A new beginning - learning to love myself

Mar 27
Wake up 4,30 am to do my practices. Had a dream but can't remember. Was bit groggy and good that now I shower first.
Asanas were fine. I now find myself able to bend further. Doing surya kriya helps to improve on my hata yoga asana.
Shakti was fine despite a bad flu. Shambavi was good, lovely  Suka kriya despite a blocked nose.
I saw some what'sapp msg with funny images and mind try to distract me that it could be Z. I ignored it and then say I still love Z and its goodbye. Tots settled. Now I will focus on new beginning whenever the sadness of ending arose.

I also realised that I now can have loving tots for myself. Previously I can only have loving tot for either A or Z. So, a great improvement. Maybe I have learned my Seven of Hearts lesson. Loving another unconditionally and hence can love myself too.

Today I tot I m glad for my sensitivity. There is no need to suppress it. It is not a weakness, its my strength if I use it properly.
Father, what a change. A new beginning. Father, I want to change my diet and reduce weight to 60k, a 3 kg drop. I have never been this heavy. Last few months of non stop comfort eating has taken its toll on me.
When I spoke to my ex boss J on my cholesterol level. She said just take the pill, what's life without meat. I don't agree with her. If we don't listen to our body's sign to stop, what can we listen to. I already eating RA pills which lower my immunity level. I don't need to add cholesterol pill. I will listen for my own good.

Father, now browsing thru north node in Taurus. One key point stand out is that I need to honour the expressed needs of myself and others. Valuing myself.

Father, from my Mom, I have learned that my needs are not important cos strong people can bear their unfulfilled needs, we must always help the others first. I used to dislike this and tot that's is a suffering policy. But I have taken it up internally. While the outer part of me resisted by displaying a dare devil attitude but inner me is greatly affected.
In reality I m an extremely caring person but I hide it. So, inside I create turmoil for myself. Worst still is that I m sensitive and pick up others energy level.
Thank God for giving me meditation tools.
Father, I must learn to give myself first and then I can give to others. I must first ask for what I want instead of suppressing it. It's true I got many blessing but that does not mean I cannot have more. I also need to change life is fair, win some lose some.
I will emulate Z mode of win win. Need to overcome my negative mode.

I already have this via South node in Scorpio
Self discipline
Choosing constructive change
Releasing whatever causes stagnation and low energy
Eliminating non useful possessions
Enjoying things without having to own them
Accepting support from others
Enjoying high risk situation that makes one feel alive
Awareness of others psychology
Openness to partnering, supporting and merging

Seven of Diamonds
Test our faith in the abundance of universe. By realising and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom

Soul
Yes.
Even receiving Seven, I m happy. I now can express the higher aspect.
Just now on the drive to work, I felt a sense of sweetness, a contentment. I suddenly exploded into giggles and laugh all the way.