Need to let go of my armour....just feel...

Feb 6 afternoon

Was picking this up when reading my notes.

7thunder
Saturn (Lord of Karma / Great Father)
It is not until we know what it is like to be the giver and receiver of our actions that we are ready to move on to the next step in our evolution.
Saturn represents the conscious awareness of how we are affecting those in our environment by our actions and deeds.
If we are conscious of this, Saturn rewards us with a good reputation and recognition from others.
Saturn will be a reminder to the other of how they could be doing things better in their life.
Other connection, such as Venus, Moon or Jupiter could cause them to tell me these shoulds in a loving manner that would be easier to digest. Saturn is a reminder of some of our shortcomings.
In extreme cases, a Saturn person can be cruel, judgemental, harsh, cold and even verbally and physically abusive.

We always attract what we are inside. If inside myself, I already feel judgmental and harsh on myself, then I will attract someone who personifies this. Many people who are in Saturn rship are those who are very hard on themselves already.

Not all Saturn rships are harsh and cruel. Many can be quite constructive and productive. There are cases where the Saturn rship provides just what is needed for an individual to achieve his or her goals and ambitions. However it requires utmost in patience and shelf honesty to handle it in a positive way.

All Saturn rships have a positive effect ultimately. All of them teach us something about being fair, loving ourselves, becoming more responsible, and adult-like, and self-disciplined. Therefore, we should not always frown when we see that we have a Saturn connection as there may be some very good things in store for us.

Soul
I suddenly realised my Seven of Clubs in Saturn and Seven of Spades in Cosmic Lesson. Just like I said Z is extreme. The same Mz via Nine of Diamonds is extreme too.
I am extreme by my negative thinking, resulting in me activating my Nine of Diamonds into action. I can forget Z, but my mode is suppression and hence energy is blocked.
S said normal process is takes 6 months to let go of your lover and here I expect to be done in 2 months….in fact my aim was 1 month as I let go of my first crush in 2 weeks time.

Alas, I can now see how extreme I am in protecting myself. I really had a great armour as I got very high defense mechanism