Father, looks like P really had slighted many people. I told her earlier that her outburst makes people feel small. And true enough, M also told me that P outburst belittle him.
Father, my issue of valuation had the potential impact of inadvertently making people small in my perception. But the people doesn't know it..guess thats why I seldom have respect for others.
But I do. Me helping P is helping myself. She was just an extreme case. Mmm, why I didn't see that previously. Yea, I had Neptune rship card. Father, let me see her in loving way. Let me see her as important. I don't want to see her as liability. She just doesn't have diplomacy skill, just as I don't have execution skills.
M said he is glad to hear that I need people. He has many. He is happy that I m back in the fold. I told him I don't enjoy volunteering, just like I don't enjoy Indian food or vegetarian or Indian clothes. But when I in, I am truly in. From unable to wear Indian clothes, it has now become my main clothes even for office. From unable to eat Indian food, I can now enjoy it and introduces my family.
Just now the guru pooja for the Devi was amazing. I fell into meditation mode quite suddenly. Despite the heat, loud music and big crowd, I was in meditation, giggling, dancing and in silence. Such joy and contentment. I was truly surprised. I even had a tot that I can follow Z to all these types of poojas; great opportunity to be in energetic space for meditation.
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