Too much self control blocked my own energy from flowing...Rheumatoid Arthritis

Jan 17
Woke up at alarm at 7 am. Feel tired cos had cough medicine. Really not good for body. Doze a bit and wake up before 7.30 am.
Sang guru pooja and dance bit.

Jan 17 eve

This morning the practice session was so sweet..
I didn't think but just want to share with Y and message him.
As expected no response..but I am okay....not sad..
Just letting myself be.
I just want to be myself....and he can be him...

Just checked my card
My Daily Card
The Seven of Hearts

The Seven of Hearts indicates that whatever time this card appears could be marked by many challenges in love and feelings in your close relationships. The Seven of Hearts can manifest as betrayal by those we love. In any case, we will be tested to see just how attached we are to others being a certain way.

Seven, being a highly spiritual number, promises success in love if you try a new approach and adopt a more selfless or unattached attitude. If we can allow others to be who they are and not place so many demands upon them, we not only become more aware of their true personalities, but also we allow ourselves the freedom to be just who we are and experience just how it feels to be free of fear and attachment. Many high spiritual experiences have occurred while a seven was present.

Today is a Saturn card...
No more...I gone beyond my Seven of Hearts.
Who he is, is up to him...
But who I am...is my choice..
No longer afraid to express myself...no longer afraid of 'rejection'...
It is their inability to respond to my love...and not a reflection of my unlovability..
Alas,...freed of notion of unlovability.
I know Sadhguru loves me..that I know for sure...
I am slowly but surely kwowing God loves me too...

I think my Soul comes here for a reason.....and it choose so many Sevens to be overcome...Something great with my Soul.

Eventhough Y didn't respond but I still care and want to know if got the mail. So I message him...
No longer..worried about anybody's no response...


Just picked my Osho tarot card today.
Flowering
"Zen wants you living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely – not at the minimum as Christianity wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry – not only to the friends but to the strangers too. This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond." Osho
You might feel like a garden of flowers right now, showered with blessings from everywhere. Welcome the bees, invite the birds to drink your nectar. Spread your joy around for all to share.

Soul
Amen

Finally understood my Fighting card. It goes together with the Seven of Hearts. Self sabotage...

What to do?
Fighting
An explosive temper or a smoldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with armor we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need. If this description seems to fit you, it's time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to you if you just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself; you're worth it.



Resolution - Breakthrough
 The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination. All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself. If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this breakthrough can bring to your life.

 Jan 24
 As I read Fighting suddenly tot of those people like L, S and P, ex-boss...
All of them display this...In their case they lash out..whereas in my case, I cover my wound and control myself from feeling the wound, hiding it.