Mar 17 eve
Father, I feel down today. Very restless. I tot I had overcomes my issue on communication. But the experiences with E and M tells me it is not so.
One thing I know is I can overreact. I get defensive and think the other person is trying to hurt me. Yea, forgot about using my sensitivity on them than on me.
Frankly I m not bothered about M but my ego is dented with Z non response. I blame myself. I judged myself. How is it my rship with Z can turn out this way. I felt ostracized. I felt abandoned. The Outsider card is coming out.
I am really glad that I managed to turn around cos I remember that I like E and he is not a bad guy. And tot that I may not have been clear. True enough, when I state my intention clearly, he responded.
I guess he too was like me. Both of us are defending and attacking. We forgot that we truly like each other.
On Z, I have done all that I could. Perhaps it is best that he avoids me so that I can let go of him, not prolonging it. He has already left. I recalled his card says he tend not to give a good ending. Let me not judge myself.
I also accept the lesson from M in communication with Feeler.
Sadhguru
We are always looking for something familiar. Only what agrees with ur sensibility, u have accept him. For a person on spiritual path, this is self defeating. U allow Krishna to disturb u, then u can grow.
The only way Krishna agrees with you, is to fall in love with him. There is no 'Wisdom' in love.
The same as if u are in love with everyone, then everyone is agreeable to you.
Soul
I tot of how to handle Z. Maybe this is the answer. Love him for his non-response.
Sadhguru
Why we face hardship?
Don't complain cos life is happening in great measure. It is because you identify what is good or bad to u. Life is happening but you are in identification. If you don't identify, u can just see life is happening intensely.
So, the whole work is to enjoy it. It is just a happening.
Look at life beyond your likes and dislikes. When u r going for spirituality. U r going for a larger slice of life. If u have any mental condition with has nothing to do with reality. All suffering is coming from that insanity.
U would have lived a more peaceful life if u r not spiritual. But u are also living a life that more lifeless. But nothing fundamental shaking within u. If u want to pass ur life in coma, that's ur choice. They won't do anything extra. They know that the comfort they are enjoying will go away. They know the smallest thing will upset their lives. Once u step into spiritual life, u must be willing to expose to all aspects of life. Let everything that is life happens to u.
Soul
Sadhguru always said about All Inclusiveness....then total acceptance.
I can see that in Pe not willing to change.
Sadhguru
U should only be looking at how intensely life is happening to u. Good or bad is not a life phenomena, it is just a social phenomena.
Life is happening in great measure. U r not limited by your product.
Spiritual people are in a big hurry. They want to handle one hundred in one lifetime. Naturally their life will happen in great intensity. If they just maintain this equanimity, they will see every event that happens in their life will always place them in a higher and higher position within themselves. If they don't see this and they get influenced by social situations around them, because of the pace of situations that is happening, it will totally ground them down. This is the reason, we said some meditators should not go into social events if they are easily influenced or pursuaded. Don't get into their kind of tots or opinions and u will think something is wrong in your life.
The moment u say u want to become spiritual, in a very deep sense, u r saying I want to end myself. Positive way, is seeking liberation, become boundless.
Once u expressed that wish, everything that needs to end you will happen. When u see ur life moving at a much faster space than ur neighbours life, I think some tragedy is happening to u. It is not so. It is just that your life going on a fast pace.
Soul
You truly answered my prayer. I was going into abandoned child mode. Feeling sorry for myself cos still have to go thru lessons when I passed through so many.
When I woke up from my afternoon nap, a tot came that Krishna life also go thru many challenges and he too has to strive. So, why not me then. And here the similar question arose. Thank you.
Father, I can see that Eight of Diamonds people are fixed to their values. They don't want to shfit from their comfort zone. I see this on Pe, SY and also WY and even LK. She too resisted to change her career until recently. Fear of losing her comfort zone. I guess to me, with my second karma card in Nine of Diamonds, I can shift better. And when I shift I embrace it totally. Just like my issue for meditation, food and clothes. And now working on my issue with volunteering. And true enough, I am now given double challenge. Not just self volunteering but also to face an extravert feeler, M.
He seems to share his plans easily with others but not me. Perhaps he is afraid I have too much information and will indirectly take the lead from him. So, best to kept me in the dark.
Mmmm, no wonder he complained about us not giving him access of communication to teacher. He viewed that as us holding the power base.
The only thing I tot of recently was the Maha email from teacher that I took charge and said to reply. And since I put it in Sathsang mail, I couldn't loop them in. Mmm, interesting.
At least I knew who M is sharing the info. I can get status update there.
Just read M's personality of ENFP. I am used to take charge. I have no qualms in giving feedback.
Mmmm, perfect lesson for me. I always tot the next lesson I need is to open my feelings. I now faced an extreme feeler who hates feedback. He takes it negatively and view the other person as control freak.
And of all of the Core team, I am even more controlling. Because I am not task orientated, I need to be kept informed of status update. But that's where he dislikes.
Interesting. A new lesson for my leadership skill in a volunteering environment.
Father, as I read thru ENFP, I can identify with it, especially when I felt I am under heavy attack or forced to attack. I think due to my Mercury in Cancer. I don't like to be made look like a nasty person. I want to keep harmony or rather I don't want to be out of emotional control.
Father, teaching M will help me. Let me rise to the occasion. Let me not judge him as I too have the underlying issue. I too have suppressed my anger out of need for approval.
I just shared this with P.
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