Missing Z

Jan 28
Father, thank u.
For a few hours, I was feeling numb with info overload from spiritual astrology.

Missed Z, guess it was because of the pix, just wishful thinking on my part. He tend to be moralistic, probably feeling bit guilty on me and wanted to clear his system before he goes for prayer.

I knew that with him, my spiritual path may not grow cos I also tend to be lazy with practices. This morning, I was too lazy to wake up early as it was a holiday but I had to go for car service but need to queue, something which I dislike.
All in all, logical part of me knew Z may not be a support for my growth. Reading natal chart further confirmed it.

But I still love him. Or perhaps I m holding on as I m afraid there will be no one else. Not sure. But I miss him and even seems to forget how he hurt me. I have forgiven him for his cruel break up. But there is no point as he is getting married on 14 July. Just wishful thinking that he be at my family new year eve dinner.

As I was driving back from car service centre, I suddenly saw and felt the trees on the road. Such clean energy and I felt refreshed. Then I recalled I had the same feeling too when I walked in the park, such aliveness.

Had just informed H that I found other editors. S is even more reasonable than Pe. Father, what I asked can happen. Amen.
H also reminded me that I m very lucky to have a stable job that pays me money and yet gives me free time to pursue my passion. Amen. I m lucky and blessed.