Lunar in Scorpio - my power used inward instead of outward

Jan 31

Woke up before alarm. Did my suria. Towards the sixth cycle, I suddenly tot of inner body. So, I visualised my inner body for every moment. I find that the body becomes more supple and since I was focus on inner body, very little tots. I think that's the key.

It got bit warm but air conditioner remote out of batt. So, I keep cool and did Shakti. Not so great. Shambavi was fine. Towards the end, there was no joy, but there was something need to be released, I open my mouth and cry out loud for a few times.
But good thing was, just little tots of Z.

Yday, I tot of L. When she was lost while coming to IE, I reacted towards her edginess and gave up on her. Yday, I was lost and she didn't give up on me. She really wants us to see her place. I sense loneliness in her. And to top it all, she is a useful allies as she turned out to be very rich.

Today my elbow is stiff. Father, I truly want to heal. Now I understand what Sadhguru meant by trapped energy. I will move forward and release the energy. Where I m now, is not where I should be. Instead of avoiding power, I will take it to share. Power is not only responsibility. I m a responsible person

A tot came when I was driving, I want to live consciously. That was the original reason I undertake my inner journey.

I read my solar in Taurus and can identify with it. Then I proceed to lunar in Taurus, it seems so much like Z. Actually, the first time I read, I tot I was reading for Z and I felt sad, that he is like that.

Then I proceed to read my Lunar in Scorpion, which I couldn't relate in the first reading. Now that I know I avoid power and goodness, finally I can relate. I just read bit and tears start to welt up. I stopped as I need to go to office. As I got into my car, I burst out into tears and start to cry non stop.
Then I knew I admired Z for his power that he used on the world, whereas mine is used inwardly to suppress my desires and emotions.

I also knew I projected my goodness into Z. I now know he is not bad, but he is not as good as I tot he is. I m the good one, I m the one with goodness. I had wrongly projected to him. Now I knew we are meant to end. It was humbling to know I see him wrongly. I can now release him, he is not good for me. My role was to help him to build but he is not for me. I m finally at ease with this new insight.

Seven of Clubs
U will be exposed to spiritual knowledge that leads one back to self.

Soul
I just did.
I m goodness and power.