My lesson..to be independently fulfilling myself

Mar 24 aft
North node in Taurus
In past lives, they became dependent on soul mate rship to provide that nurturing  energy in order to feel renewed and satisfied.
In this lifetime, whenever they depend on others to fill this needs, they feel let down. It's set up this way, because their lesson is to become independent in meeting their own needs.

Soul
No wonder, I m still single. Such irony, on the surface I seem to achieve that but not inside.

North node in Taurus
They must spend time doing things they consider to be important, as this will build the resources they need to experience life and relationships from a foundation of self sufficiency.

Soul
I m on the right track. On 3 days week. The off day spent on writing and updating blog. Just spending time alone on my own and feel contented. Others may scoff at me for letting go of money.
Who knows, because I don't have inner boundary, that's why I need much more external boundary to suffice me.
Maybe once I m ready with my own foundation, I can then have a good rship, one that is mutually respectful.

With Z, it was one sided, with me giving all as he can't give. We also have issue in money approach that we didn't thrash out. But I was wiling to risk my financial security cos I needed him and I can see financial is not emotional security.  We also have issue in children which he wants and I don't cos it will take away my personal pampering time but I was willing to give in. Luckily I m too old to have children. We also have issue in him wanting a maternal wife like his mother.  Father, perhaps it is too much for me since my North node in Taurus is aimed for comforts.

North node in Taurus
They are born looking for their soul mates. They can be promiscuous in thirst youth. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on bonding and more on building their own values - then they will attract the right mate.

Soul
Yes, I was capable and was heading towards promiscuity if not for the childhood experience that blocked the sensual part of me. 

North node in Taurus
From past lives, these folks are accustomed to giving everything and having the other person reciprocate. But in this incarnation, much to their surprise, it's not in their charts for others to take care of them in the same co-dependent way. This is the universe's way of helping them break abusive co-dependency and learned to be more self-contained.

Soul
I have given in to Z since day one, hoping he will turn around. I overcome my fear for need of financial security in my partner. I was prepared to have children eventhough I don't really want to. I was prepared to give away some yoga practices time. And in the end, I given even my inner thoughts, my blog; but still he didn't turn around.
While I read his natal chart on lunar in Leo, about him cannot accept love. But I now see the other side, it's about me stop giving in everything to others.

North node in Taurus
Deep in their heart, more than anything in the world, they want a soul mate - that special person to travel through life in a state of mutual vulnerability, commitment and empowerment. To have this dream come true, they need first to experience being complete within themselves. When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole, only then they will attract the right partner.

They can feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching for their mate. They long for comfort of consistent, dependable companionship and in this lifetime where loyal companionship is their birthright. But as with everything else in this incarnation, they must earn it. As they work to experience their wholeness and direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can then merge with another powerful river that is going in the same direction, and together they can flow to the sea.

Soul
I feel complete during meditation. I can experience joyful releases irrespective of my external circumstances. I now know I can experience blissful physical release on my own. I have my own financial security and now learning to create my own site for sharing my experiences. I have the luck and financial prosperity of able to work in a 3 days week work.
I m actually coming together. For the first time, I m becoming whole even though Z is not with me. There is hope for me. Amen.