Pink Iphone cover - my sensitive self coming out

 20 Feb

Father, today I woke up before the alarm at 7pm. I  guess I must have been tired.
Did my asana, not great as I have stopped for one week. Not sure why, I can't seem to visualise subtle body when doing asana, as compared to Suria Namaskara.
Breathing meditation was great.

Afternoon
Was communicating via mails and phone on Isha matters. Took charge and gave input on some matters. Actually P's reaction was a call for help. I told her that I was still on low profile and K be giving birth soon and  C is not available too. So, everything seems to fall on her shoulder. Yesterday we said P can take a break too, but in reality, she can't because both C and me also has not show her that we be there to support.  Worst still C had said she can't do it. And P can't ask me cos I had said no too.

Did my Shoonya and Samyama just now. Went in deep, I was crying and laughing loads. I even sing. I am so thankful for Sadhguru's tools.
Father, thanks for your guidance.

Seven of Clubs in Destiny was a lift in my consciousness. With the help of Spiritual Astrology book by Jan Spiller, I felt I come home to myself. Hence the Four of Hearts in second card. Also, the relationship among four of us had strengthen.
Ruling card is Seven of Diamonds and Jack of Diamonds in Result card. Yes, the last one month has been me trying to find an answer of how to go on. Just loving him, give him an altar. What he wants to be with me is up to him. Amen.

Saturn period is up to 20th March, but I know I learned my lesson. My lesson is to allow my vulnerability to come out, to give space for the expression of my emotion, matter what's the outcome.
Father, today I accepted a purchase of a pink cover. My first tot was that this show feminine, which is not my normal me. Then a smaller voice came, the real you is a sensitive woman with deep emotions.
That's why I got so much to write. I needed an outlet for all my suppressed emotion. So, I bought the pink cover despite my initial resistance. As I was looking at my pyjamas which I purchased recently, I realised it is also a deep pink. I guess I am now willing to show up.

S just called me. She went back to her old boss and even met up with his family. Now I know why she didn't call me for the past one month. She didn't want me to know, as she knew I won't approve. Anyway, I told her its up to her.  But she is already 41 years old, not much time left. Why want to continue wasting her love for someone that she can't have. Mmm, that's me too. I am 46 years old but still loving Z despite knowing it is unrequited. But in my case, I guess I am luckier as Z was kind enough to let me go.

Father, I love Z but is a love that I felt for A previously. I let go of A and in time I let go of Z too.
I finally compiled my ebook volume 3 today. Now just need to review and put into typeset mode.
A coincidence, once I m ready to let go, the ebook materialised. There is a connection.

I am ready for a change.  10 March is Mahashivarathri cum Sathsang and that is a day of full elevation. Coincidentally, my Uranus card from 21 march to 12 May is a period of change. By then, my website will be ready.

Uranus period.
Destiny is Five of Diamonds with Queen of Spade.
Ruling is Seven of Clubs with Five of Diamonds.

Five of Diamonds is changes in values, occupation or business travel. At it deepest level, it is about change in values. If our values, or what we really want from life, changes, it is likely that many other changes will occur at the same time.
It also represents an evolution from security to adventure, a branching out into new directions to claim more territory and gather new experiences.

Five of Diamonds in Uranus is a strong influence for a change that is unexpected. The unexpected is bound to happen. I can only think of website and perhaps taking bigger role in Isha as May is the IE period. Of course, a tot came, a hope for Z. I had to be realistic. We did break up in mid September and it is highly possible that his marriage is real. I can't say he is Good but he is a Gentleman.