Unrequited love....once fully expressed...will also lapse

Feb 6
Father, woke up before alarm. My asanas were ok. I managed to stay longer in the trigo pose.

Had some tots of Z since mind interpreted possible reconciliation. Nothing has changed. I won't go back without any commitment.

Just read Moon in Taurus
Due to past lives of physical sensitivity and Indulgence, u have strong physical desires for sensuality, touching and physical contact in this incarnation. Once again u r learning to accept the natural healthiness of ur needs and be open to having them fulfilled by others.

Soul
Yea, Z and I r compatible sexually, and I miss him. But unlike others, I can only connect when I m in love.

Father, I did it.
I send an image of Sadhguru to Z around midnight yesterday. This morning I woke up feeling at peace, elbow joint is also not stiff.
I knew then that I am on the right track.
Thanks to Mz, a Nine of Diamonds for showing me the way. She behaves extremely by projecting it out externally, me internally. So, in her case, the damage was towards her outside world, with me, inner world, my body. She attacked the world outside and I attack the world inside, I attacked my own joints.
I have no hard feelings. I knew she is feeling hurt, rejected and hence she rejected us too, but doubly hard so she don't have to feel her hurt.
Me, same too, but in different forms.

Yea, love is an emotion, just like sadness. If I suppress my emotion of love of Z, the energy is blocked and my joints will be swollen. I love Z and I don't expect for us to be together, just like I don't want children, the same I knew he wants children. I want him to follow his dream, just like I want to follow mine. We need not compromise so as to be together.

Love is an emotion, I love him and I will show. He won't respond, so one day, once my love emotion is all expressed without any returns, it will be released.

I need not put up an armour, like what Mz did. I just need to lay down the armour and let the emotion of love be released. Truly understand the Osho's Fighting card that is my Resolution card for the week.

I love Z and he doesn't love me. This is inevitable for now. Alas, now I understand the Internal Influence card. Friendliness. My love for him is no longer a need, it is just an expression of love. I need to express instead of suppressing my love, blocking my energy and hurting myself instead.

Father, thank You. I have asked for an answer, how can I handle this love for Z. You have given me the answer.

This was a period of Seven of Diamond in Saturn Ruling and Seven of Clubs in Saturn Destiny.
Instead of lamenting of Mz leaving us abruptly, me losing face, losing credibility on recruitment, I turn it around and saw myself instead.

Seven of Clubs (dealing with negativity, exposure to spiritual knowledge)
U will be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which leads one back to the self or u will be challenged to let go of mental attitudes and beliefs that are keeping u trapped on lower levels of tots.
How it manifest for u will depend upon ur ability to elevate ur thinking.