Finally release my tears over Y

Dec 29
It was a bad night. Couldn't get to sleep as coughing keeps on happening whenever I lie down. I think i slept close to 1 am. And woke up middle of the night.
When the alarm rang at 6.30 am I was too tired. Just let it snooze and wake up at 6.45 am.
Light up the candle for the shrine. Even if I m not doing the guru pooja, the masters need an ethereal space too.

With the pre-sleep Samyama body was good. Went for my Sunday walk. Walk cum run there cycle. Quite exhilarating. Of course breathing was harder but glad to be able to run.

Got this from Facebook. That's my mantra now. To ask for What I want.
I am grown-up and comfortable enough to ask for what I want in positive ways.—Louise Hay -

Had my physical release in nearly 3 weeks. Those time spent with Y, somehow didn't think of it. But now that I no longer be with him, I needed my release. It was a quick one with him in my mind. After the laughter I cried. I cried cos I miss him. I cried cos I know we be good together. Yes, feel much better after the cries.

It had been quite awhile since I cried. The last time was a few months back over Z. Alas now on another person, Y.

Anyway, it's proven that I got attached to Y and the comfort  line been crossed. I can no longer reach out to him. This is the cooling period until either one of us got hitched; which I hope is soon. His will happen sometimes in May to Jun next year. Mine will happen before I go to Kailash in August.

No more looking for challenges in romantic relationships. No more creating failures in making me feel bad. When I was doing my morning walk, my mantra is let go as there are many fishes in the market. Linga will get me the right one.

Did my afternoon Shoonya. Went in deep. Thanks to my sadhana hall; a place of sanctuary.

Coincidentally today Neptune card is Nine of Diamonds.
My Daily Card
The Nine of Diamonds
The Nine of Diamonds is often associated with financial losses of one kind or another but its true meaning is that of a completion in regards to some values that we have been holding. For this reason, it could be an indicator of the ending of a certain kind of work that you have been doing for a long time, or the ending of a certain pursuit. This could be the pursuit of some financial goal, some relationship, or some other 'thing' that is valued.

When money does seem to be lost under the Nine of Diamonds, keep in mind that this is just the preparation for a new cycle of incoming money. Sometimes we need to spend some money to stimulate more to come in.

Soul
True, my relationship with Y has ended.
Not fair to continue something when I have some romantic feelings for him.
Just need to let go of Y so my right partner can come in.

My 52-Day Period Card
The Ace of Spades

The Ace of Spades means a SECRET of some kind. This card was the emblem for many of the secret societies of old, being the 'key to the mysteries'. As such, it represents the 'truth that lies behind the veil of illusion'. So, it has often been the symbol for the study and pursuit of esoteric knowledge and mystical wisdoms.
The Ace of Spades is also one of the traditional cards for death, change and transformation. With this mystical card in your spread, it is certain that you will go through some sort of death and rebirth, or at the least, some important and powerful changes.

Soul
True...I am finally dying to the need to have challenges in romantic relationships.
Yesterday this card came on Y and today its the letting go of Y under Nine of Diamonds.