Didn't die of embarrasment or sorrow from rejection

Jan 8 aft
This morning, checked Osho tarot, I draw the Guilt card. Feeling bit foolish.

Father, its nearly 6 hours since the conversation with Y.
Mostly ego is dented..feel a bit embarrased.
But towards lunch hour, after a good tiramisu, my mood recovers.
Tot of me and Y and I just smile.
The thing is I always know Y and I can be true friends.
I am not sure why...but I know I am fine with him.
And this morning our conversation actually ended quite well..
Only thing I was puzzled was why his message that it will be difficult for me that he is away in overseas.
If we are only friends, why would it be difficult...
And if we are only friends, why go through the trouble of sending me all the four pix and giving such a complex "no". I even asked him if he wanted me to move on and he said nope. All this points to he wanted us to stay on...
Not sure..but I deleted the whatsapp messages...not keen to dwell on it.

Did a relationship card on Tarot.
Bit puzzled on the cards.
1) Me - Travelling
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much.- journey is the key; not the goal.

Soul
I can relate to this..me moving on..
Like G said, Y is needed for the journey to let me go of Z.

2) Him - Abundance
In one hand he holds a lotus, showing that he respects and contains within himself the grace of the feminine. His exposed chest (an open heart) and relaxed belly show that he is at home with his masculinity as well, utterly self-contained. The four elements of earth, fire, water and sky all conjunct at the King of Rainbows who sits atop the book of the wisdom of life.  For a man, this card represents a time of breaking through the conventional male stereotypes and allowing the fullness of the whole human being to shine forth.

Soul
Well, he was feeling great today.

3) Composite Energy
Beyond Illusion
The butterfly in this card represents the outer, that which is constantly moving and that which is not real but an illusion. Behind the butterfly is the face of consciousness, looking inward to that which is eternal. The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness. Through the rising of the inner sun, meditation is born. The card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on the external, we too often get caught up in judgments – this is good, this is bad, I want this, I don't want that. These judgments keep us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns. Drop your opinionated mind, and move inside. There, you can relax into your own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known

4) Insight
Sharing
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give. It doesn't even occur to her to take inventories or to put something aside for later. She dispenses her treasures without limits, welcoming all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and light that surrounds her. When you draw this card, it suggests that you too are in a situation where you have an opportunity to share your love, your joy and your laughter. And in sharing, you find that you feel even more full. There is no need to go anywhere or to make any special effort. You find that you can enjoy sensuality without possessiveness or attachment, can give birth to a child or to a new project with an equal sense of creativity fulfilled. Everything around you seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground yourself in it, and let the abundance in you and around you overflow

Soul
This is the card that I frequently draw with him.
And despite the disappointing news that we are not on; but I am still on with him.
I still like him...and I know we be great friends..camadarie...
I may be speaking from ego...but I am really good for him...he doesn't know it...
And we are great together..albeit he is totally oblivous...


Today I got Ten of Diamonds..
My Daily Card
The Ten of Diamonds
The Ten of Diamonds is a card of financial success and is considered to be the best money card to have in your yearly spread. Success in dealing with groups of people in some financial way is also indicated.
Essentially the Ten of Diamonds means a large sum of money and infatuation or obsession with money. It doesn't always mean that you will receive large sums of money. Sometimes it can merely mean a preoccupation with finances. However, when the Ten of Diamonds falls in Jupiter or as the year's Result Card, the chances are much greater that a huge financial gain is forthcoming.

Today is Mars Day.
Father, my values of myself is intact.
I am proud of myself.
And for once..I don't see that I am unlovable.
Infact I know I m lovable cos Y doesn't want to lose me as a friend...

Soul
This morning draw Osho tarot Guilt card.
And now draw Osho tarot Sorrow card.
Looks like sadness is inside...Go in...