Gratefulness reflects the soul growing

Mar 4 eve
Father, just finished watching a clips of family having dinner. The chef was sharing he feels good to have his family, his mother, grandmother, his wife and children. Suddenly I tot of Z. I love him deeply. My love is inside me, he won't be able to feel it.

Osho
Indian seers feel grateful to that which gives us anything because the individual soul does not evolve in the absence of gratitude. All that is sublime in man grows with this feeling of gratitude. The more u feel grateful, the more ur soul grows.

Soul
This morning I was grateful for all the learnings I received from those I taught. Today, for the first time since the past twenty years, I wrote in neat handwriting, alphabet by alphabet.
Two persons I m teaching :
1. Anxious
2. Lack of focus.

I admit I can be excited when I m into something. And my mind talk so fast that my writing cannot cope, hence the scribble. Today managed to write a cheque and fill in a nomination form with neat handwriting.

Father, I m suppressing myself these few days. Part of me is hopeful of Z but logical part of me totally rebut it as there is absolutely no evidence that he is coming back to me. Even the part that is hopeful can't even hope that he wants a committed rship. So, really drama. I love him but I don't want to be just his lover, I want to be his wife. I don't want to settle for less.
A tot of S, I told her she deserved more. She need not go back to her ex boss for an insignificant slice. But today, I know why she go back. She cannot handle the stress, especially since she is a feeler. Me, a thinker also feel it. But I m to learn from her.

Osho
The feeling of gratitude is a basic quality of quality of a religious mind. It is through this  feeling of gratitude that one receives the divine grace.

Soul
I was comfortably having an altar of Z. But now that I might see him, drama comes in. Father, let me just pass thru this. I don't want to lose face anymore. Loving him quietly I can take. But seeing him is another matter. That's why I told Ad that I m not tested yet. That was 3 weeks ago. And now need to experience it. Worst still I need to be responsible and take charge of meet. Double whammy. Perhaps I can ask him not to come. I will lose face but easier on me. A tot came, u r trying to control situation again.
A tot came. Last time Z always tell me that he can't hear my calls cos he kept his phone away. Ever since he got his new phone, I can see he is always on it. I wonder whether he lied to me then or this is a changed behaviour. But I knew when he is with me, he kept his phone away.

Mmmm, no wonder Seven of Clubs in Saturn and Four of Hearts.  Never mind, another 14 days to go. Just let it be. I have experienced worse moments. This is nothing. At the most, there is hope. At the worst, status quo. Stay positive.

Seven of Diamonds and jack of Diamonds in Saturn in Ruling cards

7thunders
Success with the Seven of Diamonds requires that we carry on with our work and our life in spite of conditions that may be less than ideal. It also requires that we exhibit trust and faith that everything will be fine. The best tool at ur disposal to get the highest and best manifestation from this powerful spiritual influence.

Affirmation
I am learning to achieve fearlessness about my love life and to trust in the abundance of the universe.

Soul
Yea, next year I be in love. As I told J, it could be either Z or another new man. That remain to be seen.
This day till end 20th shall be over soon. Let me take the learnings from Z. He can't accept love. Let me able to give love, able to know I m cherished. Amen