Saturn in Aries - to be a leader

Apr 6
Father , did one cycle of Surya kriya and then adjourned for practices. Even the one cycle brings benefits. Did a Shavasana before I continue. Did a short breathing and proceed to Shakti and Shambavi. Some tots of the Isha matters come in, bit of tots on Z. But somehow I can just see and let it be. I didn't dwell on it and then tots changes another form.
Towards the end, just sitting quietly. Moments later I start to dance and then singing just erupted from within. There wasn't even a tot of song in my mind.
Father! Thank you so much.

Went for a quick swim. And I was surprised that body wants to do breast stroke. This is a first cos normally I m afraid of breast stroke. I just swam one round of free style and three round of breast stroke. Just savouring the water. Amen.

Saturn - key to public achievement.
Shows the process of fulfilling your social obligation in a public way that results in a sense of personal achievements
Indicates the process by which fears deflect u from fulfilling your ambition
Pinpoint your greatest fear and greatest desire.
Illuminates self discipline and physical responsibility; ur endurance and where u have the ability to see things through.

Saturn in Aries
Ur skill and responsibility
The ability to be a leader
Acknowledge yourself as a creator of ur sense of independence and of situations in which u lead or follow.
This self recognition empowers u to feel secure enough to act independently.
As u use ur leadership capacity more and more u become aware of others wishes.
Fostering new ideals and ideas into a form that answer collective need, ur innovative ambitions have the potential for reaching and affecting society at large.

10th house in Saturn
U gain healthy control of ur life when u r willing to take charge and be the CEO, organising the skills of others to reach a common goal.

Soul
I already did that at work. But now Isha falls on me again.
Father, the last time I did it out of responsibility, out of fear of losing peers approval.
It is back at my court again. Like P said, by virtue of me being a Sathsang guide, even though I didn't seek the leadership role.

Mmm, suddenly a tot occurred to me. I know I can lead but I m not sure of leading a group of volunteers. This takes loads of effort and there is big failure rate and if successful, there is no validation.
Father, I think it's my valuation issue again and also control issue.
Big chance of failure and no chance of successful validation and never ending.
Father, I avoided it but it come back again and again
Also I think since I got validation issue, this worries me more.
Like M disappearing again. He fluctuates. And here I wonder again. Then R also. Father, I m affected by loss of validation.
Mmm. The real cause for me not to take up Isha leadership is the loss of validation.

Past lives
Karmically, ur destiny is to formulate a new identity. An entire cycle of ego expression through an old sense of self is gone. That's is why u feel so vulnerable in this lifetime.  U have no instinctive ego to serve as a buffer against environment stimuli. Thus there is a tendency to either overreact or under react when asserting yourself because u don't have a solid sense of self to assert from.

Ur task; to rise above the limitations of past life personality expressions; to discover and formulate a new powerful sense of identity.

Soul
No wonder I m affected by others. No wonder I avoid leading Isha cos the pains is too much and the gain is none.

But now looking at it. I realised now my leadership skills exercised in my career needs to be expanded to Isha first and then to my destiny of bringing lights, bringing consciousness back.

Father, leadership in Isha is to prod me along my destiny. It is to help me. It is to make me grow. It is not to make me suffer.  Instead of looking at the price to pay. Look at the gain. Be like Z. Eyes always on the gains. I need to establish some rajas in my life.

Saturn in Aries
10th house
There is a need to acknowledge your desire to be taken seriously as an authority in the world. Saturn offers the responsibility and reward of expressing yourself on a public level in the area of expertise.

Soul
So, before I go international, I have to go local. And leadership in Isha is the tool.
I was afraid to take it up. But I m now ready. Amen.
Finally I accepted the tool of growth. This is the adventure I m taking. Not sure where I m heading but I know I need to go through this journey. Amen.