnection was necessary to make u an individual in ur own right. But u r not disconnected from the universe. Your connection from the universe is consciousness. U cannot see it, so u have to go deep down with great awareness, watchful, witnessing, and u will find the connection. The Buddha is the connector.
Soul
I used to see this as my curse. I was separated from my Mom when I was 2 years old and then had a brother (nine of hearts) who acted like my parents, always criticising me. Giving me the Do's and Don't as our parents doesn't like to 'parent' us as they believe in free will.
I grow up with neighbours and friends families and that's why I learned the need for validation from others. My existence depends on others. Making others happy. When they are happy, they give me good food.
But today, for the first time I see this as my birthright. It was meant to happen. To throw me into the darkness so that I undertake the inner journey to find the Light within me. For the first time I accepted my fate. I accepted myself. Tears suddenly came. I feel a sense of love for myself. I feel proud of myself for taking this journey. I finally love myself. I love both my weakness and strength, my darkness and light. My suffering is the thing that prod me into my journey. The continuous break up with Z had open me up for the past few months. I have come home. I finally come home. Amen.
Relaxation - stay in the middle
Mar 26 aft 2
Father, my mind was swinging. Firstly asking me to go back to loving and holding Z. Then when I said nope, it swing to the other end of cutting out Z. Both also I am not keen. There is no need to cut Z as I love him and I m grateful for his presence in my life.
I wanted a break and went in to click on Osho transformation card. Then I pause as I already know what I want and decision is made. Yea, I m letting go and yea I still love him. There is no choices to be made here. I love him and that's a fact. He doesn't want me in his life and that's a fact too. So, the choice is not to choose. I love him and I leave him.
But why my mind still hanker over the issue, pulling me left and right.
Whats is happening? Suddenly I clicked on today meditation card. Never tried this before. I got this card
Saraha and the arrow smith woman
Mind is so cunning that it can hide in the garments of its very opposite. From indulgence it can become asceticism, from being a materialist it can become a spiritualist, from being worldly it can become otherworldly.
But mind is mind - whether u r for the world or against the world u remain caged in the mind.
For and against, both are parts of the mind. When mind disappears, mind disappear in choiceless awareness.
When u stop choosing, when u r neither for nor against - that is stopping in the middle. If u don't choose, u r exactly in the middle. That is relaxation, that is rest.
U become choiceless, unobsessed and in that state of unobsessed, choiceless consciousness, intelligence arises which has been lying deep, dormant in your being. U become a light unto yourself.
Father, I suddenly burst out in joy. I love you. Thank you. I love him and I let him go. Neither listening to my inner Child nor my inner Parent, just be in the middle.
Ace of Spades
Traditional card for death, change and transformation. With this mystical in your spread, you will go through some sort of death and rebirth.
Soul
Yeap, right on the dot. Amen.
Father, my mind was swinging. Firstly asking me to go back to loving and holding Z. Then when I said nope, it swing to the other end of cutting out Z. Both also I am not keen. There is no need to cut Z as I love him and I m grateful for his presence in my life.
I wanted a break and went in to click on Osho transformation card. Then I pause as I already know what I want and decision is made. Yea, I m letting go and yea I still love him. There is no choices to be made here. I love him and that's a fact. He doesn't want me in his life and that's a fact too. So, the choice is not to choose. I love him and I leave him.
But why my mind still hanker over the issue, pulling me left and right.
Whats is happening? Suddenly I clicked on today meditation card. Never tried this before. I got this card
Saraha and the arrow smith woman
Mind is so cunning that it can hide in the garments of its very opposite. From indulgence it can become asceticism, from being a materialist it can become a spiritualist, from being worldly it can become otherworldly.
But mind is mind - whether u r for the world or against the world u remain caged in the mind.
For and against, both are parts of the mind. When mind disappears, mind disappear in choiceless awareness.
When u stop choosing, when u r neither for nor against - that is stopping in the middle. If u don't choose, u r exactly in the middle. That is relaxation, that is rest.
U become choiceless, unobsessed and in that state of unobsessed, choiceless consciousness, intelligence arises which has been lying deep, dormant in your being. U become a light unto yourself.
Father, I suddenly burst out in joy. I love you. Thank you. I love him and I let him go. Neither listening to my inner Child nor my inner Parent, just be in the middle.
Ace of Spades
Traditional card for death, change and transformation. With this mystical in your spread, you will go through some sort of death and rebirth.
Soul
Yeap, right on the dot. Amen.
Time to listen to my body...change of diet
Mar 26 aft
Body calling out for me to change diet.
Alas the calling for change in food intake has come. A week of non stop eating has caused my cholesterol level to go up to 6.2, the highest ever. Doctor wants to put me on medicine and I said nope. The calling has finally come. The rest of my readings are fine except ESR at 79, which is slightly higher than five month ago at 75.
My sis in law recommended oat bran. I dislike cereal drink. Alas, the sign has come for me to change my diet
Soul
Yea. Need to change food. Already have 2 dinner lined up. But can do fish.
Also, of late, I m not so keen on meat but I force myself to eat cos fear of losing myself. Anyway, my body now giving the call.
No wonder Five of Diamonds in Uranus
Unexpected change in values.
This call to change diet coincides with my desire to reduce my weight. It has grown too much.
The last couple of month I have been on food binge cos not getting love. Anyway, I m now awake. Just now the mind says love Z unconditionally, so don't leave him. I replied I still love him and loving him means giving him what he wants, which is to leave him be.
Body calling out for me to change diet.
Alas the calling for change in food intake has come. A week of non stop eating has caused my cholesterol level to go up to 6.2, the highest ever. Doctor wants to put me on medicine and I said nope. The calling has finally come. The rest of my readings are fine except ESR at 79, which is slightly higher than five month ago at 75.
My sis in law recommended oat bran. I dislike cereal drink. Alas, the sign has come for me to change my diet
Soul
Yea. Need to change food. Already have 2 dinner lined up. But can do fish.
Also, of late, I m not so keen on meat but I force myself to eat cos fear of losing myself. Anyway, my body now giving the call.
No wonder Five of Diamonds in Uranus
Unexpected change in values.
This call to change diet coincides with my desire to reduce my weight. It has grown too much.
The last couple of month I have been on food binge cos not getting love. Anyway, I m now awake. Just now the mind says love Z unconditionally, so don't leave him. I replied I still love him and loving him means giving him what he wants, which is to leave him be.
My tots is mainly on loss of validation
Mar 26
Father, surya kriya was good. My plough back also become better after surya kriya. Plan to do 5 cycles on my off days.
Shakti and Shambavi were good too. After the practices, my nose blog clears bit. I m having a mild flu.
A tot of Z's birthday and I should wish him. This time I said nope. I love him and wish him well in my heart. By sending him a birthday greeting may force him to response and that prolong the ending. It has already ended but I didn't leave the scene. He never love me even during the hey days. I still love him but I need not tie myself to him. I want a loving and committed relationship.
Alas, I m ready to do kapalvriksha. I finally knew what I wanted. I m ready.
Yesterday M asked me about my common tots during meditation. She said hers was the various tasks to complete. For me, it was mostly on Z or how I may have lost some people's approvals. I told her that my issue was The Outsider Card.
She shared that she now begins to wonder whether photography is her thing. I told her that it must be humbling for her to admit it. Such an awakening for her.
Father, me 'going down' and admitting my vulnerability also helps others to open up too. M happy for M.
On Company, yea, my role is not on driving revenue but its on driving profits as I controlled the costs. Revenue is down quite a lot. Anyway, MD has to answer.
Father, surya kriya was good. My plough back also become better after surya kriya. Plan to do 5 cycles on my off days.
Shakti and Shambavi were good too. After the practices, my nose blog clears bit. I m having a mild flu.
A tot of Z's birthday and I should wish him. This time I said nope. I love him and wish him well in my heart. By sending him a birthday greeting may force him to response and that prolong the ending. It has already ended but I didn't leave the scene. He never love me even during the hey days. I still love him but I need not tie myself to him. I want a loving and committed relationship.
Alas, I m ready to do kapalvriksha. I finally knew what I wanted. I m ready.
Yesterday M asked me about my common tots during meditation. She said hers was the various tasks to complete. For me, it was mostly on Z or how I may have lost some people's approvals. I told her that my issue was The Outsider Card.
She shared that she now begins to wonder whether photography is her thing. I told her that it must be humbling for her to admit it. Such an awakening for her.
Father, me 'going down' and admitting my vulnerability also helps others to open up too. M happy for M.
On Company, yea, my role is not on driving revenue but its on driving profits as I controlled the costs. Revenue is down quite a lot. Anyway, MD has to answer.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Feel light once I got the answer
Mar 25 eve
Father, I felt a weight lifted from me.
I need not carry this unrequited love anymore. I was acting from my south node in Scorpio
I need not continue to seek validation from someone that cannot give.
I m worthy. I m a result. He can't have me, not that I can have him.
Father, I felt a weight lifted from me.
I need not carry this unrequited love anymore. I was acting from my south node in Scorpio
I need not continue to seek validation from someone that cannot give.
I m worthy. I m a result. He can't have me, not that I can have him.
South Node in Scorpio - the answer is to not to hang on to Z
Mar 25 aft 1
Father, Z think he is special. And here others tot I m special but I don't feel it. I know many people are envious of my spiritual receptivity, my 3 days week and my financial strength.
As I was updating my blog, I read the part of me seeking validation from others. I first enter into my inner journey, because of control. I knew it was my subconscious leading my life and I wanted to live consciously. The other thing is I don't want to be so affected by others. I don't want to be so sensitive.
Now I realised my sensory is not the main issue. The real issue is I places my worth upon others validation. At first it was on my career, whenever I felt a plateau, I changed job cos I felt my worth has dropped since there is no crisis to resolve. I have left the mode. Work no longer validates me and hence I am able to decide on what I truly want.
I knew I sought validation from friends and now no longer as affected as before. I only volunteer when I want to.
Now, my partner. That's the last one. Z was the first real partner I have. Now that I read his North node in Aquarius, I can say he is not into me. It is humbling but I can see it now. In his heart, he has doesn't love me, not even remotely. It is sad. And here I sought validation from him when it is not even on mutual basis. A losing battle.
Suddenly tot of reading my South node in Scorpio. My unconscious expression when I m fearful. Normally I am able to let go of things, hence my second karma card of Nine of Diamonds.
Below is the theme song that has the same "completion" msg
What's the point in hanging on?
Your dream is true, but not on the form
What brings you joy in life today
May come true a different way
Reach your arms up to the sky
Greet the new that's in your life today
Life sent it just to u
Cause you are ready for something new
But you got to let go of what's already gone.
You've got to let go, it's time to move on.
Soul
That's the msg for me. I have just deleted the what'sapp msg on Z. That's the first step. Reading his north node confirms that he was never into me. He has so much passion and will power and he use it, but never with me. At the moment it is used to push me away. Let me go with the tide.
True I have found my soul mate attributes in Z but he has not aspired to his North Node in Aquarius at all. We were sent to each other but he dropped out from his spiritual practices and so cannot meet his Five of Clubs challenge and hence he can't have me, Queen of Diamonds. It is his loss, not mine
And i have nearly achieved all my North Node in Taurus. So, I m ready to meet the transformed North Node Aquarius person. Amen.
Osho card in Relationship - Completion
Even in the ever-changing flow of life there are moments in which we come to a point of
completion. In these moments we are able to perceive the whole picture, the composite of all the small pieces that have occupied our attention for so long.
In the finishing, we can either be in despair because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings. Whatever has been absorbing your time and energy is now coming to an end.
In completing it, you will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both - the end of the old and the coming of the new.
Father, Z think he is special. And here others tot I m special but I don't feel it. I know many people are envious of my spiritual receptivity, my 3 days week and my financial strength.
As I was updating my blog, I read the part of me seeking validation from others. I first enter into my inner journey, because of control. I knew it was my subconscious leading my life and I wanted to live consciously. The other thing is I don't want to be so affected by others. I don't want to be so sensitive.
Now I realised my sensory is not the main issue. The real issue is I places my worth upon others validation. At first it was on my career, whenever I felt a plateau, I changed job cos I felt my worth has dropped since there is no crisis to resolve. I have left the mode. Work no longer validates me and hence I am able to decide on what I truly want.
I knew I sought validation from friends and now no longer as affected as before. I only volunteer when I want to.
Now, my partner. That's the last one. Z was the first real partner I have. Now that I read his North node in Aquarius, I can say he is not into me. It is humbling but I can see it now. In his heart, he has doesn't love me, not even remotely. It is sad. And here I sought validation from him when it is not even on mutual basis. A losing battle.
Suddenly tot of reading my South node in Scorpio. My unconscious expression when I m fearful. Normally I am able to let go of things, hence my second karma card of Nine of Diamonds.
Below is the theme song that has the same "completion" msg
What's the point in hanging on?
Your dream is true, but not on the form
What brings you joy in life today
May come true a different way
Reach your arms up to the sky
Greet the new that's in your life today
Life sent it just to u
Cause you are ready for something new
But you got to let go of what's already gone.
You've got to let go, it's time to move on.
Soul
That's the msg for me. I have just deleted the what'sapp msg on Z. That's the first step. Reading his north node confirms that he was never into me. He has so much passion and will power and he use it, but never with me. At the moment it is used to push me away. Let me go with the tide.
