Can I do without Z?..Am I still worthy??

Mar 25
Father, Surya kriya was good. Shakti and Shambavi were fine too. Finished my practices slightly earlier at 6.52 am. I took a slight doze and wake up 7.10 am.
When I woke up, one question in my mind. "I don't have Z. Does this means I m not worthy?" 

I have built a strong foundation for my career. I have a good salary. I negotiated for a 3 days job. I can do my hobby of writing for the other 2 days and I still have my weekend off. I have my yoga and practices. Yea, I have put on weight but it is ok. My RA is fine too. I do volunteering work at Isha. I found my inner joy, my inner bliss.
I am on track in having my inner practices.

Why do I still seek validation on having a partner? Aren't I enough?
Yea, reading my North node in Taurus makes me realised that my dream is to have a soul mate and yes, Z is my soul mate. I used to wonder the attraction but now I have checked our natal chart, I knew why. He is my mirror.

Father, I tot I love him because I have overcome my fear, have expanded and can now love unconditionally. But now I can see it is also my validation issue. If my love is unconditional for him, then my love for myself be unconditional too.
  Then without Z, I won't feel a sense of loss. He was not in me. He wasn't part of my career foundation. But he is my mirror. Because of his arrogance and absence, I found myself. But I need not behold to him. He didn't help me to grow. He was just a tool. I helped myself to grow cos I was not willing to suffer.
Father, I need you. Let me find out why I sought validation from a partner, especially one that has consistently told me nope. This is another door I got to open.