Sharing...reduce my joints stiffness

Jan 30
Father, woke up before alarm cos feeling hot. Took a shower and start my practices.
Asanas were fine. Shakti with slowed down kapala bhakti was good. Shambavi was good with suka kriya. Key point is not to use the nose, use body, then nose just become a channel. I m really glad now shower first. Had some happy tots of Z, but its over.

I can remove the threads from Pancha Bhuta and Linga. But surprisingly, I didn't. When I first saw the threads and have to wear it for 48 days, I had some resistance. But I just proceed and now period is over, but I m reluctant to take it out.

Osho
1. Issue
Breakthrough
Going through breakdown consciously is the greatest adventure and risk. There is no guarantee.
But without facing this danger, nobody has ever become integrated.

Soul
True. I took a risk with Z when I enter into the rship. I took a risk declaring my blog to him. Alas, the ending may not be what I hoped but I definitely becomes more whole, discovering and accepting myself.

Just text my web designer for a meet up.

Mmm, my joints is better today. Everytime I shared myself, I become better. It is such a coincidence that K is a Cancer who has gout problem. Me, a suppressed Cancer with Rheumatiod Arthritis. K is also a Seven of Clubs, my Saturn card these 52 days. I be learning from him. If I didn't share with him the natal chart, I wouldn't have known. So, giving is receiving.

2. Internal influence
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen on its own.
Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is beautiful too.


Soul
Not sure, still missing Z. But I know I grown more lovelier with meditation. I stayed youthful. I can pass 10 years off my age.
I m lovely, courageous and joyful.
But while I miss Z, I no longer yearns for him as the pain is now equivalent to pleasure. I want my husband to be someone who wants to grow with me. Not someone who can grow but doesn't want to.

On S, no response from my overtures. She is probably moved to E. I have done my part, no longer need to be responsible for her. I did her a great favour by getting her the job with E. She is definitely more pain than pleasure. She is Two of Diamonds, my Ruling karma card, I have done my dues. And her return to my life was to let me see.

3. External influence
Laziness

Soul
Well, yday morning, I tot just the website. And yday, I accidentally deleted my files, which I just recovered yday evening.

A tot came,....Z is not over yet...that's scary

4. What is needed for resolution? transformation
This is a time for deep let go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its facticity.
It is very much like Gautama Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up, knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night, he became enlightened.
Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And like death, it takes u from one dimension into another.

Soul
I have done all I can to release Z. I guess when happy tots come in, just need to waive and replaced it with his silent absence. Feeling the sadness and remembering he may not be the one, as he is unwilling to grow with me.


5. Resolution
Fighting,
Time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start by forgiving urself, u r worth it!

Soul
True. I can now see the lovely me. I can now be open and vulnerable. Emotion makes me whole.