True I have found my soul mate attributes in Z but he has not aspired to his North Node in Aquarius at all. We were sent to each other but he dropped out from his spiritual practices and so cannot meet his Five of Clubs challenge and hence he can't have me, Queen of Diamonds. It is his loss, not mine
And i have nearly achieved all my North Node in Taurus. So, I m ready to meet the transformed North Node Aquarius person. Amen.
Osho card in Relationship - Completion
Even in the ever-changing flow of life there are moments in which we come to a point of
completion. In these moments we are able to perceive the whole picture, the composite of all the small pieces that have occupied our attention for so long.
In the finishing, we can either be in despair because we don't want the situation to come to an end, or we can be grateful and accepting of the fact that life is full of endings and new beginnings. Whatever has been absorbing your time and energy is now coming to an end.
In completing it, you will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both - the end of the old and the coming of the new.
North Node in Taurus - turning within...I am on the right track
Mar 25 aft
The accumulation of debt does not work for North node in Taurus. They are master builder when they use common sense and don't take leap of faith.
Soul
I m glad. I have always been fearful of financial commitment. Now just left with car for next 2 years. I m thinking I can invest up to 2k for another property. I will still work for another 10 years, and be good to have another rental income. I want to have a monthly 2k passive income from rental.
Taurus north node
They can't stand feeling restricted financially.
Soul
Very true. My saving has dwindled to single digit and I got scared eventhough I have fixed deposits. I know the fear is not real and so I place a copy of fixed deposit slip in my bag to remind myself I m financially secure.
The Ace of Diamonds displacement card was right. Little did I knew that I had unpaid prior year's income tax to settle. It was supposed to be settled before end of last year.
Taurus North node theme song
Seek Ye First
They are supposed to turn within themselves to connect with the wealth of reassurance and peace in their own nature. Thus the bonding they need for security and a sense of self worth can happen within themselves.
My guy got sick, needed attention
So I put on my nurse's hat
My heart fell when he called it "distraction"
That's not where I was at
And I remembered:
Seek Ye first, the kingdom of heaven
And I turned within -
And before too long, my heart felt strong
The outside got in order again!
So seek Ye first
Because inside of you's the kingdom of heaven.
Soul
On the right track. Amen.
Father, I m worthy.
There are only 2 things I haven't fulfilled. First is my creation with money. Second my need for partner.
Father, I just glanced Z's north node in Aquarius. He had determination and creative power, something that I aspire. That's why I met him.
The accumulation of debt does not work for North node in Taurus. They are master builder when they use common sense and don't take leap of faith.
Soul
I m glad. I have always been fearful of financial commitment. Now just left with car for next 2 years. I m thinking I can invest up to 2k for another property. I will still work for another 10 years, and be good to have another rental income. I want to have a monthly 2k passive income from rental.
Taurus north node
They can't stand feeling restricted financially.
Soul
Very true. My saving has dwindled to single digit and I got scared eventhough I have fixed deposits. I know the fear is not real and so I place a copy of fixed deposit slip in my bag to remind myself I m financially secure.
The Ace of Diamonds displacement card was right. Little did I knew that I had unpaid prior year's income tax to settle. It was supposed to be settled before end of last year.
Taurus North node theme song
Seek Ye First
They are supposed to turn within themselves to connect with the wealth of reassurance and peace in their own nature. Thus the bonding they need for security and a sense of self worth can happen within themselves.
My guy got sick, needed attention
So I put on my nurse's hat
My heart fell when he called it "distraction"
That's not where I was at
And I remembered:
Seek Ye first, the kingdom of heaven
And I turned within -
And before too long, my heart felt strong
The outside got in order again!
So seek Ye first
Because inside of you's the kingdom of heaven.
Soul
On the right track. Amen.
Father, I m worthy.
There are only 2 things I haven't fulfilled. First is my creation with money. Second my need for partner.
Father, I just glanced Z's north node in Aquarius. He had determination and creative power, something that I aspire. That's why I met him.
Can I do without Z?..Am I still worthy??
Mar 25
Father, Surya kriya was good. Shakti and Shambavi were fine too. Finished my practices slightly earlier at 6.52 am. I took a slight doze and wake up 7.10 am.
When I woke up, one question in my mind. "I don't have Z. Does this means I m not worthy?"
I have built a strong foundation for my career. I have a good salary. I negotiated for a 3 days job. I can do my hobby of writing for the other 2 days and I still have my weekend off. I have my yoga and practices. Yea, I have put on weight but it is ok. My RA is fine too. I do volunteering work at Isha. I found my inner joy, my inner bliss.
I am on track in having my inner practices.
Why do I still seek validation on having a partner? Aren't I enough?
Yea, reading my North node in Taurus makes me realised that my dream is to have a soul mate and yes, Z is my soul mate. I used to wonder the attraction but now I have checked our natal chart, I knew why. He is my mirror.
Father, I tot I love him because I have overcome my fear, have expanded and can now love unconditionally. But now I can see it is also my validation issue. If my love is unconditional for him, then my love for myself be unconditional too.
Then without Z, I won't feel a sense of loss. He was not in me. He wasn't part of my career foundation. But he is my mirror. Because of his arrogance and absence, I found myself. But I need not behold to him. He didn't help me to grow. He was just a tool. I helped myself to grow cos I was not willing to suffer.
Father, I need you. Let me find out why I sought validation from a partner, especially one that has consistently told me nope. This is another door I got to open.
Father, Surya kriya was good. Shakti and Shambavi were fine too. Finished my practices slightly earlier at 6.52 am. I took a slight doze and wake up 7.10 am.
When I woke up, one question in my mind. "I don't have Z. Does this means I m not worthy?"
I have built a strong foundation for my career. I have a good salary. I negotiated for a 3 days job. I can do my hobby of writing for the other 2 days and I still have my weekend off. I have my yoga and practices. Yea, I have put on weight but it is ok. My RA is fine too. I do volunteering work at Isha. I found my inner joy, my inner bliss.
I am on track in having my inner practices.
Why do I still seek validation on having a partner? Aren't I enough?
Yea, reading my North node in Taurus makes me realised that my dream is to have a soul mate and yes, Z is my soul mate. I used to wonder the attraction but now I have checked our natal chart, I knew why. He is my mirror.
Father, I tot I love him because I have overcome my fear, have expanded and can now love unconditionally. But now I can see it is also my validation issue. If my love is unconditional for him, then my love for myself be unconditional too.
Then without Z, I won't feel a sense of loss. He was not in me. He wasn't part of my career foundation. But he is my mirror. Because of his arrogance and absence, I found myself. But I need not behold to him. He didn't help me to grow. He was just a tool. I helped myself to grow cos I was not willing to suffer.
Father, I need you. Let me find out why I sought validation from a partner, especially one that has consistently told me nope. This is another door I got to open.
Feeling disturbed..asking Sadhguru for guidance
Mar 24 eve 1
Father, I am disturbed. I m counting the days. I know it is inevitable but still I hope. I can't help it. Help me to overcome this.
Sadhguru
Life is just dancing. Whether its your liking or not. Your way or not. Doesn't matter.
Main thing is that u r alive.
The reason why u r not attune to the dance of life, is because u think u r super smart.
Soul
Father, there is no regrets. I have found myself. Need not have mental drama on how to switch him off by 31 march. I let the dance evaporate by itself.
Sadhguru
A lot of people well being is affected mostly by emotional status. In the path of devotion must be willing to make a fool of yourself. U don't mind being vulnerable, only then it happens. With love, u willingly step into it. Whatever happens is fine with him. If it the last day, squeeze the most out of it. Don't let it pass. Bring playfulness in your life. If not, u r too much in ur mind. If u r playful, u r not entangled, u r doing yoga, no longer karma.
Just checked our rship cards. We r both good.
1. Me - completion
2. Him - possibilities
3. Composite - New vision
4. Insight - Mind
Yea, things are coming together, completing in a good base. It is just my mind.
I also checked our 7thunder cards, he has King of Spades in Venus. He just posted a pix of someone taking his pix. All his previous pix was taken by himself. Alas, he found someone to take his pix.
Me, a Queen of Spades in Neptune. Me, changing my inner. Will stop focusing on my mind, just know I m fine within. And I m building a good foundation for a new rship in the near future. No regrets, I found myself alas.
Father, I am disturbed. I m counting the days. I know it is inevitable but still I hope. I can't help it. Help me to overcome this.
Sadhguru
Life is just dancing. Whether its your liking or not. Your way or not. Doesn't matter.
Main thing is that u r alive.
The reason why u r not attune to the dance of life, is because u think u r super smart.
Soul
Father, there is no regrets. I have found myself. Need not have mental drama on how to switch him off by 31 march. I let the dance evaporate by itself.
Sadhguru
A lot of people well being is affected mostly by emotional status. In the path of devotion must be willing to make a fool of yourself. U don't mind being vulnerable, only then it happens. With love, u willingly step into it. Whatever happens is fine with him. If it the last day, squeeze the most out of it. Don't let it pass. Bring playfulness in your life. If not, u r too much in ur mind. If u r playful, u r not entangled, u r doing yoga, no longer karma.
Just checked our rship cards. We r both good.
1. Me - completion
2. Him - possibilities
3. Composite - New vision
4. Insight - Mind
Yea, things are coming together, completing in a good base. It is just my mind.
I also checked our 7thunder cards, he has King of Spades in Venus. He just posted a pix of someone taking his pix. All his previous pix was taken by himself. Alas, he found someone to take his pix.
Me, a Queen of Spades in Neptune. Me, changing my inner. Will stop focusing on my mind, just know I m fine within. And I m building a good foundation for a new rship in the near future. No regrets, I found myself alas.
To let others live their way....so I can live mine too
Mar 24 eve
North node in Taurus
They tend to withhold what the other person needs. This will make the other person feel deprived, so he will retaliates by giving less to Taurus north node or giving with resentment. This seriously undermines the very bond they want to build.
The key is discrimination. Does the other expressed needs violate Taurus NN's sense of self worth? If not, it behooves him to give the other person what she needs. Just as it is inappropriate for him to live by somebody else's values, it is inappropriate for him to expect others to live by his values. Other people are simply being themselves.
Soul
I m definitely learning. I used to do that. But the last two years, I realised my life is more peaceful if I let others do what they want as long as it doesn't affect me.
North node in Taurus
Exposure
A negative emotion floats by and they grab it, hold on to it and try to hide it. It takes tremendous energy to hide these feelings from others and the fear that someone will find out how they feel generates a lot of anxiety. They should practice revealing their emotions layer by layer. Through this process, their negative inner feelings are permanently discharged and they begin to experience less anxiety in all their interactions.
Soul
Yes, that's my auto control mode. Only after my practices, I have been able to express my negative emotion. Once I do that, the positive emotion becomes more too.
North node in Taurus
Self reliance
They are not allowed to rely on others for success because they need to rely on themselves. Thus when they count on others to create what they want and it doesn't turn out according to their high expectations, it's one more reminder that they are not allowed to rely on others for their sense of self worth.
Soul
True. Especially on my website. I tried to delegate but either it renounced or the results are not good enough.
North node in Taurus
Establishing self worth - most important goal
Their own sense of self worth is the one thing they can hang on to amid the constant shifting of public opinions. When they let others determine their worth, they are on roller coaster.
The most important goal for them is to pledge themselves to their own values and build sense of self worth. They are learning they can't establish self-worth by going along with others' values to gain validation nor can they attain self-worth through resisting others' values. Either way, they lose.
They win when they discover what is truly important and precious to them: their own values. Self-worth will come as a by-product of living according to those values.
Soul
Such irony. I tot I knew what I want. But I know it can be shifting. Hence my Three of Diamonds.
North node in Taurus
The idea is to consciously discover what is important to them; what values give them a sense of being grounded, confidant and able to face the world without anxiety. They need to ask themselves: "
1. What principles can I live by that will make me feel good about myself, give me a sense of my own self worth, and give me a solid path to follow?
2. Would taking this action makes me feel good about myself regardless of the consequence in the outer world?
3. Does taking this action make me feel comfortable or anxious?
4. Is this path leading to inner peace or will it create more crisis?
5. Is my motive self validation or to gain the validation of others?
Those pathways that validates the principles they think are inherently valuable and that give them a sense of self esteem help them win.
North node in Taurus
They tend to withhold what the other person needs. This will make the other person feel deprived, so he will retaliates by giving less to Taurus north node or giving with resentment. This seriously undermines the very bond they want to build.
The key is discrimination. Does the other expressed needs violate Taurus NN's sense of self worth? If not, it behooves him to give the other person what she needs. Just as it is inappropriate for him to live by somebody else's values, it is inappropriate for him to expect others to live by his values. Other people are simply being themselves.
Soul
I m definitely learning. I used to do that. But the last two years, I realised my life is more peaceful if I let others do what they want as long as it doesn't affect me.
North node in Taurus
Exposure
A negative emotion floats by and they grab it, hold on to it and try to hide it. It takes tremendous energy to hide these feelings from others and the fear that someone will find out how they feel generates a lot of anxiety. They should practice revealing their emotions layer by layer. Through this process, their negative inner feelings are permanently discharged and they begin to experience less anxiety in all their interactions.
Soul
Yes, that's my auto control mode. Only after my practices, I have been able to express my negative emotion. Once I do that, the positive emotion becomes more too.
