My Mirror in Z - seeking approval...so humbling

Jan 24 Eve

Father, did my practices. It was fine. Suddenly tot, I m actually a millionaire too...why the fear of lack. Remember abundance instead of lack.

That's why Z can move on without a backward glance, cos he believed in abundant rship. I too must believe that. He has so many failures and had not even see his issues. So, I should be more confident than him.

Just now M msg me on C. The old me be worried and start to judge both. The new me said never mind. Everyone has their issue, why do I need to be responsible. Amen.

Mmm, this 52 days is learning about abundance of love and money. Next 52 days will be on my mind, to set it to positives.

Mercury
Ur rational mind can become dominated almost entirely by moods, feelings and emotions.

Your thinking becomes clear when u focus on ur own needs to feel comfortable. U have a natural sense of practical perception and the special ability to communicate in ways that bring about tangible results.

Soul
Perhaps, but now with meditations, I m able to see it before it takes me over.

Out of the blue, Z send me a few images of Isha. Could be from outstation. My first tot was he accidentally sent me. Then I saw 6 images. Aiyah, he probably send to all mobile numbers Iz. Nothing personal. Can ignore.

Venus in Leo
Self defeating habits - Seeking approval of others in social situations.

Results
The fear of disapproval holds back ur ability to spread sunshine and light.
U become trapped in self-absorption when u withhold ur ability to inspire others with ur warm and gregarious nature.
There is a tendency to censor urself by expressing a type of spontaneity u feel will be approved of. If u indulge in the fear that others may hold back their love, ignore u or judge u harshly, u experience a lack of social ease.
Inadvertently, u might manipulate others by moderating ur expressiveness in order to gain recognition. Social isolation and powerlessness ensue when u interpret others' reactions as a personal rejection.

Soul
Suddenly I saw my mirror in Z. I can see him seeking approval from general public, in terms of his social status.
I always tot his life is limited by him seeking general approval.
Alas, I too do that, but in social situation.
Father, my walls all crumbled. I m totally humbled. I m also pissed with myself for being so unaware that I needed a break up for me to see my mirror in Z. Alas, the mirrors are all there.

Father, that is so true. While I have loosen up in social but now I m facing it in publicising my website and blog.
I truly fear others will judge and rejects me. That's why such dilemma in me.
Here I judge Z for driving himself to meet general approval. Aiyoh, I m pissed off with myself, for being so insecure.

Suddenly I start to cry, I feel I lost all my credibility, my valuation, my pride, my power, I got nothing left. I m a fake. What I tot I were had now been torn down and shred to pieces. How can I face the world? I m all the insecure people that I have judged before. But now I can see I m their mirrors. I had suppressed all my Insecurities and hence cannot be seen outside, neither by others or myself. Everything is pushed inside, resulting in Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Venus in Leo,
U r able to use ur charismatic dramatic flair to share the center of the group. U r sensitive to the inner reactions of others and can lift the audience to new heights of inspired experience. U can bring about ease of communication through ur inclusive open arms policy.

When u use ur generosity and sensitivity to help others reach positive emotional states, u can experience without fear, ur own social worth. U have a dramatic talent for inspiring others and inbred confidence, warmth and enthusiasm that bring about self-worth.
Security with others comes from knowing that u have acted according to ur humanitarian ideals.

Soul
I know I have and doing all the above.
So, feeling bit better now.

Venus in 3rd house
U experience the pleasure of feeling loved when u attend social events and exchange information with a variety of people.
Reading, writing, and going to classes are activities that u enjoy.
U can increase ur self-worth by communicating, learning and teaching diverse people in ways that add lightness to all, and by using ur ability for diplomatic communications with an awareness of opposing views.

Soul
My ebook is firefly, bringing lights to all. My website is joy, bringing joy to all.
I am on the right track. I have gained courage with Z.
I have seen my mirror in Z.
I can see my issues.
Now I know there is hope. And all I need is to lift my mind.