Pluto in Virgo in 4th house - transform subsconscious and behaviour pattern

Jan 20
Woke up around 4 am but just want to doze. Finally woke up upon alarm at 4.50 am.

Tot of Y. Then I recalled when I fall for A many years ago and it took me like 1 and half years to finally tell him and it was no go. All the time wasted on my side.
Then with Z I took the plunge once he called me and now Y I just told him within one month after I fall although we know each other about 2 months That's the transformation.

Spiritual astrology by Jan Spiller
Pluto in Virgo in 4th house
Fearlessness and charisma results when u go beyond ur greatest fears, surrendering to ur sensitivity. In revealing what u are feeling - in spite of fearing the consequences - u undergo a transformation of feelings. This allows a truer alignment with ur deepest sensitivities.
In sharing response and deep perception of others feelings, u may experience a temporary invalidation from those who are closest. A purge of both ur insecurities and theirs can follow.

Soul
Now I experienced invalidation from Y.
Mmm, just stay with it.
I need to know I m fine with invalidation. It is not just my insecurities but theirs too. Me to work on being fine with invalidation/rejection so I got to hold back. They to address their own. Whether they succeed or not is not my call but whether I succeed or not is my call.

Father. With me being afraid of invalidation from personal and romantic relationships I would never grow, never be authentic. Mmm, never be true leader. Need to check further on this. Aiyah, Z was my Saturn and Y was my Pluto.

-- Gargatholil                                     
Pluto in the Fourth House

                        Your Experience of Transformation through Crisis Is Focused on Rootedness
      With Pluto in the Fourth House, the energies symbolized by Pluto will act to transform your psychological foundations and your fundamental underpinnings.  Typically, such transformations will involve your relationships with your family, cultural context, conditioning and inherited belief system.  Pluto in the Fourth House may also symbolize crisis issues involving protection, security and the home.  At a deeper level, Pluto in the Fourth House is associated with a drive for you to transform your subconscious and entire behavior pattern.

      You are likely to experience a stormy or violent separation from your roots.  The period of adolescence, when the individual is naturally separating him/herself from the identity of family and parental influence, is an especially vulnerable time for you.  You may feel as if you need to destroy all links with the past and with your upbringing.  This reflects a compulsion to demolish the edifice of your conditioning, thus transforming the essential foundation of the expression of your personality.  You are likely to perceive your family circumstances and upbringing as outmoded, inhibiting and even negative in character.

      It is common for you and your parents (and/or parental authority figures) to become polarized.  After you have established your own fundamental identity, this polarization can return to balance.  If this result is not achieved, the polarization may become permanent, manifested either as alienation or as parental domination if you are too weak to assert your own identity.

      Your rejection of family influence may become broader, resulting in a rejection of the beliefs, value systems and the legitimacy of the culture into which you have been born. You may develop a profound skepticism towards what others accept as given, only retaining those cultural conventions which you, upon examination, find to be real and true.

      You can often see through sham and illusion to the roots or essence of things.  This makes it very difficult for anything which has lost its purpose and is simply being supported by tradition to stand up to your scrutiny.  It is important for you to get beyond the automatic rejection of the past and your heritage and to rediscover what is valuable in your culture and family upbringing.

      You are likely to be particularly sensitive to behavioral conditioning.  You can usually see through attempts to manipulate and condition (e.g. advertising, mass media) and insulate yourself against it.  You will tend to view any type of conditioning as something negative, although you may be compulsively driven by your past conditioning.  You may find yourself going through crisis in order to break old habits and decondition yourself.

      Your psychological crises are also likely to involve a plunging into your subconscious.  You may struggle to purify your subconscious and you may spend a good deal of time "fighting demons" within yourself.  If you are psychologically weak or prone to depression, these demons may overcome you from time to time.  You may also feel perpetually unworthy or impure, for, when one impurity has been resurrected and destroyed, it seems there is always another to take its place.  If you are not in touch with your own psychological landscape, besides compulsive-obsessive disorders and other mental illnesses, you may find that sudden and destructive events involving home and family periodically afflict you.

Transcendent Potential

      You can realize the transcendent potential of Pluto in the Fourth House when you completely transform yourself from your foundation upward.  With little in the way of support or encouragement, you may bootstrap your consciousness and character to a higher level of consciousness.  You then overcome any false spiritual pride in the realization that you have never been alone in this struggle but that an Inner Power has supported you and still does so.  You develop a profound sensitivity to Truth and you learn to act in accordance with this Truth.  This requires a complete mental deconditioning and the resulting experience of the highest freedom--the freedom to act within the Higher Will.  The alchemy of suffering breeds compassion in your breast.  You learn to tenderly embrace what others hold dear and to "suffer the little children."  Your foundation having been transformed, after this struggle, you quickly ascend to the heights of consciousness.

Insecurity

      If you are inwardly insecure, you will feel threatened at the very center of your ego's foundation. You psychologically circle the wagons and defend yourself against the onslaught from the unknown.  One defensive measure is to raise your level of attachment to those things which give your ego definition and security--family, tradition, home and homeland.  The more your subconscious tries to shake these foundations away from you, the more you cling to them.  Obsession, compulsion, mania, or at least an unreasonable preoccupation with these Fourth House matters is the result.

      You consider home and family to be your power-base and you are bound to protect these security-providers at all cost.  You are likely also to defend tradition and country as appendages of your ego.  You are likely to establish yourself in a patri/matriarchal position in your home, controlling and even brutalizing other family members in order to safeguard the security of your ego.  However, if your character is weak, prone to addictive behavior or perverse, you may gain a sense of security by being a victim of a brutalizing domestic situation.

Your Experience of Crisis and Transformation

      With Pluto in the Fourth House, the crisis producing and transformative energies of Pluto will act within the context of your home and family life.  In a broader sense, any arena which provides you with protection and security may be vulnerable to crisis and disruption.  Such crises may spring from subconscious motivations or may affect your subconscious, resulting in a psychological crisis.

      When crisis results in transformation, you may find your outlook toward family and tradition profoundly altered.  After a peak crisis, you may feel that your whole essence has been fundamentally changed and that your sense of personal security is no longer dependent upon external nurturing but is rooted in your own sense of Truth.  If you are unable to undergo internal transformation, there is a danger that destructive changes will occur within your family and home environment.

Focus of Your Power Drive

      You will tend to focus your drive for power in your home, within or through your family or by mobilizing symbols of security such as tradition and homeland.  You tend to associate power with preserving personal and emotional security; it is likely to be defensive in nature.  At a higher level, you see power as derived from within, based on a  strong personal foundation.  You are likely to experience a higher Inner Power supportive.  The image of Jesus (or any Holy Being) as a Rock is suggested by this placement.

Focus of Your Sexuality and Intimacy

      Unless Pluto is expressing itself in rebellion against hypocrisy and sham, your sexuality is likely to be traditionally and conservatively expressed.  It is likely to be bound by the commitment and responsibility of family, and, therefore, Pluto in the Fourth House suggests fidelity (except when inner crisis bursts all bounds).  You may feel that your sexuality is fundamental to your personhood.  Sexuality may also be a strong theme in your experience of the subconscious.

Your personality may also manifest undertones of Pluto aspecting the Moon.