My compulsion is on having valuation

Dec 27 aft 1
Queen and Ace of Diamonds - all about valuation.

Soul
As I was browsing and updating my blog. I realised my compulsion in life is about valuation.
Creating and enhancing my valuation.
It used to be career and food.
I didn't use relationships back then cos failure rate was high back then.
Also, I find that it is not easy to get valuable partner.
Then I let go of valuation in career and start to find valuation in partner.
But I failed.
Then now let gof of valuation in food...
So, again got back to finding valuation in romantic relationships...

It is all about valuation...
And the worst is, if the relationships is challenging, the values increased...which is detrimental...

Woke up from nap and suddenly occur to me Y is going into his silence mode as preparation for his Samyama. He did message me on that yesterday but forgot to tell me he is opting for that. Never mind leave him alone.

Women Food and God
The moment u distinguish between acting out the impulse to move away from the present moment by starving or stuffing and the awareness of the impulse to move away, u are no longer captive to ur past.
Awareness and compulsion cannot coexist, since the latter depends on the obliteration of the former.

Freedom from obsession is not about something u do; its about knowing who you are. It's about recognising what sustains you and what exhausts u. What you love and what u think u love because u can't have it.

Soul
Mmm, similar to me going for challenging relationship so that valuation increase. The more difficult to have; the more valuable it is. 

Jan 3
Now  I know that may no be true..I actually avoid challenging relationships...
I didn't seek them..it came..
And I got stuck in the negative mode..instead of going beyond..
Actually thats how to tackle Seven of Clubs and Seven of Spades