North node in Taurus
Self reliance
They are not allowed to rely on others for success because they need to rely on themselves. Thus when they count on others to create what they want and it doesn't turn out according to their high expectations, it's one more reminder that they are not allowed to rely on others for their sense of self worth.
Soul
True. Especially on my website. I tried to delegate but either it renounced or the results are not good enough.
North node in Taurus
Establishing self worth - most important goal
Their own sense of self worth is the one thing they can hang on to amid the constant shifting of public opinions. When they let others determine their worth, they are on roller coaster.
The most important goal for them is to pledge themselves to their own values and build sense of self worth. They are learning they can't establish self-worth by going along with others' values to gain validation nor can they attain self-worth through resisting others' values. Either way, they lose.
They win when they discover what is truly important and precious to them: their own values. Self-worth will come as a by-product of living according to those values.
Soul
Such irony. I tot I knew what I want. But I know it can be shifting. Hence my Three of Diamonds.
North node in Taurus
The idea is to consciously discover what is important to them; what values give them a sense of being grounded, confidant and able to face the world without anxiety. They need to ask themselves: "
1. What principles can I live by that will make me feel good about myself, give me a sense of my own self worth, and give me a solid path to follow?
2. Would taking this action makes me feel good about myself regardless of the consequence in the outer world?
3. Does taking this action make me feel comfortable or anxious?
4. Is this path leading to inner peace or will it create more crisis?
5. Is my motive self validation or to gain the validation of others?
Those pathways that validates the principles they think are inherently valuable and that give them a sense of self esteem help them win.
My lesson..to be independently fulfilling myself
Mar 24 aft
North node in Taurus
In past lives, they became dependent on soul mate rship to provide that nurturing energy in order to feel renewed and satisfied.
In this lifetime, whenever they depend on others to fill this needs, they feel let down. It's set up this way, because their lesson is to become independent in meeting their own needs.
Soul
No wonder, I m still single. Such irony, on the surface I seem to achieve that but not inside.
North node in Taurus
They must spend time doing things they consider to be important, as this will build the resources they need to experience life and relationships from a foundation of self sufficiency.
Soul
I m on the right track. On 3 days week. The off day spent on writing and updating blog. Just spending time alone on my own and feel contented. Others may scoff at me for letting go of money.
Who knows, because I don't have inner boundary, that's why I need much more external boundary to suffice me.
Maybe once I m ready with my own foundation, I can then have a good rship, one that is mutually respectful.
With Z, it was one sided, with me giving all as he can't give. We also have issue in money approach that we didn't thrash out. But I was wiling to risk my financial security cos I needed him and I can see financial is not emotional security. We also have issue in children which he wants and I don't cos it will take away my personal pampering time but I was willing to give in. Luckily I m too old to have children. We also have issue in him wanting a maternal wife like his mother. Father, perhaps it is too much for me since my North node in Taurus is aimed for comforts.
North node in Taurus
They are born looking for their soul mates. They can be promiscuous in thirst youth. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their own values - then they will attract the right mate.
Soul
Yes, I was capable and was heading towards promiscuity if not for the childhood experience that blocked the sensual part of me.
North node in Taurus
From past lives, these folks are accustomed to giving everything and having the other person reciprocate. But in this incarnation, much to their surprise, it's not in their charts for others to take care of them in the same co-dependent way. This is the universe's way of helping them break abusive co-dependency and learned to be more self-contained.
Soul
I have given in to Z since day one, hoping he will turn around. I overcome my fear for need of financial security in my partner. I was prepared to have children eventhough I don't really want to. I was prepared to give away some yoga practices time. And in the end, I given even my inner thoughts, my blog; but still he didn't turn around.
While I read his natal chart on lunar in Leo, about him cannot accept love. But I now see the other side, it's about me stop giving in everything to others.
North node in Taurus
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream come true, they need first to experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then they will attract the right partner.
They can feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for comfort of consistent, dependable companionship and in this lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright. But as with everything else in this incarnation, they must earn it. As they work to experience their wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can then merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction, and together they can flow to the sea.
Soul
I feel complete during meditation. I can experience joyful releases irrespective of my external circumstances. I now know I can experience blissful physical release on my own. I have my own financial security and now learning to create my own site for sharing my experiences. I have the luck and financial prosperity of able to work in a 3 days week work.
I m actually coming together. For the first time, I m becoming whole even though Z is not with me. There is hope for me. Amen.
North node in Taurus
In past lives, they became dependent on soul mate rship to provide that nurturing energy in order to feel renewed and satisfied.
In this lifetime, whenever they depend on others to fill this needs, they feel let down. It's set up this way, because their lesson is to become independent in meeting their own needs.
Soul
No wonder, I m still single. Such irony, on the surface I seem to achieve that but not inside.
North node in Taurus
They must spend time doing things they consider to be important, as this will build the resources they need to experience life and relationships from a foundation of self sufficiency.
Soul
I m on the right track. On 3 days week. The off day spent on writing and updating blog. Just spending time alone on my own and feel contented. Others may scoff at me for letting go of money.
Who knows, because I don't have inner boundary, that's why I need much more external boundary to suffice me.
Maybe once I m ready with my own foundation, I can then have a good rship, one that is mutually respectful.
With Z, it was one sided, with me giving all as he can't give. We also have issue in money approach that we didn't thrash out. But I was wiling to risk my financial security cos I needed him and I can see financial is not emotional security. We also have issue in children which he wants and I don't cos it will take away my personal pampering time but I was willing to give in. Luckily I m too old to have children. We also have issue in him wanting a maternal wife like his mother. Father, perhaps it is too much for me since my North node in Taurus is aimed for comforts.
North node in Taurus
They are born looking for their soul mates. They can be promiscuous in thirst youth. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their own values - then they will attract the right mate.
Soul
Yes, I was capable and was heading towards promiscuity if not for the childhood experience that blocked the sensual part of me.
North node in Taurus
From past lives, these folks are accustomed to giving everything and having the other person reciprocate. But in this incarnation, much to their surprise, it's not in their charts for others to take care of them in the same co-dependent way. This is the universe's way of helping them break abusive co-dependency and learned to be more self-contained.
Soul
I have given in to Z since day one, hoping he will turn around. I overcome my fear for need of financial security in my partner. I was prepared to have children eventhough I don't really want to. I was prepared to give away some yoga practices time. And in the end, I given even my inner thoughts, my blog; but still he didn't turn around.
While I read his natal chart on lunar in Leo, about him cannot accept love. But I now see the other side, it's about me stop giving in everything to others.
North node in Taurus
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream come true, they need first to experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then they will attract the right partner.
They can feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for comfort of consistent, dependable companionship and in this lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright. But as with everything else in this incarnation, they must earn it. As they work to experience their wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can then merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction, and together they can flow to the sea.
Soul
I feel complete during meditation. I can experience joyful releases irrespective of my external circumstances. I now know I can experience blissful physical release on my own. I have my own financial security and now learning to create my own site for sharing my experiences. I have the luck and financial prosperity of able to work in a 3 days week work.
I m actually coming together. For the first time, I m becoming whole even though Z is not with me. There is hope for me. Amen.
Can I do without Z's validation of me?
Mar 24
Father, as I was reading my North node in Taurus, I just had a tot. No wonder I hold on to Z.
On the outside, I don't need a partner but inside me, I do. Acknowledging I need one is the first step.
It was said that having a partner validates me. Another one week to go till end March and it is inevitable that Z won't be coming back. So, what is my worth without Z? Can I do being a single? Can I face the fact that I truly want a partner? Then if Z is not there, how? Is my hope gone? A tot came in, a few months later you will be with a new love. But I m not sure I am ready.
North node in Taurus
They are here to take back their power. When they stand in power, they can afford to be loving and helpful to others - not from a place of neediness but from a sense of contentment that enables them to be generous. Thus, their first responsibility is to themselves. To do things that bring recognition of their self worth and the contentment of enjoying life. This is a building lifetime: building a sense of comfort through their connection with themselves.
Soul
On first instance, I focus on myself. But behind the scene, I am not. And now I truly need to focus on myself.
Maybe that's why I m bit judgemental on others who don't focus on themselves cos deep down I don't.
Astrology for the soul
North node in Taurus
In past lives, their method of protecting themselves was revenge. If someone hurled a stone at them, they hurled a stone back - plus an additional stone to make sure that the person stopped.
Soul
That's true. I know I can 'kill' in the corporate world via emails. I normally easy going but when someone intrude, firstly I dislike it cos intruding my peace. Secondly I dislike it cos they force me to be bad and 'kill' them off.
North node in Taurus
To stand up to other powers was enlivening in those incarnations, but in this lifetime it is a waste of energy - a distraction from their new, peaceful direction. They just want to build lives of comfort and stability and enjoy being on the earth.
Soul
Exactly. Only about 2 weeks ago, instead of my normal revenge mode on E, I took the peaceful mode and I got what I want quickly.
Next week another session with them.
North node in Taurus
Their consciousness was geared to crisis management and they have an addiction to excitement. Their desires was never satisfied, always wanting more. To balance over active desire, they need to exercise the antidote, which is appreciation for what they already have.
Soul
Up till age 40, I was on crisis mgm mode, continuously searching for excitement in career. Then it dwindled down but there was a slight activation last year due to fear. I was on crisis mgm for half a year and decided to walk out.
Now whenever I m not so happy with my boss, I will remember that I have got an understanding boss that allows me 3 days week.
North node in astrology
If they don't have a partner, they can say: "Thank you, Universe, for the friends, family, co-workers, pets etc that you have sent into my life to love me.
This is the key to fullness they have been seeking. It has nothing to do with what happens externally; it has to do with graciousness in accepting and appreciating what they have - with openness and feeling - they begin to experience the fullness of love inside them, which replace the agitation they have so often felt.
Soul
Father, Thank you, Universe, for the family, masters and books, fellow meditators, friends and co-workers that you have sent into my life to love me.
Father, as I was reading my North node in Taurus, I just had a tot. No wonder I hold on to Z.
On the outside, I don't need a partner but inside me, I do. Acknowledging I need one is the first step.
It was said that having a partner validates me. Another one week to go till end March and it is inevitable that Z won't be coming back. So, what is my worth without Z? Can I do being a single? Can I face the fact that I truly want a partner? Then if Z is not there, how? Is my hope gone? A tot came in, a few months later you will be with a new love. But I m not sure I am ready.
North node in Taurus
They are here to take back their power. When they stand in power, they can afford to be loving and helpful to others - not from a place of neediness but from a sense of contentment that enables them to be generous. Thus, their first responsibility is to themselves. To do things that bring recognition of their self worth and the contentment of enjoying life. This is a building lifetime: building a sense of comfort through their connection with themselves.
Soul
On first instance, I focus on myself. But behind the scene, I am not. And now I truly need to focus on myself.
Maybe that's why I m bit judgemental on others who don't focus on themselves cos deep down I don't.
Astrology for the soul
North node in Taurus
In past lives, their method of protecting themselves was revenge. If someone hurled a stone at them, they hurled a stone back - plus an additional stone to make sure that the person stopped.
Soul
That's true. I know I can 'kill' in the corporate world via emails. I normally easy going but when someone intrude, firstly I dislike it cos intruding my peace. Secondly I dislike it cos they force me to be bad and 'kill' them off.
North node in Taurus
To stand up to other powers was enlivening in those incarnations, but in this lifetime it is a waste of energy - a distraction from their new, peaceful direction. They just want to build lives of comfort and stability and enjoy being on the earth.
Soul
Exactly. Only about 2 weeks ago, instead of my normal revenge mode on E, I took the peaceful mode and I got what I want quickly.
Next week another session with them.
North node in Taurus
Their consciousness was geared to crisis management and they have an addiction to excitement. Their desires was never satisfied, always wanting more. To balance over active desire, they need to exercise the antidote, which is appreciation for what they already have.
Soul
Up till age 40, I was on crisis mgm mode, continuously searching for excitement in career. Then it dwindled down but there was a slight activation last year due to fear. I was on crisis mgm for half a year and decided to walk out.
Now whenever I m not so happy with my boss, I will remember that I have got an understanding boss that allows me 3 days week.
North node in astrology
If they don't have a partner, they can say: "Thank you, Universe, for the friends, family, co-workers, pets etc that you have sent into my life to love me.
This is the key to fullness they have been seeking. It has nothing to do with what happens externally; it has to do with graciousness in accepting and appreciating what they have - with openness and feeling - they begin to experience the fullness of love inside them, which replace the agitation they have so often felt.
Soul
Father, Thank you, Universe, for the family, masters and books, fellow meditators, friends and co-workers that you have sent into my life to love me.
North node in Taurus..projections of judgement
Mar 23 eve
North node in Taurus
They are largely unaware of the serious damage they do to others when they make harsh judgements. They hold nothing sacred and therefore have no qualms about destroying what may be sacred to others. Needless to say, being judgemental does not win them any friends. These folks are learning to stop destroying what others built, and instead focus on building what is important and valuable to themselves.
Infact, the things that upset them about others behaviours can be a clue to finding their own Values. As they remain consistently true to their own values, they will become less judgemental about others who have different values.
Soul
When I read this a year ago, I was reluctant to acknowledge but now I can. I used to be INTJ and now become INTP. I used to have no qualms on tearing down others beliefs. I have come a long way.
