Bit stress with coming back to Isha

22 Feb

This morning woke feeling bit stressed over Isha matters.
This tot then came to me.
I know what to do. But I don't know how to do. I have leadership skill and can motivate and develop people. But my skill needs people. I need good second liners to come out with how to do and others to do as instructed. I need people.

Woke up at 7 am with alarm but was feeling bit tired. So, just lay back and wake up at 7.30 am. Took a shower and start to practice at 7.46. Mind said its bit late, skip hata. I replied I got lots of time. Did my asana and was laughing a fair bit. A tot came, it's ok if I don't feel like attending the other hata yoga program. For now let me just enjoy what I have learned from December hata yoga refresher.  Unlike the rest, I enjoyed hata albeit lazy. Besides now that I have new role in Isha, I won't have more time. And unlike the others, my daily practices is much more. So, it's enough.

Shakti was fine and Shambavi was beautiful. I went in deep into Suka Kriya and aim chanting. Towards the end I was suddenly singing and dancing. Such joy and contentment. Amen for the tools.

Father, if the Isha thingy were to come earlier, it would be outright rejection. But I now can see what's my role. This is my pilgrimage.

When doing asana, I was crying over the work to be done the next few months, loss of my self pampering time. The moon in me doesn't want to. Whenever I had to take a leadership role outside work, I felt unloved as there will be no pampering.
Then I laughed as this is my lesson, my pilgrimage. No wonder Seven of Clubs. I know I can take the lead role, others know I can but I don't want to.

Just spoken to LK, she said I create too much resistance. Just go with the flow. Besides, since I don't want to do work, I might as well take the lead.
I told her, I cannot run away and besides its in my card. I will accept my lesson. Just like I took up the lesson with Z. I m doing it for my Self, less on friendship.

Today Osho card
We are the World. Life has been given to u to create, to rejoice and to celebrate. When u cry and weep, when u r miserable, u r alone. When u celebrate, the whole existence participates with u. Only in celebration do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
This card represents time of communication, of sharing the riches that each of us brings to the whole. There is no clinging, no grasping. It is a circle without fear of feelings of inferiority and superiority. When we combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.

Soul
Alas, I understand the Sorrow card. Only in lesson of pain, I become aware and grow. Without the pain of break up with Z, I would not be able to see my Natal Chart clearly. I wouldn't find my way Home. Now that I m Home. I m integrated and act consciously instead of letting my unconsciousness leads me unknowingly.
Father, amen.