Dreaming of Y

Jan 5

Lovely time in the park. The grass were so lovely, so green. Today I run partially on the 3 cycles. For one of the cycle I ran further about 100 m and another cycle I ran about 200 m. Feels exhilarating. I can actually run.

Today told mom about my trip to Kailash. No resistance from her.

Tot of Y. Truly meant for me. A western mind and yet traditional values. That's me and I tot there is no more. Actually I like his gentleman ways. When I first started dating, all the guys said I m too old fashioned cos I didn't give them opportunity to touch me. Some even give up on me. Later, I open up and let them touch me cos I tot that was expected. With Z, he is very physical since day one.
Now with Y, truly a gentleman. Yes, he truly agrees with me.

Today thinking of Y. Tot ours is a win win relationship. He is not into 'night life' and gals his age into it. Me was never into night life. So we are compatible. Tot of me elevating his social status. Father, ours truly a win win.
I first fall in love with Z when he shared about his loyalty to his ex wife when she was unfaithful to him. I fall in love with his loyalty. Then we become physical and I fall in love with his patience on my inexperience.
Later knowing I knew it is not loyalty nor love but it's the social stigma of being a divorcee. Later I knew his values in life differs from me especially with money and enjoyment of life.

With Y I call for him when he asked me about how I feel inside during the public talk. I felt I matter. So with Y I fall because of how he respond to me. Later I found our values are the same in terms of money and enjoyment in life.

Woke up from a nap. Had a dream on Y. He asked us to defer payment of program as his bank got issue in transfer. I offer to help him to pay first.