North Node in Taurus
They also tend to be highly judgemental of themselves and undermine their own self worth. They have a code of correct conduct against which they measure everyone - and most harshly themselves. They can be their own worst enemy. When things don't work out, they blame themselves for being out of alignment. Therefore they suffer twice: once with the momentary bad mood and again by casting themselves as wrong for having had the bad mood.
Soul
Very true. My mother's judgement that we should not be in bad mood caught me. I know I have loads of inner parent in me that judge me harshly whenever I m out of alignment.
North node in Taurus
These folks are very sensitive to the judgements of others, and if someone affects their energy field in a negative way, it's okay for them not to spend a lot of time around that person.
In past lives, they developed attunement so they could be as close with the other person as possible. They became vet aware of how that person viewed them so they could adjust their behaviour instantly to better accommodate the unit. However, in this incarnation, using their sensitivity to pick up on how others may be viewing them will disconnect them from the power of just being themselves. Their job is to stay out of other people's minds and business.
A good affirmation for them is: "What others think of me is none of my business?"
Soul
Father, I normally judged others for not being courageous to be themselves. I judged others for going to extreme.
I guess I wasn't being myself when I was pushing myself in the corporate world. Definitely during last year when I joined E. I am so glad and relieved I m no longer part of his crisis management group.
And when I was so much in Isha, it wasn't me too. I don't want to be in the lead. I just want to be by myself.
Such irony, on the surface I seems not to care about how others think of me. But in reality it is not so.
North node in Taurus
They are largely unaware of the serious damage they do to others when they make harsh judgements. They hold nothing sacred and therefore have no qualms about destroying what may be sacred to others. Needless to say, being judgemental does not win them any friends. These folks are learning to stop destroying what others built, and instead focus on building what is important and valuable to themselves.
Infact, the things that upset them about others behaviours can be a clue to finding their own Values. As they remain consistently true to their own values, they will become less judgemental about others who have different values.
Soul
When I read this a year ago, I was reluctant to acknowledge but now I can. I used to be INTJ and now become INTP. I used to have no qualms on tearing down others beliefs. I have come a long way.
North Node in Taurus
They also tend to be highly judgemental of themselves and undermine their own self worth. They have a code of correct conduct against which they measure everyone - and most harshly themselves. They can be their own worst enemy. When things don't work out, they blame themselves for being out of alignment. Therefore they suffer twice: once with the momentary bad mood and again by casting themselves as wrong for having had the bad mood.
Soul
Very true. My mother's judgement that we should not be in bad mood caught me. I know I have loads of inner parent in me that judge me harshly whenever I m out of alignment.
North node in Taurus
These folks are very sensitive to the judgements of others, and if someone affects their energy field in a negative way, it's okay for them not to spend a lot of time around that person.
In past lives, they developed attunement so they could be as close with the other person as possible. They became vet aware of how that person viewed them so they could adjust their behaviour instantly to better accommodate the unit. However, in this incarnation, using their sensitivity to pick up on how others may be viewing them will disconnect them from the power of just being themselves. Their job is to stay out of other people's minds and business.
A good affirmation for them is: "What others think of me is none of my business?"
Soul
Father, I normally judged others for not being courageous to be themselves. I judged others for going to extreme.
I guess I wasn't being myself when I was pushing myself in the corporate world. Definitely during last year when I joined E. I am so glad and relieved I m no longer part of his crisis management group.
And when I was so much in Isha, it wasn't me too. I don't want to be in the lead. I just want to be by myself.
Such irony, on the surface I seems not to care about how others think of me. But in reality it is not so.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Seeking worth thru others - validation from others
Mar 22 eve
Now reading North node in Taurus. Now reading for me.
Astrology for the Soul
Achilles heel to avoid.
They r seeking self worth through others, which can lead them into the trap of an unending search for soul mate.
Soul
When I read this a year ago, I couldn't accept this. But now one year later, half year it took me to let go of Z, I finally admitted I was hung up on him. I have got so much and I m so much and yet there is still a part of me that lingers for him.
North node in Taurus
No matter how much support and validation they need from others, they always think they need more. Infact, others' validation is a false barometer of whether they are on the right track. Living according to standards they know are right for them, regardless of what others think, will help them develop a sense of self worth.
Soul
Also, the realisation that I am afraid of losing approval gained further confirm this. This means that my worth was determined by approvals. If I lose their approvals, my worth will reduce.
North node in Taurus
The bottom line is that at some point, they must stop being enmeshed with others and involved in others business, and simply walk their own path instead. The irony is that when they begin to do this, others will support them, both financially and on an energy level.
Soul
Yea, focus on my website.
Today May shared with me that she can now feel my loving energy. Previously she felt that I emit an energy like a powerful queen. But now is a loving, motherly queen.
I told I have been getting the Sharing card recently
Now reading North node in Taurus. Now reading for me.
Astrology for the Soul
Achilles heel to avoid.
They r seeking self worth through others, which can lead them into the trap of an unending search for soul mate.
Soul
When I read this a year ago, I couldn't accept this. But now one year later, half year it took me to let go of Z, I finally admitted I was hung up on him. I have got so much and I m so much and yet there is still a part of me that lingers for him.
North node in Taurus
No matter how much support and validation they need from others, they always think they need more. Infact, others' validation is a false barometer of whether they are on the right track. Living according to standards they know are right for them, regardless of what others think, will help them develop a sense of self worth.
Soul
Also, the realisation that I am afraid of losing approval gained further confirm this. This means that my worth was determined by approvals. If I lose their approvals, my worth will reduce.
North node in Taurus
The bottom line is that at some point, they must stop being enmeshed with others and involved in others business, and simply walk their own path instead. The irony is that when they begin to do this, others will support them, both financially and on an energy level.
Soul
Yea, focus on my website.
Today May shared with me that she can now feel my loving energy. Previously she felt that I emit an energy like a powerful queen. But now is a loving, motherly queen.
I told I have been getting the Sharing card recently
North node in 11th house
Mar 22
Woke up 7 am to do my practices. My asanas were quite ok. Looks like Surya Kriya really helps in overall flexibility.
Afternoon
Spiritual Astrology
North node of Taurus in 11th house. The sign in which the North node falls denotes the psychological shift that needs to occur within the personality.
The house containing the North node shows the experiences that allow the person to access this new psychological awareness.
11th house is Aquarius
11th house is in areas of friends, groups, unorthodox thinking, angels.
South node in Scorpio in 5th house. 5th house is in Leo. No wonder I was asked to read Eclipse in Lunar Leo for my lunar in Scorpio.
Father, thank you. I bought the Astrology book. I lost the other one. Previously I was focused on the South node and also on Z nodes. Finally now I m ready to read my own. Amen.
Woke up 7 am to do my practices. My asanas were quite ok. Looks like Surya Kriya really helps in overall flexibility.
Afternoon
Spiritual Astrology
North node of Taurus in 11th house. The sign in which the North node falls denotes the psychological shift that needs to occur within the personality.
The house containing the North node shows the experiences that allow the person to access this new psychological awareness.
11th house is Aquarius
11th house is in areas of friends, groups, unorthodox thinking, angels.
South node in Scorpio in 5th house. 5th house is in Leo. No wonder I was asked to read Eclipse in Lunar Leo for my lunar in Scorpio.
Father, thank you. I bought the Astrology book. I lost the other one. Previously I was focused on the South node and also on Z nodes. Finally now I m ready to read my own. Amen.
Expectations are entangling
Mar 21 eve
Sadhguru
If struggle happens in spiritual path, is because you invite Grace to lift you from limitation and yet you don't want to let go.
Situations are happening, but there is no suffering.
Volunteering - denouncing the fruit of action. Sadhguru normally doesn't compliments the volunteering as he doesn't want them to entangle to praises (fruit of action). They want someone else to enjoy it. It is your expectation that is entangling. It is not the action.
A good example is the mother who takes care of their family with care and put others first.
Soul
Tot of Z. I love him and now that all hope is gone. Some lingering sadness but no regrets.
Just saw the email that Reception walked out. Mmm, can't say I am not surprised cos the receptionist is a sensitive person.
Father, just another situation.
Sadhguru
Your torture is happening because u r not aligning nor fulfilling with your life energies that is geared towards blissfulness.
U wanting to be joyful, healthy is not ur choice.
How come you fall off? Because u picked up from others who are not aware of what life is about.
Sadhguru
If struggle happens in spiritual path, is because you invite Grace to lift you from limitation and yet you don't want to let go.
Situations are happening, but there is no suffering.
Volunteering - denouncing the fruit of action. Sadhguru normally doesn't compliments the volunteering as he doesn't want them to entangle to praises (fruit of action). They want someone else to enjoy it. It is your expectation that is entangling. It is not the action.
A good example is the mother who takes care of their family with care and put others first.
Soul
Tot of Z. I love him and now that all hope is gone. Some lingering sadness but no regrets.
Just saw the email that Reception walked out. Mmm, can't say I am not surprised cos the receptionist is a sensitive person.
Father, just another situation.
Sadhguru
Your torture is happening because u r not aligning nor fulfilling with your life energies that is geared towards blissfulness.
U wanting to be joyful, healthy is not ur choice.
How come you fall off? Because u picked up from others who are not aware of what life is about.
Contentment is not happiness
Mar 21
Woke up 4.30 am on alarm but was tired. So, change alarm to 5.30 am. Alas I woke up just before 7 am as I forgot to save the alarm change. Took a shower but doesn't feel great since didn't take inner shower. My practices is important.
Osho
One who chooses between happiness and misery will never attain contentment, the one who distinguishes between happiness and misery will never find satisfaction. But the one who abandons all the distinctions between happiness and misery is contented.
Soul
Sadhguru always said volunteering was to overcome likes and dislikes. I used to tot he is just saying this so we volunteer. Now I can perhaps see the possibility truth. To me overcoming likes and dislikes is like overcoming myself, losing myself. Now I can see a glimmer of truth.
Osho
Happiness is not contentment. Contentment is not happiness. Contentment is beyond both happiness and misery, and only the one who abandons the distinction between happiness and misery is contented. Contentment transcends both.
Destiny, fate and fortune are great spiritual words. They denote a state of egoles.
Woke up 4.30 am on alarm but was tired. So, change alarm to 5.30 am. Alas I woke up just before 7 am as I forgot to save the alarm change. Took a shower but doesn't feel great since didn't take inner shower. My practices is important.
Osho
One who chooses between happiness and misery will never attain contentment, the one who distinguishes between happiness and misery will never find satisfaction. But the one who abandons all the distinctions between happiness and misery is contented.
Soul
Sadhguru always said volunteering was to overcome likes and dislikes. I used to tot he is just saying this so we volunteer. Now I can perhaps see the possibility truth. To me overcoming likes and dislikes is like overcoming myself, losing myself. Now I can see a glimmer of truth.
Osho
Happiness is not contentment. Contentment is not happiness. Contentment is beyond both happiness and misery, and only the one who abandons the distinction between happiness and misery is contented. Contentment transcends both.
Destiny, fate and fortune are great spiritual words. They denote a state of egoles.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
My inner contentment is not dependent on my external life
Mar 19 eve
Now on the way back from airport.
Just feeling contented..Normally I feel bit edgy after a long flight. After awhile, tots starts to intrude and I observed my tots and realised the tots are just a re-hashing of the past...or plotting unknown future...I come back once more to stillness...suddenly my tots comes in a songs...similar to my experience during Samyama
Father, what i know. Nothing happy happen, I m also joyful and contented. Something sad happened, I am also joyful and contented. This is what I learned during meditation.
My inner contentment is not dependent on external situation.
Father, thanks for everything.
Now on the way back from airport.
Just feeling contented..Normally I feel bit edgy after a long flight. After awhile, tots starts to intrude and I observed my tots and realised the tots are just a re-hashing of the past...or plotting unknown future...I come back once more to stillness...suddenly my tots comes in a songs...similar to my experience during Samyama
Father, what i know. Nothing happy happen, I m also joyful and contented. Something sad happened, I am also joyful and contented. This is what I learned during meditation.
My inner contentment is not dependent on external situation.
Father, thanks for everything.
Whatever will be will be
Mar 19 aft
Father, I just realised I m leaving it to You. You know best what is meant for me. I leave it to you. What I know and can do is just my practices.
Osho
Destiny has nothing to do with astrology, it is concerned with spirituality; it has nothing to do with the lines on your palms. The idea of destiny is born when u cease to be the doer and things began to happen on its own. U r the doer as long as u continue to struggle. But when u cease to be the doer, accepting whatever comes - not bothering about the result, whether it is misery or happiness - slowly the differences disappear and it even becomes difficult to recognise happiness and misery as such. U become indifferent to both.
Soul
Mmm, it is coincidental that my this week Osho card and now the book is on the same matter. Father, I have tried my very best and there is no regrets in my rship with Z. So, like the river, I just flow according to the bank.
Osho
In the indifference, the doer disappear, because there is nothing left to do. And what was it that u had to do? There was only one thing - to work out how to obtain happiness and how to avoid misery. That was your only activity. Now no action is needed and still things will go on happening. When man is not the doer, existence becomes the doer, and when existence is the doer, this state is called destiny, fate.
Father, I just realised I m leaving it to You. You know best what is meant for me. I leave it to you. What I know and can do is just my practices.
