Osho - the greater the ego, the greater the sorrow

Jan 16 aft
Feeling bit of uncertainty. Not sure today and so checked my card. Three of Clubs in Jupiter. Just want to let Y know about my dad.
But not sure. So just did Osho tarot for the day - Harmony - follow ur heart at all costs. Be simple. So I just messaged him la. No response.

Me okay cos can see he hasn't check message yet. So wait la. Just as I didn't die when Z left; so I wouldn't also on Y. But for now I asked for what I want. Just follow my heart. Once and for all end this Seven of Hearts. I didn't ask for Y but I admit I felt the attraction the first time. But now I have fallen for this lion. It is just attraction I would be off. But I have fallen so I stay put. Meanwhile continue to be with Linga. Read the Mirror card and saw that we need to pass over Breakthrough card before we can have Harmony.
In Breakthrough; its dark night of the soul. When the dawn is near, the night gets darker.

This is my Jupiter period so follow it. Focus on what I want. Forget about the costs. For the first time in my life I ignored the costs and focus on what I want. Just remembering that day the three of them together and still I choose Y. I know I want him. Whether we be or not is not my call. But what matters is I focus on what I want and have faith.

Life love and laughter
U cannot go beyond sorrow. There is a transcendence but u cannot go; u will have to drop it before it happens. Yes, there is state of sorrowlessness, but u cannot enter into it; u will have to drop out of it.
Something within u will enter but not u. Something within u will go into the land of no sorrow but not u: u are the sorrow.
The greater the ego, the greater the sorrow it creates. It hurts - it's like a wound. The lesser the ego, the less it hurts - the wound is healed.
When there is no ego, it hurts not at all. Even if somebody insults u, it does not hurt, because u are not - how can he insult you?
The insult hits only when the wound exists - u are defeated because u wanted to be victorious. If the ego is not, what is the difference between victory and defeat? What is the difference between success and failure? 
All distinction are created by ego. Whenever ego feels fulfilled, it is success, victory. When ego feels unfulfilled, it a failure, defeat.
When there is no ego, u simply live without success, without failure. U simply live ... and that simple life is the religious life.

Soul
The other day L yelled at me to shut up. At first I felt embarrassed and then bit piss off. Half an hour later I was fine and able to speak to her naturally.
When I found out that I misunderstood Y. It was embarrassing and sad but I was not too bad.
Now can still message him despite me fallen for him and him not wanting me.
This is a new period for me.

Simple life. Mmm the message same as the Harmony card. Follow ur heart. Be simple. Don't be complex. Be simple costs u everything.

Life love and laughter
Those four steps of living rightly.
1. Be herenow
2. Learn to transform ur poisons into honey
3. Share ur positivity and
4. Be nothing

If u live rightly, in twenty four hours u will cross many times to this shore from that, from that to this, from this to that - many times God will penetrate u, radiate within u.
Live in the world but don't allow the world to live in u.
Be skillful.
Love, but don't allow ur love to become lust. Love but don't allow ur love to become attachment. Love but don't allow ur love to become dependence, a slavery. And then .... then love tremendously. Then there is no fear. And loving, u will be able to cross to the other shore without difficulty.

Soul
It's like I want Y but I need not let myself be sad that Y doesn't want me. I need not be embarrassed that I still want him despite his avoidance.

Life love laughter.
Don't escape anywhere because this life is God.
If u are escaping from life u are escaping from God himself - from the very opportunity where he was available. Don't escape anywhere. Rather than putting effort into escaping, put more effort into becoming aware. That will be the real escape: without escaping anywhere, u will create a cave in ur heart ... and you will start living there.

Soul
Amen.


 Jan 16 eve
Y replied my message very late. Actually I realised I m in his priority list. A smile came, very positive.

Miss him but just want to be alone.

When I read Osho this afternoon a tot came on why I have to face both Z and Y. In normal circumstances, the exes won't be in the same vicinity. In my case it is, God must think I m great. It takes loads to go beyond instead of escaping. Truly not sure why. For now stay put. No rush.