Mar 26 aft 2
Father, everything is coming together.
Every issues stem from the mind.
My current Osho book is talking about the mind. I receive The Mind card in the Osho rship cards which I resisted. The next day, my weekly card gives me:
1. The Issue
The Master
Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic, that is not given to you by the outside, and it is not an idea. The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is mind and disidentify from it. That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now u can do and act only that which makes you more joyous, fulfills u, gives you contentment, make your life a work of art.
Once your awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of your own destiny.
Soul
Alas, I got it.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Inner Voice
If u have found your truth within yourself there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you.
Then u live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself.
If the Inner Voice had a face, it would look alert, watchful and able to accept both the dark and light, symbolised by the two hands holding the crystal. The crystal itself represent the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.
Soul
Finally I can relate to this. I burst out into laughter when I realised I can do both, loving Z and leaving Z.
3. External influence of which u are aware
The outsider
Be a woman, stand on your own feet. The only way to connect to existence is to go inwards, because there at the centre, u r still connected. U have been disconnected from ur mother. That disconnection was necessary to make u an individual in ur own right. But u r not disconnected from the universe. Your connection from the universe is consciousness. U cannot see it, so u have to go deep down with great awareness, watchful, witnessing, and u will find the connection. The Buddha is the connector.
Soul
I used to see this as my curse. I was separated from my Mom when I was 2 years old and then had a brother (nine of hearts) who acted like my parents, always criticising me. Giving me the Do's and Don't as our parents doesn't like to 'parent' us as they believe in free will.
I grow up with neighbours and friends families and that's why I learned the need for validation from others. My existence depends on others. Making others happy. When they are happy, they give me good food.
But today, for the first time I see this as my birthright. It was meant to happen. To throw me into the darkness so that I undertake the inner journey to find the Light within me. For the first time I accepted my fate. I accepted myself. Tears suddenly came. I feel a sense of love for myself. I feel proud of myself for taking this journey. I finally love myself. I love both my weakness and strength, my darkness and light. My suffering is the thing that prod me into my journey. The continuous break up with Z had open me up for the past few months. I have come home. I finally come home. Amen.
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