Osho
Destiny has nothing to do with astrology, it is concerned with spirituality; it has nothing to do with the lines on your palms. The idea of destiny is born when u cease to be the doer and things began to happen on its own. U r the doer as long as u continue to struggle. But when u cease to be the doer, accepting whatever comes - not bothering about the result, whether it is misery or happiness - slowly the differences disappear and it even becomes difficult to recognise happiness and misery as such. U become indifferent to both.
Soul
Mmm, it is coincidental that my this week Osho card and now the book is on the same matter. Father, I have tried my very best and there is no regrets in my rship with Z. So, like the river, I just flow according to the bank.
Osho
In the indifference, the doer disappear, because there is nothing left to do. And what was it that u had to do? There was only one thing - to work out how to obtain happiness and how to avoid misery. That was your only activity. Now no action is needed and still things will go on happening. When man is not the doer, existence becomes the doer, and when existence is the doer, this state is called destiny, fate.
Nothing more I can do...whatever will be will be
Mar 19
Good time with friends and colleagues. Nice time in Vietnam. A good place to relax and be. Air is nice and fresh.
This morning, I knew I was sad over Z. After my practices, I knew that irrespective of whatever the outcome, I had no regrets on my rship with Z. And I also had no regrets over the ending.
I checked my Osho cards.
1. Issue
Stress
Things are happening, the world is moving - call it God .., he is doing things. They are happening of their own accord. There is no need for me to struggle, any effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be. The essential man is not a doer. The accidental man is a doer. The accidental man is, of course, then in anxiety, tension, stress, anguish.
Soul
Exactly. I was dreading the end with Z as month end is closing.
After I read this, immediately I calmed down. I let things be.
2. Internal influence
Beyond illusion
Reality allows you to doubt, and the dream does not allow you to doubt.
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Don't look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on external, we too often get caught up in judgements. These judgements kept us trapped in our illusion.
3. External influence
Lovers
When your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it, and the pure fragrance is released. And that is compassion.
We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. This love is then based on freedom, not expectation or nerd. It's wings takes us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Soul
Mmm, I have seen myself. May be that's why ending is now imminent. We no longer need to be. I love him and I found myself. Whatever will be, will be.
4. What to do?
Silence
Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it remains the same. That is the only thing u can rely upon. It is the only thing you can call your being.
Soul
Just continue to do my practices. I enjoy the silence. I feel joyful and then everything becomes acceptable. Whatever will be, will be.
5. Resolution
Sharing
The queen of fire is so rich, so much a queen that she can afford to give. It doesn't occur for her to take inventories. U r in a situation to share your love, your joy and your laughter. And in sharing, u find that you be more full. U find you can enjoy sensuality without possessiveness or attachment, can give birth to a project or a child with an equal sense of creativity fulfilled. Everything around u seems to be coming together now. Enjoy it, ground yourself on it and let the abundance in u and around u overflow.
I knew then I just need to relax and let the world be. Whatever need to happen will happen. With that, I am able to see M's email in a better note.
Father, I observed that I can be easily affected. Just now, when my regional boss said that I should not consider F as my legal counsel, I was bit puzzled on the remarks as I was informed that Top 3 client has to go thru Regional. I just let it be. After the end of the meet, F announced that she be taking a 3 months break. Normally this type of scenario is for people who wanted to quit but was given the option to reconsider. Then he again mentioned it about me using F as a legal counsel. I found my disturbance flash full force and tot maybe I was wrongly accused of making F feel stressed. Anyway, I didn't let the tots flow. Instead of feeling wrongly accused, I should be happy for making F to think about het life. Amen.
Good time with friends and colleagues. Nice time in Vietnam. A good place to relax and be. Air is nice and fresh.
This morning, I knew I was sad over Z. After my practices, I knew that irrespective of whatever the outcome, I had no regrets on my rship with Z. And I also had no regrets over the ending.
I checked my Osho cards.
1. Issue
Stress
Things are happening, the world is moving - call it God .., he is doing things. They are happening of their own accord. There is no need for me to struggle, any effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be. The essential man is not a doer. The accidental man is a doer. The accidental man is, of course, then in anxiety, tension, stress, anguish.
Soul
Exactly. I was dreading the end with Z as month end is closing.
After I read this, immediately I calmed down. I let things be.
2. Internal influence
Beyond illusion
Reality allows you to doubt, and the dream does not allow you to doubt.
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Don't look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on external, we too often get caught up in judgements. These judgements kept us trapped in our illusion.
3. External influence
Lovers
When your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it, and the pure fragrance is released. And that is compassion.
We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. This love is then based on freedom, not expectation or nerd. It's wings takes us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.
Soul
Mmm, I have seen myself. May be that's why ending is now imminent. We no longer need to be. I love him and I found myself. Whatever will be, will be.
4. What to do?
Silence
Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it remains the same. That is the only thing u can rely upon. It is the only thing you can call your being.
Soul
Just continue to do my practices. I enjoy the silence. I feel joyful and then everything becomes acceptable. Whatever will be, will be.
5. Resolution
Sharing
The queen of fire is so rich, so much a queen that she can afford to give. It doesn't occur for her to take inventories. U r in a situation to share your love, your joy and your laughter. And in sharing, u find that you be more full. U find you can enjoy sensuality without possessiveness or attachment, can give birth to a project or a child with an equal sense of creativity fulfilled. Everything around u seems to be coming together now. Enjoy it, ground yourself on it and let the abundance in u and around u overflow.
I knew then I just need to relax and let the world be. Whatever need to happen will happen. With that, I am able to see M's email in a better note.
Father, I observed that I can be easily affected. Just now, when my regional boss said that I should not consider F as my legal counsel, I was bit puzzled on the remarks as I was informed that Top 3 client has to go thru Regional. I just let it be. After the end of the meet, F announced that she be taking a 3 months break. Normally this type of scenario is for people who wanted to quit but was given the option to reconsider. Then he again mentioned it about me using F as a legal counsel. I found my disturbance flash full force and tot maybe I was wrongly accused of making F feel stressed. Anyway, I didn't let the tots flow. Instead of feeling wrongly accused, I should be happy for making F to think about het life. Amen.
I am sad cos it is over..
Mar 18
Father, bit sad M focus on administration rather than driving the business. Well, if things was going on well, then she need not step in.
Father, at least I m getting my 3 days work. So, there is price to pay.
Ate bit too much. Feeling bloated. Not sure if can do yoga tomorrow. But want to.
Father, don't feel like looking at Z. Don't want to prolong it. There is no more hope for us. I have sustained this long. Aiyah. Let me just love him for a couple more days. I will end then. I m feeling bit down.
Osho
A person who does something to create happiness or to avoid misery, the sage calls a doer. But the person to whom happiness and misery makes no difference, who accepts every situation, does not continue to be a doer, he becomes a non doer. And existence itself becomes the doer.
Soul
Father, I knew why I m feeling down. The hope is gone. Sadness is creeping up but I m suppressing. As I was writing I can feel the tears brimming up. Father, let me be strong about this. Let me accept the ending gracefully.
Father, bit sad M focus on administration rather than driving the business. Well, if things was going on well, then she need not step in.
Father, at least I m getting my 3 days work. So, there is price to pay.
Ate bit too much. Feeling bloated. Not sure if can do yoga tomorrow. But want to.
Father, don't feel like looking at Z. Don't want to prolong it. There is no more hope for us. I have sustained this long. Aiyah. Let me just love him for a couple more days. I will end then. I m feeling bit down.
Osho
A person who does something to create happiness or to avoid misery, the sage calls a doer. But the person to whom happiness and misery makes no difference, who accepts every situation, does not continue to be a doer, he becomes a non doer. And existence itself becomes the doer.
Soul
Father, I knew why I m feeling down. The hope is gone. Sadness is creeping up but I m suppressing. As I was writing I can feel the tears brimming up. Father, let me be strong about this. Let me accept the ending gracefully.
Our lovabilty is how much we love ourselves
Mar 18 aft
Did my practices. Quite good with little tots.
As I woke up, a tot came to my mind. I will have to let go of Z by end of this month. I still love him but it doesn't do me good to keep him in my life when he wanted me out.
Then a tot occurred to me. It is not that Z is no longer loveable but it's because I can no longer take in the fear.
So, on the same premise. Z letting me off may not be because of my lovability but because he has his own values to follow and I don't fit in.
I remember about a year ago I wrote an insight about my love for Z fluctuates in accordance to my own fear. So, on the same premise, it should also be...whether others love us or not...is not the measure of our own lovability...we may be looking at the wrong direction.
The question of our lovability is how much we love ourselves...
Did my practices. Quite good with little tots.
As I woke up, a tot came to my mind. I will have to let go of Z by end of this month. I still love him but it doesn't do me good to keep him in my life when he wanted me out.
Then a tot occurred to me. It is not that Z is no longer loveable but it's because I can no longer take in the fear.
So, on the same premise. Z letting me off may not be because of my lovability but because he has his own values to follow and I don't fit in.
I remember about a year ago I wrote an insight about my love for Z fluctuates in accordance to my own fear. So, on the same premise, it should also be...whether others love us or not...is not the measure of our own lovability...we may be looking at the wrong direction.
The question of our lovability is how much we love ourselves...
Stillness in the swimming pool
Mar 17 eve
Father, as expected no response from him. It no longer matters. What matters is I m no longer affected by his non response.
Suddenly a tot of my natal chart came in; Spiritual Astrology - Venus in Leo to show love even if the other party is aloof. Lunar in Leo - To give love unconditionally so I can express my creation and love myself. Everything is linked.
I went for a swim in the evening. I just did free style as it was late. I swam effortlessly. And whenever I rest, I burst out into laughter and then total silence and stillness. My body was totally still. This long period of stillness has never happen to me before. Amazing.
Father, yea. My life is pretty intense. And so is my growth. Looks like I was on a spiritual path without even knowing I am on one.
Just now I was sharing with WY that Eight of Diamonds people are fixed in their values. Their likes and dislikes are prominent. She agrees.
Osho
It is the expectation of happiness and the fear of misery that makes one an extrovert. And it is the no-expectation of happiness and a fearlessness of misery that turns one within. This is the difference between indulgence and purification through austerities.
If u ask for happiness, u will have to fight for it, so as to hold on to it and to avoid misery. A fierce struggle is inevitable. Hence the consciousness will always have to be engaged outside in all the external things.
Father, as expected no response from him. It no longer matters. What matters is I m no longer affected by his non response.
Suddenly a tot of my natal chart came in; Spiritual Astrology - Venus in Leo to show love even if the other party is aloof. Lunar in Leo - To give love unconditionally so I can express my creation and love myself. Everything is linked.
I went for a swim in the evening. I just did free style as it was late. I swam effortlessly. And whenever I rest, I burst out into laughter and then total silence and stillness. My body was totally still. This long period of stillness has never happen to me before. Amazing.
Father, yea. My life is pretty intense. And so is my growth. Looks like I was on a spiritual path without even knowing I am on one.
Just now I was sharing with WY that Eight of Diamonds people are fixed in their values. Their likes and dislikes are prominent. She agrees.
Osho
It is the expectation of happiness and the fear of misery that makes one an extrovert. And it is the no-expectation of happiness and a fearlessness of misery that turns one within. This is the difference between indulgence and purification through austerities.
If u ask for happiness, u will have to fight for it, so as to hold on to it and to avoid misery. A fierce struggle is inevitable. Hence the consciousness will always have to be engaged outside in all the external things.
With Z..I seems to be like a Fool
Mar 17 aft
Father, just send msg to Z, telling him I m off to overseas. Just love him. I may seem like a fool to others but inside I m fine. I remembered my lifetime challenge of Seven of Hearts, learning to give unconditional love so I can love myself. I m not doing it for him, I m doing it for myself. As Sadhguru says let go of myself.
Osho
Change comes thru your acceptance. Whenever u accept a situation, it becomes ready for change. As soon as u accept it, the change begins.
If u r able to say this, even in misery: "I accept it and no change is needed" - then u be following this principle of purification. And it is very interesting to note misery turns to happiness.
Soul
Can't say I accept the situation on Z but I got no choice. I love him and still bears hope. And he is ignoring me. When I suppressed my love, I feel bad. When I expressed, my pride is dented. What I can change is my pride, I can't change my love. So, even if it is unrequited love, I still have to go through it.
This morning I know only of one thing, this unrequited love will pass. As long as I love me, I be fine.
Osho
When one can change even misery into happiness, then happiness no longer has any power over him and therefore a change to its opposite does not happen.
In fact someone who can change his misery into happiness has already dropped the desire for happiness, that's why he could change it. And when there is no desire for happiness, happiness loses its capacity to change itself into misery. It is the desire that gives it the capacity.
Soul
Not sure in total. But when I accepted my resistance on reporting, the external changes and now I need not work on it already. When I accepted lead volunteering, others came back.
On Z, when I accepted his silence, I no longer suffer.
Osho
Acceptance is the deepest alchemy for transformation within human nature. Accept misery when it comes to u. It is because of the rejection that it is misery. Accept whatever comes wholeheartedly, agree to whatever comes - embrace it, live with it, do not desire to get rid of it - and suddenly u will find that everything has changed. What u originally felt was misery has turned into happiness through your acceptance.
Father, just send msg to Z, telling him I m off to overseas. Just love him. I may seem like a fool to others but inside I m fine. I remembered my lifetime challenge of Seven of Hearts, learning to give unconditional love so I can love myself. I m not doing it for him, I m doing it for myself. As Sadhguru says let go of myself.
