Relaxation - stay in the middle

Mar 26 aft 2

Father, my mind was swinging. Firstly asking me to go back to loving and holding Z. Then when I said nope, it swing to the other end of cutting out Z. Both also I am not keen. There is no need to cut Z as I love him and I m grateful for his presence in my life.

I wanted a break and went in to click on Osho transformation card. Then I pause as I already know what I want and decision is made. Yea, I m letting go and yea I still love him. There is no choices to be made here.  I love him and that's a fact. He doesn't want me in his life and that's a fact too. So, the choice is not to choose. I love him and I leave him.
But why my mind still hanker over the issue, pulling me left and right.

Whats is happening? Suddenly I clicked on today meditation card. Never tried this before. I got this card
Saraha and the arrow smith woman
Mind is so cunning that it can hide in the garments of its very opposite. From indulgence it can become asceticism, from being a materialist it can become a spiritualist, from being worldly it can become otherworldly.
But mind is mind - whether u r for the world or against the world u remain caged in the mind.
For and against, both are parts of the mind. When mind disappears, mind disappear in choiceless awareness.
When u stop choosing, when u r neither for nor against - that is stopping in the middle. If u don't choose, u r exactly in the middle. That is relaxation, that is rest.
U become choiceless, unobsessed and in that state of unobsessed, choiceless consciousness, intelligence arises which has been lying deep, dormant in your being. U become a light unto yourself.

Father, I suddenly burst out in joy. I love you. Thank you. I love him and I let him go. Neither listening to my inner Child nor my inner Parent, just be in the middle.

Ace of Spades
Traditional card for death, change and transformation. With this mystical in your spread, you will go through some sort of death and rebirth.

Soul
Yeap, right on the dot. Amen.