Osho
Change comes thru your acceptance. Whenever u accept a situation, it becomes ready for change. As soon as u accept it, the change begins.
If u r able to say this, even in misery: "I accept it and no change is needed" - then u be following this principle of purification. And it is very interesting to note misery turns to happiness.
Soul
Can't say I accept the situation on Z but I got no choice. I love him and still bears hope. And he is ignoring me. When I suppressed my love, I feel bad. When I expressed, my pride is dented. What I can change is my pride, I can't change my love. So, even if it is unrequited love, I still have to go through it.
This morning I know only of one thing, this unrequited love will pass. As long as I love me, I be fine.
Osho
When one can change even misery into happiness, then happiness no longer has any power over him and therefore a change to its opposite does not happen.
In fact someone who can change his misery into happiness has already dropped the desire for happiness, that's why he could change it. And when there is no desire for happiness, happiness loses its capacity to change itself into misery. It is the desire that gives it the capacity.
Soul
Not sure in total. But when I accepted my resistance on reporting, the external changes and now I need not work on it already. When I accepted lead volunteering, others came back.
On Z, when I accepted his silence, I no longer suffer.
Osho
Acceptance is the deepest alchemy for transformation within human nature. Accept misery when it comes to u. It is because of the rejection that it is misery. Accept whatever comes wholeheartedly, agree to whatever comes - embrace it, live with it, do not desire to get rid of it - and suddenly u will find that everything has changed. What u originally felt was misery has turned into happiness through your acceptance.
My Mercury in Cancer....
Mar 18
Father, I m glad I overcome my resistance and msg M yday. He called me this morning and we clarify our communication channel.
Of course, seeing the clash between Feeler and Thinker, this may not be the end.
Father, I m really affected by the loss of approval previously gained. I don't seek approval from general public. Mine is the fear of loss of approval. This is due to the childhood experience of being placed with neighbours.
With the latest development, I still need to go on.
Father, I m glad I overcome my resistance and msg M yday. He called me this morning and we clarify our communication channel.
Of course, seeing the clash between Feeler and Thinker, this may not be the end.
Father, I m really affected by the loss of approval previously gained. I don't seek approval from general public. Mine is the fear of loss of approval. This is due to the childhood experience of being placed with neighbours.
With the latest development, I still need to go on.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Sadhguru - Spiritual life is not peaceful life...on the contrary
Mar 17 eve
Father, I feel down today. Very restless. I tot I had overcomes my issue on communication. But the experiences with E and M tells me it is not so.
One thing I know is I can overreact. I get defensive and think the other person is trying to hurt me. Yea, forgot about using my sensitivity on them than on me.
Frankly I m not bothered about M but my ego is dented with Z non response. I blame myself. I judged myself. How is it my rship with Z can turn out this way. I felt ostracized. I felt abandoned. The Outsider card is coming out.
I am really glad that I managed to turn around cos I remember that I like E and he is not a bad guy. And tot that I may not have been clear. True enough, when I state my intention clearly, he responded.
I guess he too was like me. Both of us are defending and attacking. We forgot that we truly like each other.
On Z, I have done all that I could. Perhaps it is best that he avoids me so that I can let go of him, not prolonging it. He has already left. I recalled his card says he tend not to give a good ending. Let me not judge myself.
I also accept the lesson from M in communication with Feeler.
Sadhguru
We are always looking for something familiar. Only what agrees with ur sensibility, u have accept him. For a person on spiritual path, this is self defeating. U allow Krishna to disturb u, then u can grow.
The only way Krishna agrees with you, is to fall in love with him. There is no 'Wisdom' in love.
The same as if u are in love with everyone, then everyone is agreeable to you.
Soul
I tot of how to handle Z. Maybe this is the answer. Love him for his non-response.
Sadhguru
Why we face hardship?
Don't complain cos life is happening in great measure. It is because you identify what is good or bad to u. Life is happening but you are in identification. If you don't identify, u can just see life is happening intensely.
So, the whole work is to enjoy it. It is just a happening.
Look at life beyond your likes and dislikes. When u r going for spirituality. U r going for a larger slice of life. If u have any mental condition with has nothing to do with reality. All suffering is coming from that insanity.
U would have lived a more peaceful life if u r not spiritual. But u are also living a life that more lifeless. But nothing fundamental shaking within u. If u want to pass ur life in coma, that's ur choice. They won't do anything extra. They know that the comfort they are enjoying will go away. They know the smallest thing will upset their lives. Once u step into spiritual life, u must be willing to expose to all aspects of life. Let everything that is life happens to u.
Soul
Sadhguru always said about All Inclusiveness....then total acceptance.
I can see that in Pe not willing to change.
Sadhguru
U should only be looking at how intensely life is happening to u. Good or bad is not a life phenomena, it is just a social phenomena.
Life is happening in great measure. U r not limited by your product.
Spiritual people are in a big hurry. They want to handle one hundred in one lifetime. Naturally their life will happen in great intensity. If they just maintain this equanimity, they will see every event that happens in their life will always place them in a higher and higher position within themselves. If they don't see this and they get influenced by social situations around them, because of the pace of situations that is happening, it will totally ground them down. This is the reason, we said some meditators should not go into social events if they are easily influenced or pursuaded. Don't get into their kind of tots or opinions and u will think something is wrong in your life.
The moment u say u want to become spiritual, in a very deep sense, u r saying I want to end myself. Positive way, is seeking liberation, become boundless.
Once u expressed that wish, everything that needs to end you will happen. When u see ur life moving at a much faster space than ur neighbours life, I think some tragedy is happening to u. It is not so. It is just that your life going on a fast pace.
Soul
You truly answered my prayer. I was going into abandoned child mode. Feeling sorry for myself cos still have to go thru lessons when I passed through so many.
When I woke up from my afternoon nap, a tot came that Krishna life also go thru many challenges and he too has to strive. So, why not me then. And here the similar question arose. Thank you.
Father, I can see that Eight of Diamonds people are fixed to their values. They don't want to shfit from their comfort zone. I see this on Pe, SY and also WY and even LK. She too resisted to change her career until recently. Fear of losing her comfort zone. I guess to me, with my second karma card in Nine of Diamonds, I can shift better. And when I shift I embrace it totally. Just like my issue for meditation, food and clothes. And now working on my issue with volunteering. And true enough, I am now given double challenge. Not just self volunteering but also to face an extravert feeler, M.
He seems to share his plans easily with others but not me. Perhaps he is afraid I have too much information and will indirectly take the lead from him. So, best to kept me in the dark.
Mmmm, no wonder he complained about us not giving him access of communication to teacher. He viewed that as us holding the power base.
The only thing I tot of recently was the Maha email from teacher that I took charge and said to reply. And since I put it in Sathsang mail, I couldn't loop them in. Mmm, interesting.
At least I knew who M is sharing the info. I can get status update there.
Just read M's personality of ENFP. I am used to take charge. I have no qualms in giving feedback.
Mmmm, perfect lesson for me. I always tot the next lesson I need is to open my feelings. I now faced an extreme feeler who hates feedback. He takes it negatively and view the other person as control freak.
And of all of the Core team, I am even more controlling. Because I am not task orientated, I need to be kept informed of status update. But that's where he dislikes.
Interesting. A new lesson for my leadership skill in a volunteering environment.
Father, as I read thru ENFP, I can identify with it, especially when I felt I am under heavy attack or forced to attack. I think due to my Mercury in Cancer. I don't like to be made look like a nasty person. I want to keep harmony or rather I don't want to be out of emotional control.
Father, teaching M will help me. Let me rise to the occasion. Let me not judge him as I too have the underlying issue. I too have suppressed my anger out of need for approval.
I just shared this with P.
Father, I feel down today. Very restless. I tot I had overcomes my issue on communication. But the experiences with E and M tells me it is not so.
One thing I know is I can overreact. I get defensive and think the other person is trying to hurt me. Yea, forgot about using my sensitivity on them than on me.
Frankly I m not bothered about M but my ego is dented with Z non response. I blame myself. I judged myself. How is it my rship with Z can turn out this way. I felt ostracized. I felt abandoned. The Outsider card is coming out.
I am really glad that I managed to turn around cos I remember that I like E and he is not a bad guy. And tot that I may not have been clear. True enough, when I state my intention clearly, he responded.
I guess he too was like me. Both of us are defending and attacking. We forgot that we truly like each other.
On Z, I have done all that I could. Perhaps it is best that he avoids me so that I can let go of him, not prolonging it. He has already left. I recalled his card says he tend not to give a good ending. Let me not judge myself.
I also accept the lesson from M in communication with Feeler.
Sadhguru
We are always looking for something familiar. Only what agrees with ur sensibility, u have accept him. For a person on spiritual path, this is self defeating. U allow Krishna to disturb u, then u can grow.
The only way Krishna agrees with you, is to fall in love with him. There is no 'Wisdom' in love.
The same as if u are in love with everyone, then everyone is agreeable to you.
Soul
I tot of how to handle Z. Maybe this is the answer. Love him for his non-response.
Sadhguru
Why we face hardship?
Don't complain cos life is happening in great measure. It is because you identify what is good or bad to u. Life is happening but you are in identification. If you don't identify, u can just see life is happening intensely.
So, the whole work is to enjoy it. It is just a happening.
Look at life beyond your likes and dislikes. When u r going for spirituality. U r going for a larger slice of life. If u have any mental condition with has nothing to do with reality. All suffering is coming from that insanity.
U would have lived a more peaceful life if u r not spiritual. But u are also living a life that more lifeless. But nothing fundamental shaking within u. If u want to pass ur life in coma, that's ur choice. They won't do anything extra. They know that the comfort they are enjoying will go away. They know the smallest thing will upset their lives. Once u step into spiritual life, u must be willing to expose to all aspects of life. Let everything that is life happens to u.
Soul
Sadhguru always said about All Inclusiveness....then total acceptance.
I can see that in Pe not willing to change.
Sadhguru
U should only be looking at how intensely life is happening to u. Good or bad is not a life phenomena, it is just a social phenomena.
Life is happening in great measure. U r not limited by your product.
Spiritual people are in a big hurry. They want to handle one hundred in one lifetime. Naturally their life will happen in great intensity. If they just maintain this equanimity, they will see every event that happens in their life will always place them in a higher and higher position within themselves. If they don't see this and they get influenced by social situations around them, because of the pace of situations that is happening, it will totally ground them down. This is the reason, we said some meditators should not go into social events if they are easily influenced or pursuaded. Don't get into their kind of tots or opinions and u will think something is wrong in your life.
The moment u say u want to become spiritual, in a very deep sense, u r saying I want to end myself. Positive way, is seeking liberation, become boundless.
Once u expressed that wish, everything that needs to end you will happen. When u see ur life moving at a much faster space than ur neighbours life, I think some tragedy is happening to u. It is not so. It is just that your life going on a fast pace.
Soul
You truly answered my prayer. I was going into abandoned child mode. Feeling sorry for myself cos still have to go thru lessons when I passed through so many.
When I woke up from my afternoon nap, a tot came that Krishna life also go thru many challenges and he too has to strive. So, why not me then. And here the similar question arose. Thank you.
Father, I can see that Eight of Diamonds people are fixed to their values. They don't want to shfit from their comfort zone. I see this on Pe, SY and also WY and even LK. She too resisted to change her career until recently. Fear of losing her comfort zone. I guess to me, with my second karma card in Nine of Diamonds, I can shift better. And when I shift I embrace it totally. Just like my issue for meditation, food and clothes. And now working on my issue with volunteering. And true enough, I am now given double challenge. Not just self volunteering but also to face an extravert feeler, M.
He seems to share his plans easily with others but not me. Perhaps he is afraid I have too much information and will indirectly take the lead from him. So, best to kept me in the dark.
Mmmm, no wonder he complained about us not giving him access of communication to teacher. He viewed that as us holding the power base.
The only thing I tot of recently was the Maha email from teacher that I took charge and said to reply. And since I put it in Sathsang mail, I couldn't loop them in. Mmm, interesting.
At least I knew who M is sharing the info. I can get status update there.
Just read M's personality of ENFP. I am used to take charge. I have no qualms in giving feedback.
Mmmm, perfect lesson for me. I always tot the next lesson I need is to open my feelings. I now faced an extreme feeler who hates feedback. He takes it negatively and view the other person as control freak.
And of all of the Core team, I am even more controlling. Because I am not task orientated, I need to be kept informed of status update. But that's where he dislikes.
Interesting. A new lesson for my leadership skill in a volunteering environment.
Father, as I read thru ENFP, I can identify with it, especially when I felt I am under heavy attack or forced to attack. I think due to my Mercury in Cancer. I don't like to be made look like a nasty person. I want to keep harmony or rather I don't want to be out of emotional control.
Father, teaching M will help me. Let me rise to the occasion. Let me not judge him as I too have the underlying issue. I too have suppressed my anger out of need for approval.
I just shared this with P.
Shambavi - when energy rise, mental drama evaporates..
Mar 17
Father, I was disturbed today. There were such turmoil over E. It was such a pain. Then I asked myself why? I then replied that then I have to be nasty and hurt them. There were attacking tots in me and I drafted the email in my head, putting all the regional heads in the loop.
All these mental turmoil while I was doing my practices. It has been a long while since I was so disturbed. There were also tots of Z and M. Tots of deleting Z contact by 31 march, the date of my commitment.
So tiring dealing with all of them.
After a long period of mental drama, suddenly when I was doing butterfly in Shambavi, a harmony song came in and cut off all the mental drama. Something inside me has arose and my joy came in and I started to laugh and ended the practice with loads of laughter and cries. I am so thankful that I have received this gift of meditation
Then I went for a swim. Despite nearly one and half month, I can swim ok. Had loads of laughter.
I then knew all my mental drama was for nothing. I who take pride in true communication should lead the way.
When I got back from swim. I wrote a professional email to E and tell him the objective of escalation to him and etc. a few hours later, he replied with a positive reply and was even cordial to request for the list of travel. I thank him for approval and said that I too tot the same. So, that ends well.
Yday dream was me with another guy. It must be me just me missing the physical closeness, I think. Just now dream I got a son and we are running away from bad guys. That's a first.
Father, I was disturbed today. There were such turmoil over E. It was such a pain. Then I asked myself why? I then replied that then I have to be nasty and hurt them. There were attacking tots in me and I drafted the email in my head, putting all the regional heads in the loop.
All these mental turmoil while I was doing my practices. It has been a long while since I was so disturbed. There were also tots of Z and M. Tots of deleting Z contact by 31 march, the date of my commitment.
So tiring dealing with all of them.
After a long period of mental drama, suddenly when I was doing butterfly in Shambavi, a harmony song came in and cut off all the mental drama. Something inside me has arose and my joy came in and I started to laugh and ended the practice with loads of laughter and cries. I am so thankful that I have received this gift of meditation
Then I went for a swim. Despite nearly one and half month, I can swim ok. Had loads of laughter.
I then knew all my mental drama was for nothing. I who take pride in true communication should lead the way.
When I got back from swim. I wrote a professional email to E and tell him the objective of escalation to him and etc. a few hours later, he replied with a positive reply and was even cordial to request for the list of travel. I thank him for approval and said that I too tot the same. So, that ends well.
Yday dream was me with another guy. It must be me just me missing the physical closeness, I think. Just now dream I got a son and we are running away from bad guys. That's a first.
Thank God for Shoonya and Samyama
Mar 16 eve
Father, when people defend, it's outward. But mine seems to turn inward. No wonder I got Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Father, feeling tired today. Mmm, all three of them went to outstation. No wonder hesitant reply. Also I guess my antenna is up that I was not called. But is fine. All of us have our own gang, just S, A and L is with me mostly.
So glad to have Shoonya and Samyama. Feel so relieved. I cried out loud when I went in. Crying with tears on why no one love me; then later why I didn't love myself. After the cries, I went in deep.
Guess that's the pent up feelings for the past two week on Z and the events. Can see the two nodes on my shoulder blades. Looking forward to my swim tomorrow. It has been more than one month since my last swim.
Aiyoh, dealing with E takes energy. He and Sl is like a hound dog.
Father, when people defend, it's outward. But mine seems to turn inward. No wonder I got Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Father, feeling tired today. Mmm, all three of them went to outstation. No wonder hesitant reply. Also I guess my antenna is up that I was not called. But is fine. All of us have our own gang, just S, A and L is with me mostly.
So glad to have Shoonya and Samyama. Feel so relieved. I cried out loud when I went in. Crying with tears on why no one love me; then later why I didn't love myself. After the cries, I went in deep.
Guess that's the pent up feelings for the past two week on Z and the events. Can see the two nodes on my shoulder blades. Looking forward to my swim tomorrow. It has been more than one month since my last swim.
Aiyoh, dealing with E takes energy. He and Sl is like a hound dog.
Z ignored me
Mar 15 aft
Surprisingly today I m fine after yday msg to Z. Despite a non response I am fine. And today card is Four of Spades. I just needed the release..
Lunar in Leo
When the vibrancy of love is shut off from the heart centre, the heart centre isolates from the rest of the body. Then it does not allow the spinal column to carry messages from the brain, thereby cutting off communication and vitality.
Soul
No wonder Z has a real communication issue. I then recalled his Saturn is in Gemini, which is also about communication.
Surprisingly today I m fine after yday msg to Z. Despite a non response I am fine. And today card is Four of Spades. I just needed the release..
Lunar in Leo
When the vibrancy of love is shut off from the heart centre, the heart centre isolates from the rest of the body. Then it does not allow the spinal column to carry messages from the brain, thereby cutting off communication and vitality.
Soul
No wonder Z has a real communication issue. I then recalled his Saturn is in Gemini, which is also about communication.
Uranus period...unexpected happenings
Uranus 21 mar to 12 may
Ruling
Seven of Clubs and five of diamonds.
Unexpected trouble or doubt regarding a friend or work. Perhaps some plans u made was unexpectedly interrupted. U must be prepared to let go of ur plans and adopt a positive attitude in spite of whatever circumstances present themselves. Then u may experience the "higher mind" potential of this card, cosmic consciousness and freedom from worry and concern.
This is a good influence for spiritual matters.
Five of Diamonds
Change in value, occupation or travel.
Soul
I know now I am uncertain on M...he is a feeler and I am a thinker..will not be easy to work. But I will take it up. I have always said my next challenge is to express my feelings. With M, he is unable to express his anger..so up to me to express my sadness.
Destiny
Five of Diamonds and Queen of Spades
This is a strong influence for change of residence or business, perhaps unexpected. This can indicate a journey over land for business.
Making changes in the way u do business, in personnel or location are beneficial now but keep cautious eye on all transactions. The unexpected is bound to happen.
Queen of Spades
Organisational ability and hard work, self mastery brings much success.
(This is a highly spiritual influence that could indicates a time when u have some profound experience of awakening and self realisation. There are bound to be some interesting experiences during this period that lift u to new levels of understanding and awareness. Ur work and real estate are going very well as u work hard and apply this new understanding to the mundane situations in ur life.
Soul
Office wise, I finally got 2 capable staff. We also off load some of the shared services..so things are going on well.
Not sure. I m only doing my website.
Ruling
Seven of Clubs and five of diamonds.
Unexpected trouble or doubt regarding a friend or work. Perhaps some plans u made was unexpectedly interrupted. U must be prepared to let go of ur plans and adopt a positive attitude in spite of whatever circumstances present themselves. Then u may experience the "higher mind" potential of this card, cosmic consciousness and freedom from worry and concern.
This is a good influence for spiritual matters.
Five of Diamonds
Change in value, occupation or travel.
Soul
I know now I am uncertain on M...he is a feeler and I am a thinker..will not be easy to work. But I will take it up. I have always said my next challenge is to express my feelings. With M, he is unable to express his anger..so up to me to express my sadness.
Destiny
Five of Diamonds and Queen of Spades
This is a strong influence for change of residence or business, perhaps unexpected. This can indicate a journey over land for business.
Making changes in the way u do business, in personnel or location are beneficial now but keep cautious eye on all transactions. The unexpected is bound to happen.
Queen of Spades
Organisational ability and hard work, self mastery brings much success.
(This is a highly spiritual influence that could indicates a time when u have some profound experience of awakening and self realisation. There are bound to be some interesting experiences during this period that lift u to new levels of understanding and awareness. Ur work and real estate are going very well as u work hard and apply this new understanding to the mundane situations in ur life.
Soul
Office wise, I finally got 2 capable staff. We also off load some of the shared services..so things are going on well.
Not sure. I m only doing my website.
Lunar in 5th house is also Lunar in Leo (Creativity)
Mar 15
Woke up 4.30 am and ponder bit of doing hata as I was feeling sleepy. Then I remember I didn't do hata on Monday, so I did. To my surprise, hata asana is quite good despite first practice this week. Looks like Surya kriya helps it too.
Yday I slept and beat the pillow as if its Z for being naughty. This morning I tot why I love a guy who can't confront. Then a reply came, it's because he can't, that u has to go inward to find the answers. And in the search, I found myself.
Spiritual Astrology
5th house in Lunar
Lunar in Leo
The idea is to create. U recognise this not based on what others expect, but from that sense of love and joy within. U r here to share love and to share yourself. Indeed, sharing yourself is a form of creation.
U understand universe creates us out of love, and we can't create at our finest until we can function from that base of love. And we cannot accept this universal love going forth to others in an effort to reunite the whole until we really feel it. In order to feel it, we must experience it in conscious awareness.
Soul
My Cosmic reward was Nine of Hearts and my age 12 years period from age 39 to 51 is Nine of Hearts.
Lunar in Leo
When u begin your journey into creativity, you find pleasure in sharing your expressions of love, whether in painting, acting, raising children, writing or just finding creative ways to allow others to feel uplifted and sense the love that is flowing from u.
Once u allow yourself to tap that internal source - that spark of collective consciousness that burns within - there is no end to ur ability to create and manifest exciting experiences in this lifetime.
Soul
Started my blog more than 4 years ago at age 40 and then website at age 42.
Not sure on the tapping. For now I just enjoy myself.
Lunar on Leo
You may be involved in self evaluation techniques, whether it be meditation, yoga or any other practice that can bring you of the self. U r more comfortable in detaching. U find that if you can remove yourself from the problem, u can see it more clearly. Once u understand it, u r capable of healing it.
U r gaining awareness of the self and the issues that block u from loving. U may find that there is no need to dominate the situation, so u can allow yourself to trust those around u and interrelate with more harmony. Through bringing harmony into your life, you allow yourself to develop the true creativity that u have come to express.
Soul
Thanks to Sadhguru for giving me the tools to open up, thanks to Z for forcing me to dig within.
Father, looks like unconditional love is the lesson I have to cross before I can be the transformational leader.
Woke up 4.30 am and ponder bit of doing hata as I was feeling sleepy. Then I remember I didn't do hata on Monday, so I did. To my surprise, hata asana is quite good despite first practice this week. Looks like Surya kriya helps it too.
Yday I slept and beat the pillow as if its Z for being naughty. This morning I tot why I love a guy who can't confront. Then a reply came, it's because he can't, that u has to go inward to find the answers. And in the search, I found myself.
Spiritual Astrology
5th house in Lunar
Lunar in Leo
The idea is to create. U recognise this not based on what others expect, but from that sense of love and joy within. U r here to share love and to share yourself. Indeed, sharing yourself is a form of creation.
U understand universe creates us out of love, and we can't create at our finest until we can function from that base of love. And we cannot accept this universal love going forth to others in an effort to reunite the whole until we really feel it. In order to feel it, we must experience it in conscious awareness.
Soul
My Cosmic reward was Nine of Hearts and my age 12 years period from age 39 to 51 is Nine of Hearts.
Lunar in Leo
When u begin your journey into creativity, you find pleasure in sharing your expressions of love, whether in painting, acting, raising children, writing or just finding creative ways to allow others to feel uplifted and sense the love that is flowing from u.
Once u allow yourself to tap that internal source - that spark of collective consciousness that burns within - there is no end to ur ability to create and manifest exciting experiences in this lifetime.
Soul
Started my blog more than 4 years ago at age 40 and then website at age 42.
Not sure on the tapping. For now I just enjoy myself.
Lunar on Leo
You may be involved in self evaluation techniques, whether it be meditation, yoga or any other practice that can bring you of the self. U r more comfortable in detaching. U find that if you can remove yourself from the problem, u can see it more clearly. Once u understand it, u r capable of healing it.
U r gaining awareness of the self and the issues that block u from loving. U may find that there is no need to dominate the situation, so u can allow yourself to trust those around u and interrelate with more harmony. Through bringing harmony into your life, you allow yourself to develop the true creativity that u have come to express.
Soul
Thanks to Sadhguru for giving me the tools to open up, thanks to Z for forcing me to dig within.
Father, looks like unconditional love is the lesson I have to cross before I can be the transformational leader.
Sadhguru - If you want to take off, you must be willing to fall
Mar 14 eve
Father, just finished Shoonya and Samyama. A good one. Such contentment and joy.
Sadhguru - Leela
Those who come first in the world beyond, will come last on this world.
If u want to take off, you must be willing to fall. U must fall of what u have built. Ur personality must be purged.
When u r in personality, u tend to avoid uncomfortable circumstances. U will naturally avoid situation that makes u feel insecure and lose confidence. U will naturally avoid stupendous circumstances or great people.
If u r too concerned about protecting yourself, u cannot fall. That's why u can't take off.
Soul
Yea. My mind is asking me to delete Z contact number in order to avoid contacting him. To avoid another rejection. To avoid fall of pride. I ignored it as this contradict my path to build an altar of love for him. I must remember my long term strategy. I m taking a fall not for him but for my growth.
My control freak came back cos I m feeling afraid.
Now I understand about yday card of "Control" in the Osho rship card.
Control
The image of the King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breath, loosen our neckties and take it easy. If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get a little out of hand, its probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much more to life than being "on top of things"
Sadhguru
As long as u hold ur own intention, there is the part of u that creates the resistance against the Creator.
If u r identified with ur limited personality. That's why all the insecurities and fears in ur life. Only if u r no more identified with ur limited personality, who u r inside can be 100% your call. U can take charge 100%.
Who is with u in every moment of your life?
Soul
Not sure where I m heading. But I m not going for suppression via control. Finally less fear of suffering.
Lifetime challenges
Destiny
Seven of Heart - challenges in attachment and unconditional love
Affirmation
I am learning how to experience unconditional love and in the process, set myself free.
Ruling
Seven of Clubs - negativity, exposure to spiritual knowledge
Affirmation
I am enlightening mind and transforming my negative tots to positive and higher level of thinking.
Father, just finished Shoonya and Samyama. A good one. Such contentment and joy.
Sadhguru - Leela
Those who come first in the world beyond, will come last on this world.
If u want to take off, you must be willing to fall. U must fall of what u have built. Ur personality must be purged.
When u r in personality, u tend to avoid uncomfortable circumstances. U will naturally avoid situation that makes u feel insecure and lose confidence. U will naturally avoid stupendous circumstances or great people.
If u r too concerned about protecting yourself, u cannot fall. That's why u can't take off.
Soul
Yea. My mind is asking me to delete Z contact number in order to avoid contacting him. To avoid another rejection. To avoid fall of pride. I ignored it as this contradict my path to build an altar of love for him. I must remember my long term strategy. I m taking a fall not for him but for my growth.
My control freak came back cos I m feeling afraid.
Now I understand about yday card of "Control" in the Osho rship card.
Control
The image of the King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breath, loosen our neckties and take it easy. If mistakes happen, it's okay. If things get a little out of hand, its probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much more to life than being "on top of things"
Sadhguru
As long as u hold ur own intention, there is the part of u that creates the resistance against the Creator.
If u r identified with ur limited personality. That's why all the insecurities and fears in ur life. Only if u r no more identified with ur limited personality, who u r inside can be 100% your call. U can take charge 100%.
Who is with u in every moment of your life?
Soul
Not sure where I m heading. But I m not going for suppression via control. Finally less fear of suffering.
Lifetime challenges
Destiny
Seven of Heart - challenges in attachment and unconditional love
Affirmation
I am learning how to experience unconditional love and in the process, set myself free.
Ruling
Seven of Clubs - negativity, exposure to spiritual knowledge
Affirmation
I am enlightening mind and transforming my negative tots to positive and higher level of thinking.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Opening the cage...
Mar 14
Father, woke up about 6.21 am but weather was cool and I decide to sleep. Alarm rang at 7 am but I still want to rest. So, wake up 7.30 am and took my shower.
Did Surya Kriya for 3 cycles,focusing on my breathe. Had some mix up between Suria Namaskara and Surya Kriya but breathing was much easier. Also on the lying down 8 points, I learned to use my hand to support so I can breathe. On the mountain pose. I learned to push my heel back so support doesn't rest on my hands alone as my right elbow is swollen. Breathing is now much deeper.
Breathing meditation was fine as I can see violet flame.
While I was doing Shakti, I can see that I wasn't feeling bad on Z's avoidance. I was only feeling bad for 'weakening.
Just finished writing my story on today event. What a breakthrough! Z may have determination but he has no courage.
I messages him that I finally know why he is avoiding me. He is not getting married but he just don't to be with me. He prefers that I disappear from his life, period. He has determination but no courage to tell me.
As expected, he didn't reply my message. Holding on to his power. I finally break thru the cage that I have created myself. I still love him but I love me too. As long as I love me, I be fine.
I am glad I went thru my card of What to do?
Thunderbolt
This inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Soul
Well, I have thrown in the towel with Z.
Resolution
Sharing
When u draw this card, it suggests that u too are in a situation where you have an opportunity to share your love, your joy and your laughter. And in sharing you find that u feel more full.
Everything around you seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground yourself in it and let the abundance in you and around you overflow.
Soul
I have also finally out Joy in my company name card.
Just had a good discussion with my web designer. We got our web theme, our layout and now need to find the object. Things are coming along.
Father, woke up about 6.21 am but weather was cool and I decide to sleep. Alarm rang at 7 am but I still want to rest. So, wake up 7.30 am and took my shower.
Did Surya Kriya for 3 cycles,focusing on my breathe. Had some mix up between Suria Namaskara and Surya Kriya but breathing was much easier. Also on the lying down 8 points, I learned to use my hand to support so I can breathe. On the mountain pose. I learned to push my heel back so support doesn't rest on my hands alone as my right elbow is swollen. Breathing is now much deeper.
Breathing meditation was fine as I can see violet flame.
While I was doing Shakti, I can see that I wasn't feeling bad on Z's avoidance. I was only feeling bad for 'weakening.
Just finished writing my story on today event. What a breakthrough! Z may have determination but he has no courage.
I messages him that I finally know why he is avoiding me. He is not getting married but he just don't to be with me. He prefers that I disappear from his life, period. He has determination but no courage to tell me.
As expected, he didn't reply my message. Holding on to his power. I finally break thru the cage that I have created myself. I still love him but I love me too. As long as I love me, I be fine.
I am glad I went thru my card of What to do?
Thunderbolt
This inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Soul
Well, I have thrown in the towel with Z.
Resolution
Sharing
When u draw this card, it suggests that u too are in a situation where you have an opportunity to share your love, your joy and your laughter. And in sharing you find that u feel more full.
Everything around you seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground yourself in it and let the abundance in you and around you overflow.
Soul
I have also finally out Joy in my company name card.
Just had a good discussion with my web designer. We got our web theme, our layout and now need to find the object. Things are coming along.
Mental drama over Z - fear of rejection arise
Mar 13 eve
Did my Shoonya and Samyama. Feel clean and good.
Just had a 45 minutes phone call with S. Father, hearing S talked about her rship brought fear to me. We are so attached to our partner. Why is it us that have to beg for the rship to continue?
I told S, her solution is simple. She already knew she can't let go, so next step is to accept the rascal that's him.
Bit disturbed tonight. Also, the thunderbolt card I received is not helping. I just want the next 2 weeks to pass.
Thunderbolt
U might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever you can.
Soul
It has been awhile since I felt this fear. This fear of being rejected.
Just did my Osho rship card. Yea, must not let my old fear rule me. As long as I love me, I Am fine.
I called Z and the pressures is released. He was online but didn't pick up. At least I call. Mmm, the feeling of being unlovable has reduced. I can see he deliberately avoided my call. So, what. Me, just a missed call. Nothing compare to S's onslaught of messages. And there is no suffering. Some disappointment. Bit of sadness but I am fine.
Just focus on my breathing.
Just continue to build an altar. It will pass. Main thing is no suppression. Amen.
Father, suddenly a tot came on my new name. I was still hesitant. Yea, maybe time to do it. Tomorrow meeting website designer.
Mmm, don't have to wait till month end for the dismal hope to be dashed. It is dashed today. He is a tough case. Let me not be disappointed. Perhaps God has other plans for me. I will stay positive. Amen. I deliberately look at his pix and just feel my love for him.
Osho
Awareness is the purest energy ever known. The subtlest energy through yoga, through meditation is awareness, consciousness. So, when u r awaken totally, u r not aware of this awakening, u become aware of being blissful.
All intoxicants are harmful for the awareness body.
Soul
Kudos to me for not listening to my fear. I just play. No longer wants to listen to all the negative and judgmental tots about myself.
Bit sad now and feeling tired. Now going back to sleep. Amen.
Did my Shoonya and Samyama. Feel clean and good.
Just had a 45 minutes phone call with S. Father, hearing S talked about her rship brought fear to me. We are so attached to our partner. Why is it us that have to beg for the rship to continue?
I told S, her solution is simple. She already knew she can't let go, so next step is to accept the rascal that's him.
Bit disturbed tonight. Also, the thunderbolt card I received is not helping. I just want the next 2 weeks to pass.
Thunderbolt
U might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever you can.
Soul
It has been awhile since I felt this fear. This fear of being rejected.
Just did my Osho rship card. Yea, must not let my old fear rule me. As long as I love me, I Am fine.
I called Z and the pressures is released. He was online but didn't pick up. At least I call. Mmm, the feeling of being unlovable has reduced. I can see he deliberately avoided my call. So, what. Me, just a missed call. Nothing compare to S's onslaught of messages. And there is no suffering. Some disappointment. Bit of sadness but I am fine.
Just focus on my breathing.
Just continue to build an altar. It will pass. Main thing is no suppression. Amen.
Father, suddenly a tot came on my new name. I was still hesitant. Yea, maybe time to do it. Tomorrow meeting website designer.
Mmm, don't have to wait till month end for the dismal hope to be dashed. It is dashed today. He is a tough case. Let me not be disappointed. Perhaps God has other plans for me. I will stay positive. Amen. I deliberately look at his pix and just feel my love for him.
Osho
Awareness is the purest energy ever known. The subtlest energy through yoga, through meditation is awareness, consciousness. So, when u r awaken totally, u r not aware of this awakening, u become aware of being blissful.
All intoxicants are harmful for the awareness body.
Soul
Kudos to me for not listening to my fear. I just play. No longer wants to listen to all the negative and judgmental tots about myself.
Bit sad now and feeling tired. Now going back to sleep. Amen.
To live courageously
Mar 13
Woke up 4.30 am, body was fine. Was bit undecided to do asana or surya kriya. Since Surya is still new to me and I am not familiar yet. I decided on 3 cycles of Surya. It took me about 35 minutes. Breathing is deeper. And at the end of 3 cycles, I burst out laughing. Yea, great one.
Did my breathing meditation, just savouring it. Followed up by Shakti and Shambavi. Suka kriya was so calming. Surprisingly very little tots, evening Z. At the end of practice, I took some time and savour the contentment within. I guess I miss this moment. Previously I will just sit for 5 minutes cos no time. The main fun is the end. I will give myself time.
Had some tots of Z. I have done my part to open the bridge of communication. He is not taking the step. The mind said this shows Z truly don't want to speak to me. Well, he did come for meet. He did want to speak to me, but just not on us.
Father, let me take this period to go in deeper.
1. The issue
The rebel
People are very much afraid of those who know themselves. They have a certain power, a certain aura and a certain magnetism. They are the greatest stranger in the world.
The Rebel is really an emperor because he has broken the chains of society repressive conditioning and opinions. He has formed himself by embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky.
The rebel challenges is to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.
2. Internal influence
Participation
Make participation your lifestyle and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy.
Your participation will not only nourish u, but will also contribute something precious to the whole.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Patience
We have forgotten how to wait; it is almost an abandoned space. And it is our greatest treasure to be able to wait for the right moment.
This card remind us that now is a time when all that is required is simply to be alert, patient, waiting. Let nature takes its course.
Soul
I tot of Z. I have build the bridge. I can only wait for him to cross. Whatever will be, will be with us. What I can do is just to grow and love myself.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Thunderbolt
U might be feeling bit shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear.
Soul
Truly the end for Z and I. This month end is the final day. I have fulfilled my commitment. Bit scary after that. Z has been on my journey for two and half years. I have grown so much. Bit apprehensive.
But I also know I emerge from this stronger and lovelier.
5. Resolution
Sharing
The meditator finally reaches his heart. When he reach the third centre - suddenly an explosion of love, joy, compassion and blissfulness arisen in him with such force that it hits his heart and opens the heart.
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen that she can afford to give without keeping any inventories.
Everything seems to be coming together. Enjoy it, ground yourself in it and let the abundance in u and around u overflow.
Woke up 4.30 am, body was fine. Was bit undecided to do asana or surya kriya. Since Surya is still new to me and I am not familiar yet. I decided on 3 cycles of Surya. It took me about 35 minutes. Breathing is deeper. And at the end of 3 cycles, I burst out laughing. Yea, great one.
Did my breathing meditation, just savouring it. Followed up by Shakti and Shambavi. Suka kriya was so calming. Surprisingly very little tots, evening Z. At the end of practice, I took some time and savour the contentment within. I guess I miss this moment. Previously I will just sit for 5 minutes cos no time. The main fun is the end. I will give myself time.
Had some tots of Z. I have done my part to open the bridge of communication. He is not taking the step. The mind said this shows Z truly don't want to speak to me. Well, he did come for meet. He did want to speak to me, but just not on us.
Father, let me take this period to go in deeper.
1. The issue
The rebel
People are very much afraid of those who know themselves. They have a certain power, a certain aura and a certain magnetism. They are the greatest stranger in the world.
The Rebel is really an emperor because he has broken the chains of society repressive conditioning and opinions. He has formed himself by embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky.
The rebel challenges is to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.
2. Internal influence
Participation
Make participation your lifestyle and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy.
Your participation will not only nourish u, but will also contribute something precious to the whole.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Patience
We have forgotten how to wait; it is almost an abandoned space. And it is our greatest treasure to be able to wait for the right moment.
This card remind us that now is a time when all that is required is simply to be alert, patient, waiting. Let nature takes its course.
Soul
I tot of Z. I have build the bridge. I can only wait for him to cross. Whatever will be, will be with us. What I can do is just to grow and love myself.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Thunderbolt
U might be feeling bit shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath your feet. Your sense of security being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences. After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear.
Soul
Truly the end for Z and I. This month end is the final day. I have fulfilled my commitment. Bit scary after that. Z has been on my journey for two and half years. I have grown so much. Bit apprehensive.
But I also know I emerge from this stronger and lovelier.
5. Resolution
Sharing
The meditator finally reaches his heart. When he reach the third centre - suddenly an explosion of love, joy, compassion and blissfulness arisen in him with such force that it hits his heart and opens the heart.
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen that she can afford to give without keeping any inventories.
Everything seems to be coming together. Enjoy it, ground yourself in it and let the abundance in u and around u overflow.
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